


"I'll Be"

by cloudydays



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Adult Content, Alcohol, Anal Sex, Blood, Blood Magic, Blood and Violence, Canonical Character Death, Childbirth, Corpse Desecration, Cunnilingus, Domestic Fluff, Explicit Language, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Frottage, Grinding, Guilt, Hand Jobs, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Making Out, Masturbation, Monsters, Mutual Masturbation, Other, Ritual Sex, Threesome - F/M/M, Varric sandwich, Voyeurism, Wicked Grace
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-04-14 07:27:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 57,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14131098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cloudydays/pseuds/cloudydays
Summary: “Promises, Promises” - Incubus





	1. "Promises, Promises"

\--  
The past year was a blur of fighting, drinking and fucking to Garrett. One day had bled into the next, the desperation to forget his past driving him into situations he would typically avoid. The loss of the life he knew before the blight had allowed him to gain notoriety now, and he hated it. He had risen ranks in the Red Iron Mercenaries, not by choice but by the simple need to see his family survive in a foreign place. Garrett did as he was told, no matter the situation, adding to the desperation to forget. He and his brother Carver had spent the previous year doing what was expected of them by Meeran, the mercenary leader, because they were contracted to do so. Meeran held Garrett by the balls because he had information on him that could get him, and more vital to Garret, his family killed. His self-centered uncle Gamlen had blabbed to Meeran that Garret was a mage in order to barter the year long contract. Tonight, however, that contract was over and the drinking and fucking he had planned was on his terms, as a free man once again.

Garrett stumbled up the stairs to Gamlen’s house without his usual grace. He couldn’t feel the breeze lifting his jet black hair softly from his forehead as he grabbed onto the railing leading up to the door. He didn’t hear the familiar nocturnal sounds of lowtown as he turned the knob of his uncle’s door. He didn’t see the clouds with his deep blue eyes race over the crescent moon as he pushed inside the hovel and closed the door, but the elf that observed him did; he saw everything.

Garrett woke late the next morning with the familiar signs of having outdone himself, again, blaring at him. His head was pounding and his throat was dry as he sat up on his bedroll, blinking at the light that was savagely stabbing his eyes. He put his forearm over his eyes to ease the pain and kicked off the blanket that was half covering his still clothed body. His bare feet made offbeat slapping sounds as he made his way to the corner of the sparsely furnished room. The cold stone felt soothing on his feet as he pulled the heavy drape back to the privy. He rested his hand on the wall and let his head hang as he relieved himself, sighing in relief.

He tried to make sense of the events from the previous night. His memories were all jumbled and fuzzy in his hung-over mind. He had started the evening shouting for a round for everyone to Corff, the bartender, in the Hanged Man. Carver was at his side, his arm thrown around his shoulder in camaraderie, laughter falling out of them both. That was a clear image he saw in his mind as he shuffled his way past Carvers empty bedroll back to his on the opposite side of the room. He almost made it when he heard a scratching at his door.

Mercy wiggled and panted up at him when he opened the door for her. “Hey girl…”Garrett croaked in greeting, warmth filling him at the sight of his mabari, a smile spreading across him face. He scratched her ear and looked up to see the back of his mother standing in front of the hearth and his uncle Gamlen sitting off to the side at the table. The coarse colors of the kitchen area surrounded her and made her stark grey hair stand out. She stretched her arm pulling at some herb from the strand that hung down from a shelf over a line of cabinets. She tore at it and tossed the pieces into the steaming kettle on the hearth.

“Gamlen, please fill the pail. This is going to dry out before it’s cooked completely” His mother asked, turning to look at her brother. Her eyebrows raised and her lips curved up in a smile as she noticed Garrett standing in his doorway petting Mercy. Gamlen quietly stood and grabbed the water pail, kept on a stool by the cabinet where they stored food. He raised a hand in an offhand greeting as he passed Garrett, Mercy bounding after Gamlen out the door. Garrett scrunched his eyes shut at the blinding flood of sunshine stabbing his eyes from the opened door.  
“Morning dear. Another late night?” she said, turning back to stir the kettle, humor tinting her voice. His stomach gave an interested rumble as the smell of stew wafted towards him, he couldn’t remember eating yesterday.  
Garrett just grumbled and shuffled his bare feet, drifting to the table and an empty chair facing the hearth. His mother reached up on the shelf and set a tea cup in front of him. He smiled up at her faintly, stretching his arms above his head and yawning. “Thank you, mother.” He said through his yawn, his jaw popping audibly. She smiled and poured dark brown tea into the cup. His hands wrapped around the full cup and he sighed as the heat seeped into them comfortingly.

“It was a big night for you and your brother. I’m proud of you both.” She said turning back to put the teapot near the hearth, keeping it hot. “Mmmhmm…”Garrett replied his mouth busy blowing the steam off the tea in his cup. He wanted to sooth his dry throat by gulping it down but thought better of it, not wanting a scalded mouth added to his list of bodily complaints today.The sunshine illuminated the entryway and kitchen area abrupt, as his uncle and Mercy came through. “Here you are Leandra.” Gamlen said, setting the water on its stool, unceremoniously. He sat back on his chair and observed his nephew curiously, Garretts eyes grew distant as he sipped his tea.

Garrett loved the sound of tck tck tck Mercy’s paws made as she walked across the stone floor to his side, her head resting on his knee. His hands were still wrapped around his teacup and he couldn’t summon the zeal to reach down and pat her head as he hesitantly sipped the hot strong tea. He bounced his leg, bobbing her bulky head playfully, just a smidgen, enough to let her know he was happy she was there instead. He had bonded with Mercy six years ago, shortly before his father died, it seemed a lifetime ago.

_Garrett and his father, Malcolm, had been walking back home from their weekly trip to Lothering, when they heard the feeble cry of an animal from the bushes along the road. It was a rare occasion that it was just the two of them, Leandra, Carver and Bethany almost always came along. Garrett stopped and raised a hand to halt his father._  
_“Do you hear that?” he asked, his youthful voice barely above a whisper._  
_“Yes. Sounds like a wounded animal.” He stated, placing his hand on his son's strong shoulder._  
_“I’m going to look.”Garrett said apprehensively, setting his bulging pack down on the road. He quickly made his way to the side of the road and peered into the bushes hesitantly._  
_The sun was falling to the west and Malcolm did not want to stop, against the compulsion to continue home he followed his eldest sons lead this time, Garrett was twenty-two and old enough to lead . Malcolm watched earnestly as his son disappeared behind the thick bushes. “What have you found son?”He called out to Garrett._  
_Garrett came out from the bushes his hands cradled to his chest, an expression he had never seen on his son’s face before, despair. Malcolm could see it was a pup from its head poking up from his son’s long fingers. Garrett was shaken as he hurried to his father, holding the pup close to him as if it were the most delicate object he’d ever held._  
_Malcolm set his walking staff on the ground between his feet and held his hands out to his son, taking the pup from him. The little pups fur was dark with wetness and had mud stuck to it in places. He turned the pup over in his hands revealing its belly and the umbilical cord still attached, “Aww you poor little thing.” Malcolm uttered with a tsk._  
_“You should show her mercy son. Its mother probably abandoned it for a reason.” He said his tone calm. Garret looked at his father’s wearied face with a furrowed brow._  
_Garrett replied with an Uh-Uh as he reached out to take the pup back._  
_Malcolm sighed and looked around them to be sure they were alone. His hands glew faintly of the healing magic he pushed into the pup, as he handed her back to his son gently._  
_Garrett cradled the pup in the crook of his arm as he unfastened his rugged leather vest. He pulled the top of his tunic open and tucked the little bundle inside against his chest, not caring that she was dirty. He leaned down and picked up his sack a hand never leaving the pup and continued down the road expecting his father to follow.  
_ _Malcolm just shook his head with a raised eyebrow. As stubborn as his mother, he thought to himself._

\--

Garrett flopped on his bedroll lazily, his belly full of stew. He was warm, content and in no rush to do anything today, for a change. He listened to Mercy’s steady breathing as she slept across the room on Carvers bedroll. His hang-over was nearly gone, thank the Maker, he had a feeling his mother put a potion or two in his tea. She always knew how to make him feel better he thought idly staring up at the blank stone ceiling his hands behind his head, his ankles crossed. His mind wandered back to the night before, it was mostly a blur of drinking and playing wicked grace loudly. He scoffed to himself at the thought of how much coin he must have lost, his hands patting around his belt for his coin purse, it wasn’t there. He sighed heavily, disappointment in himself settling in. He couldn’t remember where he put…oh yes, now he remembered where he put his coin purse. He grinned roguishly at the ceiling the images of where his coin went.

“Katriela.” He declared to the ceiling and the empty room. He and some other inebriated patrons he couldn’t remember had made their way up from lowtown to hightown, to The Blooming Rose, he remembered. Their excursion filled with lewd jokes and boisterous laughter. He gripped himself casually over his trousers, hardening at the memory. She was a lithe little elf and looked lovely on her knees as he pounded into her, well worth the two gold he spent to have her for the evening. His mind flashed to her looking at him over her shoulder, he caressed and squeezed his cock as it grew down his thigh. Her eyes were almost gold colored, they reminded him of… He sat up abruptly, a curse falling from his mouth as his tight breeches pinched his cock painfully.  
“Andraste’s great flaming ass!” He cursed aloud rising to his knees, adjusting the bulge in his trousers. He pulled up the corner of his bedroll, revealing a loose square of stone. He reached under his pillow and produced a dagger. Unsheathing it, he pried the corner of the square up, revealing a small chest. Garrett lifted the chest out and onto his bedroll; his heart was pounding. He opened the lid, his fingers fumbling over the items inside until he found what he was looking for. His fingers trembled as he picked up the amulet closing the lid on the chest. His fist closed around the paltry bauble but it felt substantial in his hand. He sighed heavily running his free hand down his face, how had he forgotten? 

“Well, well… what have we here?” Flemeth drawled dubiously. He could hear her voice as if he heard her yesterday, not over a year ago. He could see her bizarre yellow eyes looking him up and down, judging him. The memory of Katriela’s eyes had reminded him of hers, of the promise he had made to the witch, Flemeth. He pushed the chest back into its hiding place, replaced the lid and hastily covered it back up with his bedroll. He quickly stood, the pleasant recollections of Katriela he was having erased from his mind.  
Garrett gave a low whistle to get his Mabari’s attention, stuffing his feet into his boots.  
“Eh girl, wanna go for a really long walk?” Mercy didn’t even lift her head to look up, just huffed at Garrett. Garrett smirked in reply, looking at his Mabari with affection. He reached for the small vial attached to his belt filled with Kaddis as he crossed the room where Mercy lay. He drew out the minuscule dagger with kaddis on it and ran the blade across the meaty part of his thumb, a fine line of blood trickled out into the palm of his hand. He wiped the dagger gently on his palm leaving a trail of the red paint next to the line of blood. The cut was already healing from his magic; the ritual was routine and he rarely left a scar. With his free hand he mixed the two substances with his fingers and spread it in an arch from one cheek, over his nose and to the other cheek.  
“You sure? I’m going to get your favorite dwarf to go too? There’ll be lots of trees and probably some people to chew on! OOOO and maybe even a squirrel or two!” Mercy replied with an, oof for a no. He strapped his staff to his back, “Okay then girl, see you later, nap for the both of us, eh.” He bent down and gave a quick scratch on the top of Mercy’s head, wiping the remaining blood and Kaddis mixture on the mabari’s head affectionately. He looked up through the high window in his uncle’s entryway and sighed, realizing the sun was already setting. It was going to be another long night, good thing he knew a pretty healer, with lots of stamina potions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Promises, Promises” - Incubus


	2. "You Had Me From Hello"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett fulfills his promise to one witch who changed his life and now meets another with the potential to send his world spinning.

\--

Garrett rounded the corner of the path up Mount Sundermount, ahead of his group. He could hear the chatter of Varric, Isabela and Anders behind him. The scent of pine, the distant thunder and the chirping of birds captivated him, keeping him out of the conversation. The three had been debating the politics of elves since they left the Dalish camp. His attention was caught by an elf hunched over, back turned towards him, sitting on the path up ahead. His impulse was that something was wrong, he hastened his steps forward but took no notice the of the ancient steps that jutted up haphazardly. He stumbled on one of them and landed on his knees painfully.

“Makers balls!” Garrett cried out in pain as he shook the dirt off of his hands, startling the elf in the road. She had markings that flowed across her cheeks, down her chin, temples and forehead, typical for a Dalish elf, he noticed as she turned toward him a baffled look on her face. Her hair was dark and her skin was pale. His eyes darted around her face taking her in. He wasn't expecting this beauty to be the same elf that keeper was talking about, he wasn’t sure what he expected but she was not it. His knees hurt and he wanted to cast healing on them but was distracted, she was advancing forward, her arms extended as if she wanted to pick him up off the ground. Maybe if he didn’t heal himself she would use her hands to bandage him. He wondered how soft her hands would be on his skin.

Varric was in front of him suddenly blocking his view of her, he leaned to the side to look at her again but a flask was thrust into his face. “Drink this, Chuckles.” He looked up at the dwarfs concerned face and wanted to force push him out of his way, but knew that would be incredibly rude, for blocking his view of the elf. He gulped down the potion squeezing his eyes shut at the bitter taste. He could feel the potion work on his knees immediately taking the ache away. He stood pocketing the empty flask, “Thanks Varric.”, he said cheerfully as if nothing happened, the potion rushing through his body and his eyes locking back on to the elf as he stepped around Varric.

Her eyes caught his attention as she came closer into view. They were large and familiar the color green like the mountains back home that thrust toward the sky. They were wonderful and he couldn’t pull his eyes away from hers. Her face was lovely and soft, she held her head at a slight angle as if she were about to ask him a question. It reminded him of a bird.

“Did you hear that strange noise?” Garrett said to no one in particular but looked at the elf curiously. He heard Varric snort laugh and Anders gave a uh-uh behind him.  
“Just you tripping over a rock.” Isabella muttered facetiously. Garrett ignored her.  
The elf looked back at Garrett straight-faced and just shrugged, ”Oh… I didn’t hear anything.”

“You must be the one the keeper told me about. Aneth ara.” She said taking a step closer to Garrett and the group of humans behind him.  
Garrett just blinked at her, still dazed. “I’m so sorry; I didn’t ask your name. Unless… it’s not rude to ask a human their name is it?” the female elf swallowed hard looking nervous, but never breaking eye contact with Garrett. “I’m Merrill. Which you probably knew already. I’m, rambling, sorry.”  
Garrett smiled at her. Her voice had a lilt to it; one he was familiar with because it was similar to Tomwise’s, his mind flicked through carnal memories of the impassioned sounds Tomwise made for Garrett on the numerous nights they were together. Hers though, was sweet, light and cheerful, nothing like Tom’s. It reminded him of a mourning doves coo. He shook his head and tried to conceal the laugh that wanted to erupt from him at the ridiculous thoughts he was having. He didn’t do light, sweet and cheerful. He thought to himself, did I hit my head or something?  
“You seem awfully nervous.” Garrett said to Merrill as his eyes focused on a strand of hair being blown around her temple by the breeze.  
“I’ve never met a human before. Dalish mothers frighten their children with stories about you, you know.” Merrill said hurriedly. Garrett just cocked his head to the side with curiosity, the smile  
not leaving his face.  
“Not you, personally, of course. I’m sure they don’t have any tales about you. Or not scary ones, at least.” Merrill kept rambling on, her hands fumbling in front of her. She swallowed thickly, “Not that you’re not notable enough to have a story… I’ll just shut up now.” Merrill looked down at her feet nervously.  
“We didn’t get a proper introduction.” Garrett said quickly so she would look back up at him. The need for eye contact with her compulsory.  
Her eyes slid to his, her face flushed with embarrassment, “I am-or was, I suppose-the First to Keeper Marethari. I’ve studied the old ways for as long as I can remember.” She pulled her eyes away from Garrett’s and looked at the odd humans that surrounded him. “I know things-the lore of the Dalish-that can help us get to the summit of Sundermount.”  
Garrett answered, “My name is Garrett. Most just call me Hawke though. Glad to make your acquaintance, Merrill.” He extended his hand out to her in greeting.  
She just looked down at it and said, “Thank you. I’m afraid I’m not very experienced with your kind.” Garrett dropped his hand awkwardly and he could hear Isabella snicker in the  
background.  
“The keeper said you came from Ferelden. I spent most of my life there. We only came north a few years ago.” Merrill continued on. “Have you been in the Free Marches long? Do you like it here?”  
Garrett gave his roguish smile to Merril, “I miss the cold. And the dirt. Kirkwall’s not brown enough for me. But hey, no darkspawn, right?” he said playfully.  
“Ferelden wasn’t that brown! The dirt and muck gave it character.” She stammered, missing the tease in Garrett’s voice, thinking he was serious.  
“We should go. Your task is for Asha’bellanar. It’s not wise to make her wait.” She said turning around and raising an arm to usher them forward up the mountain path.

As they walked Merrill talked with the group about why she chose to leave, about her clan and had asked questions about this or that. Garrett’s mind was reeling and he was trying to sort out the alluring pull he felt towards this stranger, his mind was not absorbing what she was saying as they hiked up the mountain. It was a pleasant walk until they came upon the dead. The group was used to fighting together, had done it often enough, but he was not familiar with Merrill and was unsure if she could fight at all. She started casting seconds before he prepared to cast a shield around her.  
Yes! That's a relief! He thought to himself, he wouldn't have to carry her through the fight. The battle went swiftly, Varric picking off the dead around the edges, with Bianca. He could feel the comforting tingle of healing ready to fall on him if needed from Anders. Isabella danced in between the chaos, as always, twirling and slicing at the dead. Garrett and Merrill cast together like they had been fighting side by side for years. She would ensnare them, he would crush them with force. He would cast pull of the abyss, she would cast chain lightning. It was like they were dancing too.

“The Keeper didn’t mention you were a mage.” Garrett said the admiration clear on his face, leaning on his staff so he could catch his breath for a moment.  
“All Keepers know a bit of old magic.” Merrill stated, as if this were supposed to be known to him, casually securing her staff upon her back  
“The stories tell us that all elvhen once had the gift, but like so many things, it was lost.” she looked down, sadness at her declaration in her voice. “It’s a Keeper’s job to remember, to restore what we can.”  
He tilted his head inquiringly, “Can’t demons possess Dalish mages?”  
Merrills eyes looked sad as she nodded her head “It can happen, and when it does, the clan must hunt and kill their own Keeper.”  
“Does the Chantry know about the Dalish mages?” Garrett asked Merrill as he started walking up the path, careful not to step on any of the corpses littering the path. He’d clean them up on the way back down but needed his mana for the rest of the journey, they had a ways to go yet.  
“Oh, they know. Keeper Marethari told me that was one of the reasons we never camped too long in one place.” Merrill stated,walking closely next to Garrett. “They usually won’t pursue us if we stay away from cities and towns and keep moving.”  
“And no one minds having to up and move, over and over, just to protect a few of you?” Anders said incredulously, behind them.  
“Why would they mind? Once we’ve picked over a hunting ground, there’s no reason to stay.” she replied, looking over her shoulder at Anders, while continuing to walk forward. “But my clan is now in more danger, having lost our halla.”  
“If you go to Kirkwall, you’ll be an apostate in a city full of templars.” Anders replied the objection clear in his voice.  
“I know.” Merrill stated turning her focus on the path ahead of her, “but if i don’t go to Kirkwall, I’ll be alone. A solitary elf is easy prey for anyone. In the city, I can get lost in the crowd.”  
“Please keep turning skeletons into toads for us.” Isabella called out from behind them.  
Merrill looked at Garrett, her eyes wide with surprise, “But I never-”.  
Garrett smiled playfully back at her, winking. Merrill swung her head to look back at Isabella, “Right, not literally. Happy to help.”Isabella snorted and gave Merrill a half hearted salute in reply. Merrill turned her attention back to watching where she was walking, next to Garrett.  
“I’ve done a little fighting before, but it was always alone.” she said casually. “I’ll try not to hit anyone. On our side, I mean. I’m babbling again. Let’s go.” Merrill quickened her pace and Garrett had to catch up with her, his cheeks aching from the smile he realized he still held, catching the blush on her cheeks before she hurried up the path.  
Varric called out, "Stick with us kid, you'll be a pro before you know it!"

\--

Garretts mind was racing as they made their way down the mountain. Andraste’s ass! What just happened? His life brought him into some strange situations, but this was….something different,  
unrealistic. His mind went through the series of tells he was taught and used constantly, to be sure he never mistook the fade for reality. Nope he was awake, that wasn't a dream, that had really happened. That was the witch from Fereldan in the amulet, Flemeth, Asha’bellanar Merrill had called her.  
She just fucking popped right out of it! He thought. She was under his bedroll, in his chest next to all of his precious possessions, for the past year. He wanted to laugh and make a stupid joke about the idea that he slept on a witch every night but looking at the seriousness of his friends faces, he thought better of it and just kept walking.  
He gazed at the back of Merrill’s head, she was a blood mage. He wondered how she became one and why. He had felt an instant comradery with her when she sliced her hand, using her own blood to drop the barrier blocking them from getting to the shrine, she cut in the same place he usually did too.  
He shook his head in objection, remembering the way she handled it so openly though. Shite, Merrill? He was taught as soon as he knew that he was a mage never to show anyone what he was. Maybe it was because she was Dalish. Were they all blood mages, Maker! He knew exactly how dangerous it could be if not handled properly, he had seen it, had to deal with the consequences of blood mages quite often in Kirkwall. If she were this open about it infront of four strangers how open would she be in the city. It would be her death, if the templars found out.  
Merrill was a few paces ahead of him, her staff bobbing on her back. She turned and flashed a shy smile at him, before turning back around. He smiled back, his own staff thumping on his back with each step he took. They were very similar, he couldn't deny the instant connection and wondered if it was the magic, or something else.

Garrett’s mind was wandering to places it shouldn’t be, like Merrill’s swaying hips as she walked down hill in front of him. Her tunic flowed down her thighs to the back of her knees and hid the curve of her bottom, but not her shapely hips. Garrett wanted to grip those hips and he was trying very hard not to let the reaction his lusty thoughts were causing in his breeches continue.

He’d never seen anyone walk the way she did. Airy and light, like at any moment she could just jump and fly up into the sky. The thought made his head swim, it made him want to hold her hand…or hold her down or something or anything; so she would stay near him. He wondered how light she was. Wondered how she would feel in his hands if he picked her up off the ground, gripping those hips tightly. If she wrapped her spindly legs around his waist, his hands moving to that backside that he was so focused on.  
“Will you take me now?” Merrill said stopping in the middle of the path, turning around in front of Garret abruptly.  
Garret stopped himself from running right into her by putting his hands out on her shoulders. “U-uh what?” he stammered, shocked by the direct question that seemed to follow the thoughts he shouldn’t be having. He could hear Isabella snicker directly beside him, she was getting to know him too well it seemed.  
“To the city, I mean, that was the bargain, wasn’t it?” Merrill continued talking, not realizing the innuendo she had just made. He dropped his hands from her shoulders and coughed slightly, he just wanted to pull her into him and kiss her. Instead he thought crossing his arms across his chest was the safer thing to do. Maker! …, it had been a long time since he thought of a woman this way, it was a perilous path his mind couldn't help but taking.

“Are you going to use blood magic on the people of Kirkwall?” Garrett said roughly, trying to steer the subject, and his mind, away from anything but what he was thinking.  
“No, of course not!” Merrill stated incredulously, placing her hands on her hips, drawing Garretts eyes back to where he was trying to look away from.  
“I’m trying to help my people rediscover our history. It’s something….I have to do on my own, it seems.” Her eyes pleaded with him to understand. “I would never hurt anyone! Not on purpose, anyway. I do my best to…I’m making it worse, aren’t I, Shut up Merrill.”  
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Garrett asked. He saw her naivety and knew what she would have to face in the city and a fear for her safety grew in his chest. A deal is a deal, he knew but he wasn’t sure if he could bring her into that place, knowing all that happened there, seeing what he saw, doing what he’d done.  
He irrationally wanted nothing more than to fold her up and put her somewhere safe where she could be protected, from his own perversions as well as Kirkwall’s. He got the mental picture of her hanging in one of those cages from the Gallows, in his room, but not so pokey, and painted gold so it would bring out the green in her eyes. Makers Balls! Whats wrong with me? Garret  
thought in exasperation, trying to ignore that thought, she wasn’t a bird or a slave.  
“I….yes. Yes, I’ve made up my mind.” Merrill said never breaking eye contact with Garrett. “There’s no going back to the Keeper now, anyway.”

Garrett shook his head slightly. “Why Kirkwall? It doesn’t exactly seem like the best place for a Dalish elf.” He wanted to shake her and make her change her mind, or just pick her up and take  
her behind that ruin behind her and... Just stop! He told himself angrily. She really had no idea how much danger she was in.  
“I confess, I’ve never been to a city. But there’s safety in numbers, right?” she said, with hope filling her radiant eyes. “I can’t do what I have to do alone. This is probably for the best.”  
Garrett’s body tensed and he clenched his fists at his sides, to prevent himself from grabbing her, he began to turn and walk down the path again. He turned and looked at Merrill over his shoulder,  
“Follow me, Dove.” He said with a sigh, not realizing what he had thoughtlessly called her. He could hear Isabela behind him snickering.  
She smiled sweetly at him, “Ma serannas. Thank you.” Garrett just stared, surprised again at how lovely she was, his eyes scanning every inch of her face; a smirk appeared on his lips. “Don’t thank me just yet, wait until you see Kirkwall.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “You Had me from Hello” - Bon Jovi


	3. "Back Where I Come From"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get to meet The Grandfather and Merrill gets a surprise.....and so does Carver, but not as nice.

\--

Garrett rolled over onto his side restlessly, being woken from the recurring dream he had nightly since returning the amulet to Flemeth. He blinked rapidly, trying to clear his thoughts of the illicit dream; he focused on the tantalizing site before him. Merrill laid an arm breadth away from his overheated body on her bedroll, the very target of his every dream for weeks. Her face was turned toward him, her hands tucked under her impish chin, sound asleep. He stared at her face freely, studying her, eyes tracing every line of vallasline that marked her. His mind wandered to the conversation he had with her about the markings on her face.

__

_Merrill sat across from Garrett at the kitchen table, her knees brushing against his as she giggled carelessly at a story he had just told her. Garrett’s smile lit up his whole face as he flung his head back and laughed loudly beside her. She snorted with laughter and he tapped his knee with his fist and laughed harder. Gamlen came storming out of his and Leandra’s room shouting at them both, “What’s this racket! It’s the middle of the night!” Merrill covered her mouth with her hand to stifle her uncontrollable giggling._  
_“Oh Gamlen! Leave them be, they’re young!” Leandra shouted from her room at her enraged brother. Gamlen threw his hands in the air in exasperation. Garrett laughed at his uncle's expression and Merrill leaned forward, slapping her free hand over his mouth. Garrett’s laugh stopped at once, the heat of her hand against his lips made his mind churn images of his lips all over her. Gamlen began mumbling to himself about how he couldn’t get a moments peace in his own house, stalking off to his room._  
_Merrill pulled her hand away from Garrett’s mouth with a snicker as Gamlen’s door shut with a thud. Garrett reached out desperately toward Merrill, the removal of her hand left him bereft. She saw his mood change from playful to dark and commanding in seconds, it startled her. She gripped the chair seat with both hands and pushed her body backwards at his sudden movement towards her. Garrett hesitated but did not stop his hand as it came in contact with her cheek, their knees pressed together. His thumb stroked the delicate line running across her cheek and up her temple, so gently._  
_“What is this for?” He asked, his voice turning serious, his thumb tenderly following the design up to her forehead._  
_“It’s Falon’Din.” Merrill replied, her heart racing at being touched. Merrill relaxed her grip on the chair and leaned lightly into his touch._  
_“Are they only on your face? Falon’Din? What is a Falon’Din?” Garrett’s fingers joined his thumb in exploring her, his free hand coming to rest on her thinly clothed knee. His mind was picturing the pattern extending down her body; he had a sudden urge to trace the pattern with his tongue._  
_Merrill swallowed nervously and squirmed in her seat as she replied, “Falon’Din is a who, not a w-what.”_  
_Garrett’s fingers lingered on her chin, his thumb tracing the curl up to her lip. He licked his lips alluringly and traced her bottom lip with his thumb. She watched his eyes as they followed his fingers; his eyes were hungry as they followed the path of his thumb. Merrill took his roving hand in hers, before she ended up leaping into his lap, she squeezed gently to assure him it was not a rejection._  
_“He is god of death and fortune. He guides the dead to the beyond. The markings on me, they are his. It is called Vallaslin” She explained to Garrett, stroking his hand with hers. His thumb was caressing her knee now, it was very distracting and she ignored the other question he had asked about them only being on her face._  
_Garrett nodded encouraging her to continue, he scooted in his chair, trapping her knees between his. His hand moved from her knee to her thigh, she could feel the heat of his hand through her thin breeches._  
_Merrill cleared her throat, her fingers running over the back of his hand like a feather, “When the children of our people come of age, they earn the privilege of wearing the Vallaslin, the blood writing. It sets us apart from the shemlen, and from the elves who have thrown their lot in with them. It reminds us that we will never again surrender our traditions and beliefs.”_  
_Garrett’s palm and fingertips gingerly ran up and down Merrill’s thigh as he asked, “Why did you choose a god of death?” he asked curiously, watching the blush spread from her cheeks to her ears and neck.  
_ _“W-well, when an elf comes of age, we prepare to gain our vallaslin by meditating on the gods and the ways of our people. We purify our body and skin too…before the ritual. I…when I went through my meditation Falon’Din came to me. Not literally you understand…but figuratively.”_

__

_Merrill spoke quickly and nervously, there were flutters in her belly and she wasn’t sure if she wanted Garrett to stop touching her, or to touch more of her and it was making her anxious._  
_Garrett raised his hand from her thigh and ran the back of his hand against her cheek._  
_“Your vallaslin is so intricate and beautiful, Merrill.” He said softly, his breath puffing against her face as he leaned closer. “Did it hurt?” he asked, his fingertips tracing the pattern on her face once more._  
_Merrill’s breath quickened as the warmth from his fingers flowed over her face. “Yes.” She said simply. His eyes furrowed and he looked into her eyes with apprehension. He did not like the idea of anyone hurting her. Merrill stiffened her back and raised her chin at his expression._  
_“I was silent though…The keeper was proud. Cries of pain are taken as a sign of weakness. And I am not weak” Merrill said arrogance in her voice, not understanding the apprehension in Garrett’s face. He lowered his hand from her face, taking both of hers in his.  
_ _“I would never think you weak, Mer.” Garrett said, raising her hands and kissing the back of each of them tenderly, his eyes never leaving hers._

Garrett reached out and traced her cheek with a finger. Merrill snuffled sleepily and turned onto her back, he pulled his hand back quickly not wanting to wake her. She was wearing a thin tunic, one of his white ones and he could see the firm swell of her breasts as it tightened around her, he wondered if her nipples were the same color as her lips. He swallowed thickly and palmed his already stiff cock through his breeches, watching as her chest rose and fell. His hand reached forward to touch, but he drew back guiltily. He stood and tip-toed his way to the corner of the room, pulled back the heavy drape of the privy and stepped inside. He raised his arm, leaned it against the wall, biting down on his forearm he took himself in hand. His mind visualized his dream, The Grandfather showed him nightly; he groaned achingly, his desperation for release silenced by his own arm.

_He was standing in The Grandfathers familiar library. The Grandfathers ethereal form stood next to him, bluish, humanish, tall and glowy. There were two ghostly figures on the floor in front of them, rutting._  
_“This is the ritual you must perform, Garrett Hawke.” The Grandfather gestured with his translucent hand towards the figures. He watched as the male figure pulled out of the woman and rubbed his hand over her mound, then his cock, gathering ghostly blood; he assumed it was blood since it was red and they were tinted greenish. Taking a dagger from beside him the apparition slit his hand, mixing the blood in his palm._  
_“This is like the kaddis ritual, Grandfather?” Garrett asked his teacher, watching the scene before him carefully._  
_“Yes. Omitting the kaddis. Replacing it with a virgin’s blood.” The Grandfather answered clinically._  
_Garrett watched as they got closer to the figures, without moving. He realized the figures were familiar, but any details from their faces and naked bodies were made diluted by their ghostliness._  
_“These are the words you must speak, Garrett Hawke.” The Grandfather gestured, again, with his translucent hand towards the figures._  
_Garrett gasped in shock as the man’s familiar voice began chanting in Tevene, it was his voice. He watched as a strip of blood was spread across the woman’s face, the same as he applied to himself, two finger strips down her sternum, and a line on each hip; the man chanted all the while. The man stroked himself with the remaining blood, coating his cock. The chanting continued as he pushed himself back into the woman, pushing her knees down. She moaned loudly at the penetration, he knew that voice well it was Merrill._  
_“Why must I do this Grandfather.” Garrett questioned, compelled by the scene and words._  
_“You must do this, Garrett Hawke, to produce an heir.” The Grandfather replied. “You must remember the words. You must remember the markings of blood.”_  
_“Yes Grandfather.” Garrett watched as the man arched his back in release and the ritual began again from the beginning. He began reciting the ritual, his words one with his ghostly duplicate._  
_“When must I do this Grandfather.” Garrett questioned, when the ritual began again.  
_ _“After you bring her to me, Garrett Hawke.” The Grandfather answered._

Garrett healed the teeth marks in his forearm and tucked himself, semi-hard, back into his breeches. Flickers of the dream he had woken from of her writhing beneath him as he took her, their shared blood marking her face and body, still stirred his cock as he tried to calm his breathing. They just met weeks ago and he was feeling like she belonged to him. He never felt that possessive over anyone before her and the connection was provoking him. His lustful thoughts were goaded by the nightly visits from The Grandfather, teaching him the illicit ritual he wanted Garrett to perform on her; it wouldn’t stop until his teacher got what he wanted.  
He knew this would happen one day, it was a commitment that he was expected to fulfill since his adolescence. His father had given him the choice, as his father before him, and his before. The Grandfather was passed from generation to generation like some heirloom so many generations ago.  
He had the dream for the first time, back in Lothering. It was when he met Peaches, a mousy little farm girl his brother Carver had his eyes on. He had no interest in her, not his type really, but that did not stop his thoughts and body being drawn to her, she had the biggest breasts he’d ever seen. The Grandfather had showed him the ritual for the first time in his dreams that night after he saw her at the fair. Garrett was sixteen, she fifteen and what was expected of him was terrifying. His father had told him he always had a choice and so he chose not to follow The Grandfathers instructions. Instead he taught Carver some tricks and sent him to take her behind old Barlin’s shed, while he himself found a less threatening partner, Barlin’s stable boy. The Grandfather had plagued his dreams by replacing the tantalizing sexual one with heavy combat training, for months after that. 

Garrett leaned down and kissed Merrill’s forehead before rising quietly to dress and start his day. He needed to get away from her, before he did something foolish. He knew he would never hurt her or go beyond anything she didn't want but she was so very tempting. His own personal desire demon, he thought as he watched her. 

\-- 

“Fucking Carver!” Garrett complained angrily, pacing around the scantly furnished room him, Carver and recently Merrill slept in. He had been waiting impatiently for his brother to return for hours now, he was fully armored, his staff strapped to his back. He had gone to the Hanged Man looking for him to go with him on a mission to the wounded coast. A regular from the Hanged Man had told him the news and was lucky to not get punched in the face at the answer he gave. He found that Carver had taken Merrill with some old friends from the Red Iron and went without him. They had planned this for weeks; it was going to be a big one. 

“THE big one!” he mumbled to the empty room, raising his arms above his head angrily. This was going to tip the scales in their favor; they would finally have enough coin to partner with Varric for the excursion into the deep roads. Aside from the idea that he went on this important mission without him, Garrett was fuming at the idea of him taking Merrill. 

“Fucking Idiot!” Garrett shouted and punched the stone wall, revelling in the pain it caused. He was getting madder by the second. His mind flickered through scenarios of Carver and Merrill and it only made the anger in him burn brighter, the magic coming instantly to his fingertips, ready to fight. Some were of her hurt, bleeding on the ground, her body lifeless like Bethany’s was so long ago. He tried to stop his thoughts but they couldn’t be controlled in his panic. His stomach churned with other images of Carver and Merrill tangled together, naked on a beach.  
“I‘ll fucking kill him!” Garrett said irrationally, his teeth clenched and the muscle in his jaw flexing, hands raising to pull on his hair. He heard Mercy whine next to him and felt his Mabari’s head push up against his thigh. She was trying to calm him. 

He stopped his pacing and knelt down next to Mercy, “Hey girl. I’m alright! Just pissed at Carver, nothing new!” he told Mercy, soothingly, scratching her along her neck. He looked over to the bedroll that was next to his in the corner of the room. Merrill had few possessions so he had given her some of his. She kept them neatly piled next to her bedroll. He had given her one of his pillows, a bright red one with white flowers; it was one of his favorites, it was soft but firm. He walked over to her bedroll and lifted the pillow to his face inhaling her scent. His mind recalled her sleeping face, her hair spread out on the pillow from this morning. He needed to see her urgently, to touch her, to make she she was okay. He put the pillow back where he left it and began to apply his Kaddis on him and Mercy, they were going Carver hunting. 

Garrett had just rounded the corner of his uncle’s house, Mercy on his heels, when he heard Carver and Merrill’s familiar voices, surprising him. Garrett stopped and listened.  
“So, you’re not like a lot of other girls.” Carver asked.  
“No, I’m an elf.” Merrill replied, seriously.  
“Right, alright then.” Carver said with a snort of laughter erupting from him.  
“Oh, did I miss something dirty?” Merrill asked, her voice squeaking out.  
“What? No! It wasn’t dirty. It wasn’t anything.” Carver said hastily.  
“Oh? Right, because I miss a lot of dirty things and sometimes I wouldn’t mind hearing them.” Merrill said innocently.  
“Would you now?” Carver said flirtatiously. 

He didn’t think, only felt enraged as he turned the corner and punched Carver in the face. Merrill shrieked and jumped back, startled. “What the Fuck Garrett!” Carver yelled in shock, covering his busted eye with his hand.  
“Don’t What the Fuck me! Where have you been Carver?” Garrett yelled angrily towering over Carver. “Why the fuck would you take HER! What the fuck were you thinking Carver? Going to the coast without me, with HER!” Garrett gestured towards Merrill without looking at her, he was clenching a fist as if he were about to punch Carver again.  
“What are you talking about? We weren’t on the coast! We were with Varric all morning waiting for you to show up so we could take Mer to her house!” Carver shouted back at his brother. Garrett’s eyes furrowed, Varric had told him it wouldn’t be ready for another few days. They had spent the past week collecting furniture and setting up her house to surprise her together. All of Garrett’s friends had gathered items for her, especially Fenris. He had contributed the most, a bed, shelving full of books and a few pieces of art that were gathering dust in his dilapidated mansion. They were all happy to contribute, this was supposed to be a happy moment, Garrett thought regretfully.  
“We woke up and you were gone! Figured you’d gone up the coast without me…so we found something else to do is all.” Carver said bitterly, pressing his fingers gingerly against his eye, Garrett's punch was going to leave a spectacular bruise. “I did nothing wrong.” he said the hurt from Garrets lack of trust clear in his voice. Carver had been watching his brother and Merrill get closer day by day; it dawned on him that this was about her, not the mission to the coast, and he was jealous.  
Garrett’s fists relaxed, “Sorry, I thought you…let me heal that.” He said his voice soft, but annoyed. He raised a hand towards his brother healing coming to his fingertips.  
Carver stepped back out of Garrett’s reach, “Fuck you Garrett.” He said vehemently, spitting on the ground as he turned to walk away. He’d let the bruise bloom so that Garrett could see it and have guilt about it. “She isn’t your fucking property brother!”Carver called out before he disappeared around the corner. Mercy whined, looking up at Garrett, he patted her head and nodded towards Carver, she bounded after him. 

Garrett placed his hands on his hips and stared up at the cloudless late afternoon sky, groaning in frustration. He sighed regretfully, “Sorry about that Mer.”, stepping closer to her.  
Merrill crossed her arms and looked up at Garrett, “I missed something haven’t I. I feel like I’ve missed something. Have I done something wrong, Lethallin?”  
“You…I have…No.” Garrett said awkwardly, reaching out to her, caressing the side of her face with the back of his hand. “I thought you were in danger.” he shook his head swallowing the lump in his throat at the thought of it. “I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you Mer.” He sighed, smiling sweetly at her hand taking his warmly in hers. “You’re important to me. I care about you.”  
“I care about you too Lethallin.” Merrill said softly, searching Garrets eyes. “You hit him really hard.” Merrill said, scrunching up her nose.  
“I wasn’t thinking, I should not of hit him.” Garrett shook his head and looked away from her eyes, feeling badly about his actions.  
“Carver is a good friend, Lethallin. It hurt me when you hit him.” Merrill said delicately.  
Garrett pulled her into his chest embracing her, kissing the top of her head tenderly. He didn't care so much about punching his brother but he cared very much that she was hurt by his actions.  
“I’m sorry Mer. I’ll make it right with him” He apologized, pulling back and taking her hand in his as they began walking towards his uncle’s house.  
“I haven’t exactly had many friends. Not even among my own clan. This is…tricky.” Merrill said walking next to Garrett his large hand engulfing her small one.  
“What made you unpopular with the Dalish?” Garrett questioned, thankful for the subject change.  
“Being First to the Keeper. I was always…a bit secluded. I studied magic and history while the others were learning the Vir Tanadhal. It’s good that I left. I’d have made a terrible keeper. I was never that good with people.” She said casually.  
Merrill stopped walking suddenly, her eyes big and a sick look on her face.  
Garrett exclaimed, “Whats wrong Merrill.”  
“I think...I stepped in something.”she looked like she was going to vomit.  
Garrett looked down at her feet, “Uhh...let me help.” He gazed around to make sure they were alone and squatted down next to her soiled foot. He cupped his hands together and cast ice then fire to melt it, filling his hands with tepid water.  
“Lift your foot, Mer” Garrett looked up at her, trying not to laugh at the expression of horror on her face. Garrett washed her foot affectionately, scraping his fingernails against her sole on purpose to be rewarded with a tittering giggle from Merrill. Garrett stood when her foot was clean and her face was back to its normal soft expression.  
They’re hands met and they continued walking, giggling together, happy to be in each others company.  
She looked up at Garrett with raised eyebrows as they passed Gamlen’s, “Where are you taking me, Lethallin?” she asked.  
Garrett smiled roguishly and swung their hands between them playfully, “I’m walking my beautiful girl home!” he said, watching her turn her head and blush. He smiled and laughed blissfully at her reaction, she tightened her grip on his hand, only releasing it when they stopped in front of a door, bouncing on the balls of her feet in excitement.  
"Is that my house? Oh, it's not so far from yours! We're neighbours! Except for the different neighbourhoods thing." Merrill exclaimed excitedly, clapping her hands mutely. “Thank you!” She said with a squeak.  
“Yep! All yours!” Garrett said proudly and pulled a key from a pouch on his belt, handing it to Merrill. She took it in her tiny palm and looked up at Garrett, sadness suddenly in her eyes  
“Will you come visit me? Not now, of course, your already here. But maybe later? I could use a friend.” She asked.  
Garrett ran his knuckles across her cheek, “I’d like that, Merrill. Nothing could keep me away.” He said with a reassuring smile on his lips.  
“Thank you; I’m thanking you too much, aren’t I? I mean it, though.” She rambled before unlocking the door and stepping into her new home. Garrett smiled broadly as her eyes lit up with awe at the sight. 

Garrett spent hours with Merrill in her new home, helping to arrange her furniture how she wanted it. Merrill sorted through the books in awe at the large assortment; she piled several onto the table, for easy reading she had said. They laughed, joked, and were free with their touches. They sat on a tattered rug and ate happily on a loaf of heavy Fereldan bread and cheese, left on the table for her in welcome by his mother. A bottle of wine, one of a few left by Varric, was sipped between them as the evening progressed, making them warm and the conversation light. 

Garrett helped Merrill put the linens on her small bed, they were soft, a gift from Isabella. Aveline had contributed practical items for Merrill, one being a very large metal spoon used for stirring a deep kettle. Merrill had picked it up and swung at Garrett playfully. Her cheeks were red from the wine as she challenged him to a duel, stating her swording was better than his. They play fought, him using a broom as his chosen weapon, they both ended up on the floor laughing uncontrollably as Garrett acted out his dramatic death by spoon. Garrett saw a glimpse of the future he could have with her, and it made his heart want her even more. 

\-- 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lethallin: Casual reference used for someone with whom one is familiar.  
> Vir Tanadhal: a Dalish philosophy. Teaches young hunters to respect nature and be resolute in purpose
> 
> “Back where I come From”- Kenny Chesney


	4. "The Gambler"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gangs all here, its Wicked Grace Night at the Hanged Man.

\--

Garrett leans his elbows on the crusty stained bar top, watching as Corff fills a mug, “Whats the word?” he inquires, raising an eyebrow.  
“The craziest thing. Apparently, the pigeon population has taken a nose dive in Ferelden. Weird, huh. What kind of sick individual preys on those innocent things?” Corff ranted.  
Garrett snorts, “You don’t say?” shaking his head at the absurdity.  
Corff stops filling the mug and rests his hands on the bartop next to Garrett’s elbows. He nods over Garretts shoulder, “If you’re gonna play the game, boy. You gotta learn to play it right.” Garrett furrows his eyebrows and swivels his head to where Corff is looking. Merrill is sitting at their regular Wicked Grace Night table, in her usual chair, he didn't see her come in. He smiles wide, as she looks at him and waves enthusiastically in his direction.  
Corffs voice pulls Garrett's eye reluctantly back to him, “Every gambler knows that the secret to surviving is knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep.” He sets the mug filled with foamy ale on the bartop.  
“Another?” Corff asks nodding at Merrill.  
“Yes, something sweeter tho.” Garrett smiles, drops a few coin on the counter and watches as Corff grins and fills Merrills mug from a different tapped cask. Corff sweeps up the coin and sets the full mug on the counter next to Garretts.  
Garrett grins toothily as he picks up the mugs, “I intend on keeping.” He winks at Corff before heading to the table and his Dove.

Garrett tucked a strand of smooth, raven black hair behind Merrill’s ear. His fingers tracing the outline from long sharp tip to rounded lobe, teasing on purpose, while setting their mugs of ale in front of her. “Here you go Mer.” He said with a smirk, watching the blush creep across her cheeks.  
“Ma serannas.” Merrill replied, growing breathless from Garrets attentions. She gripped the mug with both hands and took a long drink. Her eyes closed and she made a pleased sound at the back of her throat that made Garrets heart race.  
Garrett crouched beside her chair one hand held the side of her chair for balance the other he placed on her knee under the table and looked up at her. “Is it any good, Dove?” He asked, his thumb making small circles on her knee. Merrill nodded in reply and offered the mug to him, “Want a taste?” She asked sweetly. He smiled provocatively and took a sip from her mug. “Mmm, not bad. But I’d rather have a taste of something else.” He said softly, running his tongue over his bottom lip.  
He caught movement in his peripheral; Carver had just walked in with Anders. Varric was at the bar getting more mugs of ale and Isabella was flirting in the corner with some helpless guy. Garrett’s eyes stayed locked with Merrill’s as he scanned the room. Merrill’s blush spread turning her ears and neck pink and lowered a hand from her mug to rest on top of his on her knee.  
“Like what?” she said to Garrett, barely a whisper. Garrett smirked, “How about a wager hmmm? How about winner gets a kiss?” Garrett turned his hand over under the table and entwined their fingers rubbing the back of her hand with his thumb.  
“Oh!” Merrill exclaimed blushing, “but what if Varric or Fenris wins?”  
Garrett shook his head gently making a uh-uh in reply. “This wager is just between you and me.”  
Merrill nodded and smiled shyly. “Nuvenin.” She swallowed thickly, “Yes.”  
Garrett stood and pulled her hand out from under the table to kiss the back of it. Merrill looked up through her lashes and licked her lips. Varric cleared his throat as he got close to the table trying to remember all the details to write down later. He set four full mugs of Ale in the center of the table before gesturing towards the door, “Better snag a seat, Chuckles! The gang’s all here!” Varric said loudly sitting on the chair next to Merrill, everyone had their spot, they never changed seats. Garrett winked at Merrill before walking around the table to his favorite chair.

Garrett hummed a tune to himself as he glanced around the table at his friends as they chattered and greeted each other. These were his friends, the people he had grown to trust no matter how crazy they were. Varric was shuffling the deck elaborately; Merrill was watching intently, the awe clear on her face. Fucking show off! He thought to himself with a chuckle, crossing his arms jealousy. Isabella tapped on Merrill’s shoulder getting her attention; she started whispering in Merrill’s ear. Merrill playfully smacked Isabella on the shoulder, her cheeks blushing again at whatever Isabella just told her. Garrett tipped his chair back onto its back legs and drank from his mug watching her intently. She looked over at him; a shy smile on her lips, Garrett winked in reply, setting down his mug and lacing his hands behind his head. He really wanted to lose this round. He couldn't wait to see what she tasted like and he licked his lips in anticipation.  
Carver was tapping a rhythm on the table with his hands watching Varric start to deal, the sound caught Garrett’s attention and he looked over away from Merrill. Carver’s eye still had a dark shadow around it from the bruise he left when he punched him days ago. Carver wouldn't let him heal it out of spite. Guilt clenched his gut and he lowered his chair back to all four legs and placed his hands on the edge of the table. Fenris sat down next to Garrett quietly grabbing a mug from the center of the table. He nodded in greeting to Garrett as he took a long drink. Garrett nodded back in greeting. Anders came sauntering up to the table, hands laden with small baskets of nuts. He began placing them around the table for everyone to share, setting the fullest of the baskets in front of Garrett, without notice.

“Hey Carver.” Garrett said, tossing a nut at his brother to get his attention, it bounced off his head and landed on the table.  
“What?”Carver said picking up the nut off the table and popping it into his mouth.  
Garrett leaned forward towards his brother and gestured for him to come near. “Want to run up the coast with me tomorrow? Got anything going on?” he asked.  
“Umm. Yeah sure. What we doing?” Carver said, leaning towards Garrett, careful not to touch Fenris, the surprise clear in his voice.

Garrett tossed a nut in the air and caught it with his mouth. He tossed one to his brother, over Fenris’s head, which he caught with his mouth like an ace. His mind flicked to memories of many boring days lying around the house in Lothering, when they were kids, tossing food and trying to catch it with their mouths. It was a game they could play without arguing about who won. It had become a challenge to see who could throw it the farthest and catch with their mouths. They had been scolded many a evenings by their parents because they would practice at the dinner table. Garrett smiled at the memory.

“Fenedhis” Fenris said under his breath, not appreciating the closeness of the brothers or the food being tossed over him.  
“Gotta chase down the Viscounts’ brat.” Garrett replied tossing another nut towards his brother.  
Carver shrugged after catching it and chewing, “Yeah sure.” He replied quickly turning his attention back to the table and the cards that were dealt to him.  
Garrett nudged Fenris’s thigh with his knee under the table. “You in, Fen?” He nodded to the spiky elf, tossing his bet into the center of the table with a clink.  
“Whatever you need, I am ready to assist.” Fenris said earnestly, placing his bet quietly in the center of the table. He began organizing the five cards he held in his hand, his brow furrowing. He didn’t mind Garrett’s touch as much as he used to. Garrett was a very touchy and affectionate human but knew where Fenris’s boundaries lay and was trusted not to cross them.

Garrett looked towards Isabella, “Isa, what you doing tomorrow?” he called across the table, watching her toss a couple coins into the pile.  
She smiled wickedly, holding her cards close to her chest, “Hopefully someone tall, dark and handsome…or I’d settle for small, glowy and spiky.” Isabella said leaning her elbows on the table and looking at Fenris. If he hadn’t seen her do this many times before he would expect Isabella’s shirt to rip open and expose her enticing breasts.  
Fenris’s eyes darted up and met hers from behind his cards, “I am anything but small, Isabella” He said with a smirk, innuendo on his voice.  
Garrett’s eyes instinctively shot to where Merrill sat next to Isabella, to gauge her reaction. She held her cards with both hands, fanned out covering her mouth; her eyes darted back and forth between Fenris and Isabella. He could see the blush rise on her cheeks and her eyes were round in shock. Garrett chuckled and shook his head, she got that one! He thought to himself, spending so much time with Isabella she was catching on to all the naughtiness.

“Oooo I bet.” Isabella said seductively. “I enjoy a man with markings like that”  
“You’ve enjoyed many, I suspect.”Fenris replied smugly.  
“Where I come from, they’re called “tattoos”. Sailors get them all the time.” Isabella said talking over Fenris, she sat back in her chair and pulled a card from her hand to toss on top of Anders card.  
“Not made of lyrium, I’d imagine.” Fenris said  
“Not a one. And the pictures are different…usually breasts.” Isabella said with a wink, wiggling her torso making her breasts sway.  
“I suppose a pair of lyrium breasts tattooed onto my chest would make things better.” Fenris replied as if he were seriously contemplating the idea.  
“That’s me. I’m a helper.” Isabella said, grinning.

“You know, Fenris, I have a tattoo.” Carver said eagerly, turning towards Fenris.  
“You have a what?” Fenris replied, distracted by it being his turn to play and set a card on the table.  
“A tattoo. A lot of us got them before Ostagar. It's a Mabari. For strength.” Carver said, gesturing towards his chest.  
“Does it curse you with the ability to reach into a man and tear out his insides?” Fenris replied dead-pan.  
“Uh. I can make it bark.” Carver’s cheeks turned red as he shrunk back into his chair and he looked at his cards, before tossing one down and picking up another from the deck.  
“ Please don't.” Fenris replied, tossing his card down.  
Garrett pulled a card from his deck and tossed it down.  
“ Yes, refrain.” Anders said across from Carver throwing down his card, and scooting his chair closer to Garrett.  
“Rather see it wag.” Isabella said biting her lower lip seductively at Carver, wagging her eyebrows, nudging Merrill in the arm with her elbow before she put her card down onto the pile.  
“ That's... ew.” Merrill squeaked, shrinking backwards into her chair, tossing the chosen card out onto the table as if it offended her. That reply made Garrett’s ego swell.  
“Seconded.” Varric said with a bark of a laugh and patted Merrill on the shoulder in reassurance as he put his card down.  
Carver tossed his card in the pile a sour look on his face. Fenris put his card down with a shake of his head.  
Garrett sighed, looked into Merrill’s eyes across the table and tossed the angel of death on top of all his friends’ cards. He laughed as everyone around the table complained and laid their hands face up.  
“We’ll I’ll be damned! Look at that Daisy! You won!” Varric exclaimed patting Merrill on the back in congratulations. Merrill giggled and scooped her hands around the pile of coin in the center of the table, drawing it towards her. She looked up at Garrett a tight-lipped smile on her face and he winked at her. That’s MY girl! He thought proudly to himself. He gestured with his head for her to come to him.  
“A suit of Angels! How appropriate!” Anders said, laughing loudly, tapping Garrett on the shoulder.  
Merrill left her winnings by her near empty mug, stood to walk around the table to Garrett, the bounce in her step lighter than normal, from her victory as well as the drink in her cup.

“Where you heading off too, Kitten?” Isabella called out to her.  
Merrill’s playful gaze stayed on Garrett as she replied, “Ma melana sahlin…”she said happily, “to claim my prize.” her arms clasped behind her as she sauntered around the table, slowly. Fenris’s eyebrows rose at what she said. He turned to watch her, curiously.  
Garrett pushed his chair back from the table making a loud screeching sound, his eyes locked on hers. He wanted to stand and rush to her but this was her win and he would let her come to him.  
Their comrades were quiet, watching them tentatively, they had witnessed many tender touches since they brought Merrill down from Sundermount and they wondered where it would go. The silence made her nervous but she was determined not to back down. Her fingers grazed the back of Garrett’s chair her thumb tracing his back, she was walking behind him agonizingly slowly. “Makers balls…” he said under his breath, making Merrill giggle, rubbing his palms on his knees impatiently. She continued walking past him as if to go to Anders, she was teasing him, and he grabbed her wrist and gently pulled her onto his knees, pressing his face into her neck. 

She squealed in delight at the sensation of his stubble on her sensitive skin and put her arms around his neck.  
Garrett caressed his hands over her waist, hips and lower back, nuzzled her neck and ear, whispering, “Tease...” so only she could hear. He looked into her stunning green eyes, he could see the streaks of gold in them this close.  
“Whatever do you mean?” she asked teasingly. He shook his head slightly and rubbed his nose encouragingly against hers. Isabella stood on her chair obnoxiously whooping and shouting. Merrill’s eyelids fluttered closed and she touched her lips to Garrett’s delicately. The kiss was soft, nearly chaste at first but Garrett’s insistent mouth parted her lips and the kiss became deep making their hearts beat faster. His hand braced the back of her head tenderly as he tasted the sweetness of her mouth. He growled and pulled back sooner than he wanted to because of the ruckus behind Merrill’s back. Garrett smiled at her and kissed her nose,”How was your reward?” He asked biting his lower lip teasingly.  
The others laughed and clapped at the sight of the two of them finally coming together, he heard Varric tell Isabella she owed him five silver. Fenris was chuckling and clapping his hands, his own brother was wolf-whistling at them. Traitor! He thought to himself happily. Anders found the bottom of his mug fascinating.  
“Ir Mirthadra.” She said breathlessly, inches from Garrett’s mouth her eyes lingering on his lips. He could feel her breath on his face and realized he was not finished; he wanted to take her somewhere private to explore her mouth thoroughly. Later… He thought to himself. Images of her pressed against him flicking through his mind. He’d walk her home after the game of Wicked Grace and take his time saying goodbye with his mouth. He smirked at the thought.

Garrett brushed her cheek with his lips and whispered in her ear, “What does that mean, Dove?”  
Merrill was running her hands tantalizingly through the hair on the back of his neck giving him goose bumps, as she whispered in reply, “It means I enjoyed it.”  
Varric cleared his throat loudly, “Okay! Okay!” he had his arms raised above his head and motioned for everyone to settle down.”We finishing this game or what?”

Garrett stood guiding Merrill to stand with him, his hands never leaving her waist, her hands still wrapped around his neck. He looked down into her eyes and winked before he elaborately dunked Merrill to the side and began to kiss her dramatically. They want a show, I’ll give them a show!, he thought cheekily. His lips massaged hers thoroughly, making sure to make the lewdest noises he could without shaming her. He stood abruptly, standing her on her feet before twirling her out from his grip. He patted her on her bottom and pushed her softly forward with encouragement to go back to her seat before flopping onto his own, his knees were shaky. She stumbled back to her chair in a daze, grinning and holding on to her bottom with both hands.

Isabella side hugged Merrill, “Was that your first kiss, Kitten?” she teased.  
Merrill nodded and giggled in reply.  
Garrett wanted to crawl under the table and hide. He knew she was naive, but her first kiss? He felt guilty about making her first kiss public like he did, and just stared at her wide eyed. He had done it on purpose, to stake his claim on her in front of everyone, especially Carver. He covered his mouth with his hand and rubbed at the stubble in frustration, he hopped he didn't mess anything up between them. She winked shyly at Garrett and blew him a kiss from across the table, reassuring him, before turning to watch Varric's quick hands shuffle and deal. Maker help me! Garrett thought, I think I love her already. He grinned and guzzled his ale down happily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ma serranas – Thank You  
> Nuvenin – as you say  
> Ma melana sahlin – my time is come  
> Ir Mirthadra– I am honored
> 
>  
> 
> “The Gambler” - Kenny Rogers


	5. "My My My"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett drops an apple ... and his breeches. Also, Inappropriate usage of a pillow. ;)

\--

“Garrett, dear, before the storm gets any worse..Garrett!” His mother was patting his arm urgently to get his attention as he leaned over his uncles table, sorting through, what seemed to him, endless requests. His eyes were scanning over a letter from a Hubert, who names things The Bone Pit anyways, he thought distractedly. It never ended, someone always wanted something. He just got in and barely got his armor off, hadn’t even taken off his boots and coat. He had less than a week till the expedition into the deep roads and too many loose ends to tie up.  
He pulled his face away from the message to stand and look into his mother's face. Her hair was down and she was in her night clothes, ready for bed.  
“Darling, I have a basket for Merrill. Would you please take it to her before you settle for the evening? She hardly eats and the poor dear is so thin she might just get blown out to sea with the faintest gust from this storm.”  
Garrett snorted at his mother’s over exaggeration, “Honestly mother, she’s an elf…she’s….willowy, not thin.” his fingers fluttering up in the air as he said the word willowy. 

Willowy was not the first word to come to his mind though, but he knew his mother would not of appreciated the words he would use to describe Merrill’s body. Leandra tsked and slapped her sons arm playfully. She pointed at Garret then pointed at the basket setting on the table.  
“Thank you dear.” She said as she walked away toward her and his uncle’s room.

Garret was tired. The day had been long, traipsing all around the city with Carver, Varric and Aveline. His feet were killing him. He needed new boots, as soon as he could afford a decent pair, he thought to himself idly. He hadn’t had time to see Merrill today and the thought of being next to her, touching her, delighted him. A flash of lighting caught his eye from the high window of his uncle’s entryway. If he was going to go, it should be soon, the sky wasn’t going to hold for very long. He thought for a moment about grabbing his staff and putting his armor back on but thought better of it. The way from his uncle's to Merrill’s was safe; he’d paid to see it that way. He grabbed the basket and almost went out the door, nearly forgetting the key Merrill gave him.

“I got you this key, Hawke.” Merrill had said placing the key in Garrett’s hand gingerly. She wrapped her small hands around his making a fist with the key inside his palm. She wouldn’t look up into his face. He could see the blush of her cheeks looking down at her from this angle. She was lovely and it took all his willpower to not kiss her. She didn’t know he already had a key to her house, stashed away under his bedroll.  
“Not just you though. I mean I got Varric a key too. But not Isabella. Not that I don’t trust Isabella. But I don’t. Not like that anyway. She would just walk in!” She stumbled over her words trying not to embarrass herself, her small hands wrapped around his holding this new treasure.

“Shut up now Merrill.” She had said to herself in a whisper Garrett barely heard. Garrett always flustered her, he didn’t even have to say anything, he only had to stand there being himself. Garrett's face lit up with a delighted smile as he looked down at her. He couldn’t help it and he kissed the top of her head. She let go of his hand and stepped back to look at him with a sheepish smile of her own.  
“Thank you, Dove.” He said brightly the sweet smell of her hair lingering in his senses. He missed the way she smelled. He missed the way he could turn and watch her sleep next to him. She looked away her cheeks hot from blushing. He raised his hand to turn her face back to him.

“No I mean it, thank you. For trusting me.” He brushed his thumb across her chin, tracing the curl of Vallaslin there, before pulling out of her soft grip. If they kept touching like this,his will would falter, he would kiss her and the last thing he wanted was to push her too fast. He put the key in his pocket where he would later place next to the other one in the small chest that contained all that he valued in this world.

He didn’t bother to knock he just inserted the key and stepped inside the semi-darkened and quiet house. He took his boots off awkwardly trying not to fall on his arse, the basket dangling from the crook of his elbow. He set them one by one against the wall to let them drip near the door, flexing his sore toes with a sigh of relief, he pulled off his socks and laid them on each shoe.  
The clouds let loose as soon as he neared the alienage stairs. He managed to cover the basket with his coat so that the food inside wouldn’t get wet, his mother would kill him if he let that happen. His hair was wet and clung to his forehead; he shook it like a mabari to get some of the water off, splattering water all over Merrill’s walls. The entryway was empty but the fire near her table was still burning so she must still be awake, he thought nonchalantly. Merrill must be back in her room with one of her books, he presumed, making his way to the warm fire and placed the basket on the table. He pulled his wet jacket off and placed it on the back of a chair closest to the fire, leaving him in his plain tunic and trousers.  
He had come to visit often and in the beginning he would knock to no reply. He would let himself in calling her name and more times than not she would often be sitting on any one of the surfaces in her house reading from a book, transfixed and not hearing anything but her own thoughts. It both troubled and awed him for her to be so enraptured by something. It was dangerous to be so off guard, especially in the alienage, but he and Varric saw that her home was watched day and night. He would die before he let anything happen to his friends, especially her.  
He smiled at the memory of finding her lying on the top of a bookshelf, her leg dangling down as she read. He secretly adored the fact that she didn’t use furniture like you were supposed to.

Lightning flashed and filled the room with light as the rain pounded outside, the sound more dramatic from falling on the tin roof. Garrett was unpacking the basket on the table when he glanced towards Merrill’s cracked bedroom door, there was a soft light coming from her room. He’d just set everything out then go and find her. He’d sit with her awhile, while she ate, before heading back home. He loved watching her eat, she would pick her food apart with her fingers before putting it into her mouth; it became a part of his routine. He loved watching her do anything, if he were honest with himself. He had just picked up a ripe green apple and was about to set it down next to the heavy Fereldan bread his mother made, when he heard a groan. He knew the sound, fighting next to Merrill he heard it often enough when she was hit during battle. He walked quickly towards her door, his heart racing, magic coming instinctively to his free hand. He now regretted not grabbing his staff before he left his uncles. Damn it. His mind flipped through horrific images of what could be happening to Merrill and it terrified him. He was ready to fight and tear anyone apart who was hurting her. Nothing he expected to see prepared him for the vision in front of him. He pushed the door open and his jaw dropped.

\--

Merrill was dressed in nothing but one of the tunics he had given to her, like the one he wore now, and smalls. It was big on her and the neck slid down her shoulder, she was sensually straddling a pillow, his pillow, the one he gave her. A candle on her bedside table was the only light in the room, except for the bursts of light the lightning brought, and he could see the outline of her body through the thin tunic with each flash. Maker she was beautiful he thought as his heart pounded in his chest, he swallowed hard, his mouth going dry at the sight.  
Her face hung down towards the bed black hair falling over her face. Her eyes closed, and mouth open in pleasure as she rutted. She was making little illicit mewling noises as she gripped the red pillow with the white flowers between her thighs, her body undulating against that maker blessed pillow. He heard her murmur dalish words under her breath that he couldn’t understand. Then he heard his name fall from her lips in a whisper and he nearly fell to his knees from the sound of it.  
The adrenaline and magic that had gathered in him drained quickly, making his hands shake. His mouth watered as he watched, his arms dropping like lead to his sides. He knew he should probably turn around, leave, but he couldn’t look away. All sense left him and the only thing he could think of was touching her. His hands needed to be on her, in her, around her.  
The apple fell from his hand and he heard it, distractedly, roll under the bed. His eyes lingered on Merrill’s supple body taking in the dreamy scene. Merrill’s eyes snapped open and met his when she heard the apple fall. Her movements stopped abruptly and she shuffled off the pillow as quick as she could without falling over.  
“Garret! W-what are you…what are doing here!” she floundered off of her bed and tugged her overlarge tunic down embarrassingly. She tried covering her smalls by crossing her arms in front of her.  
Garrett gazed at her disbelievingly, his eyes dark and hooded with lust. He took a few slow steps closer to her, lightning flashes lit up her small bedroom.  
“I was just wondering if I had fallen into the fade.” He kept his blue eyes glued to hers as he shook his head softly. She didn’t look away, her face was flushed and she swallowed hard.  
“I’m fairly c-certain this is real.” She whispered as he grew closer.  
“Are you sure. Because I could swear you are a desire demon taunting my dreams.” Garrett said his voice gravelly with lust. He knew what to look for in the fade and his mind went through the series of tells he habitually used to be sure he never mistook the fade for reality, just in case. Nothing was off, this was real he reassured himself. He prayed this vision before him was not a very talented demon, because he would fall tonight, not being able to stop himself this time because this was too tempting.  
“Maker Merrill, you’re beautiful.” His gaze caressed her body as he looked her up and down eagerly. His eyes stopped on her lips and he licked his hungrily, remembering what she tasted like, as he continued to drift towards her.  
He reminded her of a stalking wolf the way he stood and walked closer towards her. His eyes were so dark and predatory, she had never seen him like this and it both frightened and excited her, the storm raging outside, made him look even more intimidating. The look he gave her made her belly burn with need. She licked her lips, her breath coming faster as he came closer. She wanted to run, unsure if it was away from or to him, she only knew that she needed to move. 

She reached a hand out, palm forward, towards him as he closed the distance between them. Her hand met his chest and he stopped, his hand gently met her wrist and he lifted her upturned hand to meet his mouth. He kissed her palm as his heart raced, watching her face to gauge her reaction.  
He would stop if she showed any sign that she wanted him to, but she was going to have to be the one to stop him, his limits were firmly being pressed. He wasn’t going to be able to stop himself from touching her, maker help him, desire demon or not. Her eyes closed and she made the most enticing little moan as he bit her gently on the meaty side of her thumb, his swollen cock giving an interested twitch at the sound. His tongue was quick to lick the bite lessening the sting. He kissed her wrist and he watched her chest rise and fall as she began panting. He could see the outline of her hardened nipples perched atop her firm breasts and his mouth watered; he continued trailing rousing kisses and bites up her arm to her shoulder.

He raised his head and looked into her eyes. They mirrored the desire he was feeling inside himself, her green eyes were dark and hooded with arousal. Her body was so close to his that her heaving breasts nearly touched his chest, and he could smell the tangy sweetness of her arousal.  
“Merrill…” Garrett said eagerly. The images of what he wanted to do, memories of the ritual, were flicking in his brain, making his mind reel and his body ache with need. “…use me instead.”  
He turned his eyes to her bed, staring at the pillow, her eyes following his. Merrill swallowed hard, mumbling words under her breath, in her native tongue.  
He caught on to a phrase that he knew well, she used it so often especially when she was frustrated, “Fen'Harel ma halam” Merrill gasped out, practically panting.  
He smirked seductively at her curses, “He isn’t here…but I am. Let me Merrill.” He pleaded with her as one slightly trembling hand caressed her cheek and other ran along the hem of the tunic waiting for her response, for her permission.  
“Yes.” She breathed.

\--

Garrett walked backwards to her bed, pulling his tunic off and letting it drop to the floor, his heart was pounding with excitement. He began unbuckling his belt, untying his breeches, watching her watching his fingers as he pulled them open, displaying the outline of his cock behind his smalls, pressing up into his hip. Merrill swallowed thickly and looked down shyly at the sight, as he slipped his breeches down and stepped out of them, leaving his smalls on. He adjusted himself so his cock stood up, pressed against his stomach to his belly button; stroking himself briefly to take the ache away. He sat on the edge of the bed and held his hand out to her invitingly.

“Do you trust me, Mer?” Garrett asked tenderly.  
Merrill looked up at him, her face and ears flushed pink, “Y-you know I do. I trust you with my life.” She said, placing her hand in his. Garrett pulled her to him and guided her to straddle his lap, her knees on either side of his hips.  
Garrett pressed his face to her neck, kissing and sucking her along her jaw, caressing her lower back, “Will you trust me with your body, Mer?” He whispered between kisses.

Merrill turned her head, exposing her neck for Garrett to continue, her hips were making meager thrusting motions, “Garrett…Y-you know I’ve never. I mean I haven’t done…”  
Garrett silenced her with his mouth, biting and licking.  
“Mer…” He groaned into her mouth; he knew she had to have been a virgin, but to hear it from her made him wild with the primal need to take her, scenes from the ritual pounding into his head. His hands were desperate, moving from her back to grip her bottom, pressing her against him.

“These stay on.” Garrett said, running his finger under the back waistband of her smalls. “Mine will too, okay?”, his voice husky. “You say stop, I stop...we do nothing you don’t want to do, okay?”

Merrill just nodded as he lay back on the bed, pulling her against him. He pulled her up by her thighs, lining her mound onto his hard cock, both of them crying out at the incredible sensation. Merrill sat up and began making small quick thrusts at the base of his cock, with her hips, her hands clenching on her thighs; like Garrett watched her do with her pillow. Garrett explored her ample breasts with his hands, watching the delighted face she made when he ran a finger nail over her hardened nipple. They were firm, the nipples sitting on top, pointing slightly outward, the bottom swell full and firm. He leaned up and kissed her breasts, nibbling the bottom swell of them, before lavishing them with his mouth, wetting the fabric; making the tunic cling to her. He pulled his mouth away to look, he could see how pink her nipples were through the thin fabric, and grinned roguishly at her pert breasts, they were the same shade as her lips.  
“Please…” She begged, tugging on his hair, pushing his head back onto her breast greedily, grinding on him in quick little surges; he licked her tight nipple into his mouth, sucking hard, and twisting the other between thumb and finger. She moaned lustily as the tremors of her orgasm wracked her body. He laid back, pulling her with him, his hands restlessly caressing her sides and back as she gasped and shuddered.  
“Maker! Mer you’re so beautiful. I want you to do that for me again.” Garrett pleaded, his hands shaking as he tried not to move under her, he didn’t want to put pressure on her sensitive mound until she was ready, but his cock was painfully throbbing for release.  
Merrill leaned up on him, her hands on his chest, “Garrett..”, she pleaded before bringing her lips to his in a breathless kiss. Garrett was fighting the urge to spin her on her back and taking her fully. He had his Kaddis knife on his belt; he knew she wouldn’t question him, he could fill her belly with his child and she would be his forever.  
He groaned into her mouth as he ran his hands down her back to seize her bottom, grinding her down onto him, his fingers slipping under the fabric and running down the inside of the cleft of her backside. Merrill stilled, startled, as his fingers slid against her pucker. He didn’t even need to do the ritual, he could slide her smalls to the side and push up into her heat like this, one thrust.  
Garret grunted as she stilled, moving his hands back to her hips. His fingers were desperate and pushed into her hips, needing more friction against his aching cock. She ground against him, sliding her hips forwards up to his belly button and back against his length as his hands guided her. “Mmm yeah, just like that Mer.” Garrett growled in approval.  
Merrill unintentionally ran her nails down his sides making him buck into her mound, hitting her pearl, pulling a sinful moan from her throat that nearly made him come.  
He pushed her hips down hard, “Mer, give me one more…Come for me” He panted out, increasing the speed of her sliding hips, holding on until her pleasure came. She arched after a few more strokes against his cock, her mouth hanging open, as another orgasm rocked her body, Garrett watched in awe. He felt a surge of liquid warmth coming from her, soaking the thin fabric between them and it pushed him over the edge, he came with a roar, gripping her hips hard; not thinking if it would leave bruises or not. She slumped forward onto his sweat slicked chest, panting, and he caressed her back and bottom under her tunic as they came down from their bliss.  
Garrett rolled Merrill over onto her side and pressed up against her back, wrapping his arm around her waist protectively. They listened to the sound of the rain hitting the tin roof, the claps of thunder preceding blinding bursts of light as they lie together. They lulled off to sleep quickly, completely sated. Merrill pulled his hand up to her chest, kissing the back of it sweetly before they drifted, her favorite pillow long forgotten.

\--

Garrett woke late in the night, the rain light on the roof. He felt around for Merrill but the bed was empty, called into the dark, “Mer?”  
“I’m here.” She said softly from the end of the bed where she was sitting, her knees drawn up to her chest, her chin resting on them; the tunic hanging off of her shoulder.  
Garrett smiled at her. “What you doing?” he asked; sitting and swinging his legs off the bed.  
“Watching you.” she said, returning his smile, lowering her legs to stand as he stepped to her.

Garrett enclosed her in his arms and kissed her softly. “You okay, Dove?” he whispered into her ear, trailing kisses from her jaw back to her mouth.  
She replied with a uh-huh and busied her lips on his, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “If a bit sticky and stinky” she said breaking their kiss and wrinkling her nose.  
Garrett snorted, “I like the way we smell…” he said, taking a step back, breathing in deeply with a mischievous smile on his lips.  
Merrill smacked him playfully on his bare chest, “By the Dread Wolf, your terrible!” she squealed, her face and ears blushing.  
Garrett laughed and tugged on her hand as he led her down the hall to her washroom, wicked thoughts about them in her bathtub on his mind. He stopped in front of the small washroom, crestfallen at the lack of a tub. He was going to have to see if Fenris had a spare lying around his dilapidated mansion. She had a bucket and he doubted they could more than fit their feet in it. He released her hand and bent to cast ice then fire into the bucket, filling it with water. He cast a small fire rune at the bottom making the water steam.  
“There you go, Mer.” Garrett said with a proud smile, kissing the top of her head. “You get cleaned up and I’ll go finish what I started earlier. Dinner!”  
Merrill tugged on his elbow as he tried to pass, “What about you?” she looked down at his stained smalls and blushed profusely. Garrett ran his knuckles down her cheek.  
“I can take these off. I have my breeches.” He said winking slyly at her before kissing the top of her head again.  
He rolled the soiled smalls into a ball and set them just under the corner of her bed, he’d take care of those later. He pulled on his breeches, he still could smell her arousal on him and it made his cock twitch and swell in anticipation. He took a deep breath and tucked himself up in his waistband. He wasn’t going to push his luck, he had limits, her being naked down the hall was a dangerous temptation.  
He moved to the kitchen instead, filled a kettle with ice and placed it on the hearth to melt and began busying himself with preparing their dinner. The splashing of water in the background, as Merrill bathed, made him smile happily. He craved for this to be his everyday, being with her, sleeping with her, bathing her, cooking for her and his skin was crawling with the need of it. An image in his mind of her with a rounded belly, watching it grow every day, made his chest tight and a lump swell in his throat. He wanted her to be his life, she was already his everything, but he just needed her to want the same thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fen'Harel ma halam - Dread wolf end you
> 
> “My My My” - Troye Sivan


	6. "Friends in Low Places"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We all need a little help from our friends.

\--

“Anders, I need your help with something.” Garrett said nervously.  
“Come to Darktown, and I’ll get you a salve or something.” Anders said casually.  
Garrett sputtered, “What? No!”  
Running a hand through his hair with frustration Garrett stammered, “You do know I’m a …. I mean you’ve seen me use it plenty of times.” not looking Anders in the eye. The breeze was blowing off the sea tickling the back of his neck. They were wandering the Wounded Coast looking for slaver caverns and a kid named Feynriel; it had been at least three hours and Garrett was pretty sure he was lost but did not want to admit it.  
“A what? A mage? Yeah Hawke, that’s nothing new. I think even the templar’s have figured that out by now.” Anders replied bumping shoulders with Hawke playfully and snickering at Garrett’s hair sticking up, he thought it was cute.  
“No I mean. I use blood…” Garrett gestures towards the kaddis and blood mark smeared across his nose, rolling his eyes.  
Anders stopped walking abruptly, raising his eyebrows staring at hawks face paint. “That? I thought that was Kaddis?” He leaned forward studding it with curiosity raising a hand as if he wanted to touch it. Garrett brushed aside his hand gently, a snort of impatience leaving him.

“Well yeah, it is. Just with a little of me mixed in it.” He puts his palm out showing Anders his hand. He had made countless cuts there over the years, to mix his blood with his Kaddis. There were only a few small white lines to show what he had done and could be passed as farmhands scars. They were from his younger years, before he was practiced in the act; healing magic took the rest away.  
Garrett reaches for the vial at his belt and draws out the familiar miniature dagger inside with a small amount of Kaddis clinging to it. He draws the blade across the palm of his hand, making a small cut. He runs the flat edge of the dagger next to the pooling blood, leaving the Kaddis to mix. Anders watches Garret perform the ritual warily.  
“No one would know what I just did, unless I let them see.” He said softly holding his palm out towards Anders, while rubbing his fingers in his palm. He raises his blood and Kaddis coated fingers to his cheek and runs it over the dried coat of the mixture on his face.

Anders puts his hands on his hips and shakes his head. “But why Hawke. Why would you resort to blood magic? I’ve seen your power and what you do with it and it is not from that. You don’t need to use it! It’s dangerous and you know better!”  
Hawke squeezed Anders forearm in reassurance, watching his friends eyes turn blue around the edges. Fuck! Not now Justice! He thought, alarmed at the sight.  
“I don’t use it like that Anders. I don’t use it for power.” Hawke thinks how to say what he means without rambling like an idiot.  
“It’s more like a guard. “ He shrugs, not knowing what else to say.

Anders shook his head in exasperation, “I don’t understand Hawke, and how the hell did you get into something like that! So when you first did blood magic, it was…just an accident, right? You just cut yourself on that little dagger you just showed me and realized the power? You didn’t actually deal with a demon?”Garrett smirks at Anders and shrugs his palms raised towards the clear sky.  
“Oh, no, I did! But not with a demon….it’s more than what you’re thinking. It is a very long and very old story that I want to tell you.” He gestures toward Merrill and Isabella who had continued walking up the path, not realizing the men behind them had stopped. Their faces were turned toward each other as they walked slowly.

“She is the reason.” Garrett smiled brightly and nodded in their direction. Isabella had her hands spread out gesturing a size of something. Merrill was blushing and had a hand over her mouth in a giggle. He could see the redness from her blush, even as far away as he was from her. She’s so lovely out here with the sun shining on her face. He thought and couldn’t help but smile and stare. She turned her gaze back towards him and Anders, catching his eye and smiled sweetly at him, wiggling her fingers at him over her shoulder. He winked at her and started walking forward again as she returned her focus back to Isabella and their conversation about who knows what. He hoped it was about something harmless like the size of knitting needles or something else instead of what he thought, Isabella and her stories.

“Hawke, tell me you didn’t become a blood mage for her?” Anders said with closed teeth. “I know it isn’t my place to criticize, but… are you sure about Merrill? She acts sweet, but she’ll never choose you over her demon.”  
“What? NO! Oh maker, no Anders!” Garrett said quickly. “I’ve been… this…since I was fourteen!”his hand gesturing towards the mark on his face at the word this.  
Anders sputtered, “Fouteen? How are you not an abomination?”  
“I told you. It’s not typical blood magic, Anders.” He put his hand on Anders elbow to encourage they keep walking. The girls were getting farther ahead of them and it was making him nervous.  
“It began with my parents…We’ll no...Not them.” Garrett sighed at Anders in frustration, his hands gesticulating. “I’m tripping over my words…I don’t know how to explain without sounding like a damned fool.”

“Start from the beginning.” Anders said constructively.  
“Can we do this later, tonight maybe, at the clinic? Loads of opportunity to talk privately there? And, um, fewer distractions, if you’re not busy, that is.” He asked Anders, the words tumbling out of his mouth in a hurry. He was trying to tear his focus away from Merrill’s backside swaying as she walked, his hands twitched wanting to touch.  
“Yeah, that would be okay. As long as you don’t plan on sacrificing me to your demon or anything” Anders said stiffly, a nervous laugh escaping his throat. That got Hawke’s attention away from the lovely sight in front of him and the memory he was having of what she looked like under that armor in nothing but his tunic.  
He stopped in his tracks and punched Anders in the arm playfully. “Never! What would I do without my favorite Grey Warden and the prettiest healer this side of Thedas!” he laughed and jumped as he felt the familiar ting of the magic zap that hit him in the butt cheek.  
It was Anders favorite move, “Ouch Anders, shit! I didn’t even hit you that hard!” He laughed and rubbed the sting from his butt. “I’ll bring a bottle! We’ll make a night of it!” Garrett exclaimed happily.  
Garrett jogged up behind the girls and grabbed Merrill around the waist lifting her off the ground and twirled her in a circle. She squealed in delight and gripped Garrett’s shoulders, their lips crashing together. Isabella patted away Merrill’s feet and tried not to get kicked in the face. Anders just shook his head at the sight, wondering if he should trust either of them.

\--

Garrett stopped by the familiar vending stalls he frequented on his way to dark town. He picked up some bread, cheese and a bottle of spirits to take to Ander’s. Some spirits for my favorite spirit he thought smugly, chuckling to himself at the bad pun. He had already had one hand full with a sack his mother had handed him to take to Anders, while he was going anyway his mother had said handing it to him as he walked out the door. He set the bag down by his feet to hand out a few copper to the beggars in the marketplace. He picked up the sack and threw it back over his shoulder thinking fondly of his mother. She had formed the habit of collecting clothing and other sundries for the people Anders helped. This one was filled with rags that could be made into much needed bandages. Anders always complained he ran out, this should make him happy. Garrett thought, as he continued on his way.

He heard the woman’s screams coming from the clinic as he got closer and his stomach clenched. His pace quickened till he pushed the door open and walked inside. The room was empty all but three people standing around a table. One was Anders and he was in the middle of delivering a woman’s baby, he assumed by the position both she and Anders were in, which was what the screaming was about. Garrett skimmed the wall around the room to the back where Anders slept, he didn’t want to interrupt.

Garrett set the sack on the bed in the corner of the spare room and walked over to the little table and chairs to lay out the food he got for their dinner. The room was clean, if not run down. The woman screamed again and the hair on the back of his neck stood up. Makers blood!, he thought helplessly at the pain in her voice. He could hear Anders and another man’s voice saying encouraging words to the woman as he set the meal out. It made him smile to himself. He heard the scream come again, shorter this time, and then the cry of a baby. He scrunched his eyes tightly closed at the knot that was forming in his throat. I want that, He told himself. 

His mind flipped through images of Merrill making those awful screams and goose bumps raised on his arms. He was going to cause her to have that pain if he kept going down the path he was choosing to take. He shook his head at that thought and went to look out the doorway at the scene there. Anders was still sitting low and in between the woman’s legs but she now held her child to her chest, a man had his hand on the babies back and was kissing the women’s forehead. He smiled at the sight and turned back to sit and wait for Anders.  
Garrett kicked his dirty, scuffed boots off and shoved them under the bed sitting cross legged on Ander’s bed while he flipped through a random book he grabbed on the shelf. Dry reading! He thought with a huff as he realized it was a book about herbology. He flipped through the pages looking at the drawings of plants leisurely, until Anders cleared his throat to get his attention. He had his arms crossed in the doorway his hip against the doorframe. Garrett closed the book and smirked up at Anders, “Hey you! Exciting night?” he gestured to the clinic with the book in his hand.  
“Not too bad today!”, Anders replied sauntering over to the table, pulling off his coat and hanging it on the back of a chair, revealing a too thin frame. He walked over to Garrett and flopped down next to him on the bed. He leaned his boney shoulder against Garrett’s, snatching the book from his hand. He shook his head and said, “Really? You’re reading my book about herbology?”, humor lacing his voice.  
Garrett shrugged and smiled at Anders, “Just passing the time, while the heroes do all the work.” He looked down at Anders and had the urge to kiss his mouth, out of habit not desire. His mind conjured the memory of Merrill’s mouth on his and he wanted nothing but her. He leaned down and kissed Anders on the forehead instead before standing and walking toward the table and their dinner.

“Hungry?” he asked looking back at Anders.  
“Starved! Haven’t eaten a thing today.” Anders replied with a tired huff, walking over to the table to sit on the opposite side of Garrett.  
They tore chunks off the bread and cheese eating quietly, comfortable with the silence, for several minutes. Garrett used his teeth to uncork the dark bottle of spirits sitting on the table spitting the cork on the floor without a care.  
Anders stood smirking and shaking his head at Garrett’s garish behavior, “I do have glasses, you know. I’m not completely uncivilized.” He sauntered over to a cabinet and produced two mismatched glasses, his eyebrows raised when he turned around to see Garrett drinking from the bottle.  
Garrett smiled his roguish smile at Anders, “Who needs glasses?” he said winking.  
Anders replied with a tsk and sat back down handing a glass to Garrett. “We do, obviously.”  
Garrett snickered and poured the amber liquid into Anders glass first, then some into his.  
“Mmmmmm, not bad.” Anders said with approval leaning back against the chair, kicking his boots off. He crossed his ankles out in front of him and smiled at Garrett.

“So…Blood magic huh?” he said teasingly raising an eyebrow.  
Garrett snorted and downed the rest of the liquid in his glass before refilling it and leaning over to pour more into Anders glass.  
“That’s going to be it for me. Justice doesn’t let me get drunk I’m afraid, as you know.”Anders said nodding at the bottle in Garrett’s hand.  
Garrett huffed frustratingly, forgetting about that fact. He was hoping they could get plastered then things would be easier to say and to understand.  
“We’ll that will make what I have to say a lot easier if I get to drink the whole bottle.” He laughed and poured the liquid down his throat to refill the glass again.  
Anders laughed in reply and sipped his drink, enjoying the taste. “Careful or you will end up passed out before you can say anything. Not that i would mind you passed out in my bed, but you know.” Anders winked.  
Garrett snorted and set the glass on the table. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration at the lack of words that were coming to him. “So…a long long time ago, I think it was like nine generations ago or something.” Garrett rambled, his hands gesture in front of him. “My family bonded with a demon, well sort of a demon. He isn’t typical in the way demons are, he’s a spirit. He doesn’t want to possess us, he wants to teach and learn and to ….. Just exist throughout time. He’s ancient.” Garrett stood and fiddled with the feathers on Anders coat on the back of the chair.  
“What kind of demon is it?” Anders asked, the anxiety heavy in his voice.  
“I call it a him. The Grandfather is his name, to be specific.” Garrett looked down at the feathers as his fingers twiddled with them. “He is a Vitality spirit. Not a demon, Anders”  
“You gave it a name Garrett?” Anders asked cautiously.

Garrett shook his head, “I didn’t, not personally anyhow. He’s inherited, for lack of better words.” He wandered near a shelf containing many bottles of different shapes and colors. His fingers roamed over the various bottles on the shelf in front of him nervously.  
“I was given an option. If I did not take him another in our bloodline would have, probably my sister Bethany.” Garrett admitted. “We always have a choice though. I chose to take what he offered.” Garrett said quietly, hoping Anders understood what he was saying. He didn’t want to lose him as a friend or a healer for the group.  
“I choose it every time I perform the kaddis ritual and I hope my child chooses him too.” His hand clenched around a bottle that he thought looked like the color green in Merrill’s eyes when it was dark. He felt Ander’s arms circle around his waist and he sighed in surprise, not hearing him walk up behind him.  
“It’s more than that though. He trains us; it’s why we are so strong. He teaches us methods that are ancient and long forgotten. He taught my father…” Garrett fidgets with the bottle trying to decide what to say next. “He protects us in the fade. Well from the really bad ones anyway. I still have to deal with the minor ones from time to time.”  
Anders laid his head on Garrett’s shoulder and asked, “What was the price Garrett?”

Garrett rolled the bottle in his hands looking at it as the light moved on it changing its color. He sighed deeply and leaned his head back on Anders shoulder, closing his eyes.  
“The price is he’s a terrible nag and petulant when he doesn’t get what he wants!” Garrett whined teasingly in reply. Anders loosened his arms and stepped back.  
“I’m serious. There is always a price, Garrett.”Anders said frustrated “Maybe you don’t really understand the difference between spirits and demons.”

Garrett set the bottle back on the shelf and turned, placing his palms on the cabinet behind him as he leaned his bottom against it. “That wasn’t a complete joke, Anders. He troubles my dreams nightly. Whether it’s for training, teaching or reliving my memories my dreams are used as he sees fit. The price is not all that steep, for what he gives. ” Garrett thrums his fingers idly against the cabinet.  
“Lately, he shows me…taunts me…with the ritual he wants me to perform.”  
“A ritual? What kind of ritual?” Anders asks, his eyebrows raised questioningly.  
Garrett looks down at Anders bare feet, not sure if he wanted to tell the truth or skip this part. “He wants me to perform a ritual on Merrill. It will produce a child…” He looks up into Anders eyes, pleading for him to understand, “She’s a virgin Anders. This ritual will guarantee a mage child, an heir for my family and for The Grandfather’s future. See he doesn’t want one life, he will never possess us, he wants to continue down my blood line.”  
Garrett swallowed hard, his emotions tightening his chest. “I’m the last mage left…a-and I need to do this, I need your help”  
“That seems impossible.”Anders says his eyes wide in surprise.  
Garrett smirks, “And yet it has already happened. Here I stand as proof, as did my father before me. My parents performed the ritual to produce me.”  
Anders took a step forward his golden eyes searching Garrett’s blue. He was fighting between the need to smack his friend across the face at his stupidity in trusting a demon and its rituals or to kiss him. He closed the distance between them and ran his knuckles down Garrett’s cheek. Garrett nuzzled Ander’s soft, hand tenderly kissing the palm. He just delivered a child with this hand he thought in awe of the healer in front of him.

“If I would have met you a year earlier…”Anders whispered, desire in his voice.  
Garrett raised his hand to take Anders in his putting their joined hands on his chest. “We would have gotten into much more trouble, wouldn’t we have.” He replied quietly. Anders just nodded and leaned into Garrett’s chest, their lips inches apart.  
“My heart is so full of her, Anders. Some days it’s hard to breath with the weight of it.” He whispered. He caressed the back of Anders hand with his thumb making little nervous circles. Anders leaned in and pressed his lips to Garrett’s kissing him chastely. Their eyes didn’t close during the kiss and a smile formed on their lips when they pulled away from each other.  
Anders pulled his hand away and turned back to the table to sit and pick at the bread and cheese.  
“What do you need of me Hawke? I hope you’re not asking me to hold her feet or anything.” Anders joked, trying to lighten the situation.  
Garrett snorted in reply, “That’s what my shoulders are for.” He said wickedly as he joined Anders at the table. Anders sipped from his almost empty glass and took the bottle to refill Garrett’s glass. He wanted to hate Merrill for being in the place he wanted to be, but he couldn’t.  
“I need your help before…She and I…umm get to that part.” Garrett said taking a long drink from his glass, feeling uncharacteristically awkward.  
“I want to take her to meet The Grandfather. In order to do that, we need to walk the fade...together.” Garrett ran a fingertip over the rim of his glass. “I can’t do it without help, and protection...in case things go wrong.”  
Ander leaned his elbows on the table and tucked his hands under his chin. “You want me to take your girlfriend to meet your grandfather? I’m honored!” He said jokingly, the liquor making him feel playful.  
Garrett threw his head back and laughed loudly, “Well, yes.” He said “Will you help me then?”  
“Of course.” Anders simply said, his smile not quite reaching his eyes.

\--

Garrett led Merrill up a secluded path by the hand, Anders following a few steps behind. It was late morning and the sky was blue, a good day for walking the fade, Garrett thought sarcastically. He focused on the faint tinkling of jars coming from Anders; he was carrying a lot of lyrium potions in a satchel. They left Fenris at the entrance to the path, guarding for them. He, Fenris and Anders had come up to the coast earlier to set up a tent so that they had a safe place away from anyone they could hurt, should the worse happen and one of them become an abomination. Fenris was reluctant to help, but Garrett had persuaded the elf that he was the only one he could trust to kill him and Merrill should they turn.

Garrett told Merrill very little about what they were about to do. She knew he practiced blood magic but differently than she did. He had shown her the ritual when she questioned his kaddis-blood paint across his face, the first morning she stayed in Kirkwall with him. He had given her a depthless explanation of The Grandfather as well and how he had inherited the spirit from his father.  
Merrill was completely fascinated by his circumstances and pressed for more information. Garrett had just squeezed her hands and softly said he’d tell her, in time, it really was easier for The Grandfather to explain.  
Merrill looked up at Garrett questioningly when the tent came into view. “Since I want to introduce you to someone in the fade, Dove, Anders is going to help me do that. This place is safe, just in case.” He said soothingly caressing the back of her hand with his thumb. She just blinked and accepted whatever Garrett had planned, she trusted him completely, naively.

She looked over her shoulder at Anders, “Have I ever mentioned I like your coat?”  
“You do?” Anders replied, dumbfounded at the lightness of the conversation. Garrett and Her were about to engage in a serious act, one that could get them both killed.  
“It’s very lively! Like a crow in the middle of anting!” Merrill said cheerfully, before turning and walking up the path to the tent. Garrett snorted a laugh and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, shaking his head slightly.  
“That’s…that’s great. Thanks, Merrill.” Anders said copying Garrett and shaking his head, watching her suspiciously as she ducked into the tent. He still didn’t trust her, but he trusted Garrett and that would have to be enough.  
Garrett kissed Merrill chastely before guiding her down onto the tent floor. “See you on the other side, Dove.” He said sweetly, pushing the hair from her forehead.  
“Dareth shiral. Be strong Lethallin. See you on the other side.” Merrill said caressing Garrett’s stubbled jaw tenderly as he lay beside her.  
She looked to Anders, “Do not hesitate.” She said, seriousness in her voice.  
Anders nodded and drained a bottle of lyrium, before casting and guiding Merrill into the fade. Garrett smiled up at his friend, his fingers entwining in Merrill’s before closing his eyes.

The dream was the same he had nightly; He was standing in The Grandfathers familiar library. The Grandfathers familiar ethereal form stood next to him, bluish and glowy. There were two ghostly figures on the floor in front of them, rutting. This time he felt a small warm hand creep into his. He looked down and saw Merrill standing next to him. He squeezed her hand in reassurance. He held her hand tightly while The Grandfather performed the customary questions and answers. When the instruction was over he awoke next to Merrill, Anders standing above them, his eyes rimmed blue. He blinked up at his friend before sitting up.

“I’m still me Anders.” He said reassuringly. Merrill was still asleep, her eyes oscillating under her eyelids. Garrett sat next to her, holding her hand in his.  
“How long do you think it will take her?” Anders asked, sitting on his heels next to Garrett, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder.  
Garrett shook his head, “I don’t know. However long it takes for the Grandfather to instruct her, I guess.” He said.  
Anders stood and headed for the tent flap, “Anders.” Garrett called out, lying Merrill’s hand gently on her stomach before standing. He pulled Anders to him in an affectionate embrace and kissed his cheek and temple.  
“Thank you. I can never repay you…but I owe you.” he said squeezing and rocking Anders from side to side. Anders held him tightly; inhaling his scent, nodding into his neck, looking down at Merrill’s sleeping face. He pulled Garrett back with a smile and a pat on the shoulder before ducking out the tent flap. Garrett sat cross legged next to Merrill, taking her torpid hand in his. He prayed to the Maker that she would wake and look into his eyes once again.

Merrill woke after an hour of sleep, her eyes blinking rapidly; she sat up and looked at Garrett, her brow furrowing.  
“By the creators! I was not expecting that!” Merrill said aloud.  
“I umm…” Garrett stuttered nervously. Merrill replied by crawling into his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck tightly, her head resting where Anders had been moments ago.  
“Are you okay?” Garrett asked tenderly, wrapping his arms around her back.  
“It was a lot to take in.” Merrill said bluntly. “I need time Lethallin. What you ask…its life changing.” She whispered into Garrett’s neck. Garrett nodded into her shoulder, squeezing her tighter to him, a lump was forming in his chest, he didn’t know what he would do if she rejected him.  
Anders stood outside the tent listening to the conversation. His heart lurched selfishly at the idea that Garrett might be free of Merrill and he smiled to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lethallin: Casual reference used for someone with whom one is familiar  
> Dareth shiral : Safe Journey
> 
> “Friends in Low Places” - Garth Brooks


	7. "Sweet Dreams"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett takes a nap and wakes up to a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: I know this quest comes later, but i tweaked the timeline a bit because I needed it to go this way….you’ll see. :D

\--

Garret bound up the stairs two at a time, in a hurry to get to Isabella’s room, his staff bouncing on his bottom as he went. He needed Isabella and her wily ways on a mission this morning. He needed to help a kid name Feynriel, a possible abomination and another trip into the fade; she was the most unbiased of all his friends about magic. Tomorrow the expedition to the Deep roads began and he was anxious to get this out of the way. Garret was hoping she was awake when he reached her door and pushed it open, she rarely locked it; Varric and him had eyes here, no one would be able to get close to her door who was not welcome. He didn’t hesitate to walk towards her bed even though she was sound asleep and he could see another shape next to her under the sheet.

“Isaaaa….”He whispered softly. He knew better than to sneak up on her, he’d end up with a dagger stuck in his liver. He crawled over the stranger unceremoniously. The lump under the sheets gave out a manly, ooomf, and pulled the covers off his head, as Garrett straddled his body for a moment.  
“Morning!” Garrett said with a friendly smile on his face as he looked down at the stranger, straddling him. Hmm, handsome guy! Not as pretty as his Dove though. Garrett thought to himself idly.

“Excuse me!” the man said incredulously trying to push off Garrett to no avail. Garrett snorted and crawled over him his attentions already on Isabella.  
“Isabellllllllaaaa….” Garrett cooed as he wrapped his arms around her waist, laying his head on her belly. Isabella stretched and groaned.  
“Hawke, what time is it?” she asked sleepily without opening her eyes. He nuzzled his way up her sheet covered torso till his head nestled between her ample breasts.  
“Early Isa. Sorry.” Garrett said softly his face burrowing in her sheet covered cleavage.

“Excuse me!” the man next to them exclaimed.  
Isabella’s head turned at the voice and she blinked over at him briefly, “You’re excused.” She said dismissively. Garrett chuckled and pushed the man’s hip with his boot covered foot till he got up out of the bed; gathering his clothing from the floor. Garrett sighed in contentment, caressing his cheek against Isabella’s sleep warmed breasts, stretched his legs out where the stranger was just laying. Isabella’s hands ran through Garrett’s hair idly as they heard the door to Isabella’s room open and close leaving them alone. He could fall asleep like this, had before, but his mission was on his mind and he knew he couldn’t complete it without Isabella.

“You have the most perfect breasts, Isa, I ever tell you that?” Garrett mumbled between her breasts; it was a half lie she had fantastic breasts but Merrill’s were perfect and fit in his hands just right. Isabella tugged at his hair pulling his head up out from her cleavage, rewarding her with a moan from Garrett. She had made him moan like that before, she recalled pleasantly. 

They were curious with each other, had a few nights of lewd fun and then went back to being friends.  
“Once or twice. What do you want Hawke?” She asked suspiciously looking down at him.  
“Mmmmmm. I need you to take a nap with me.” Garrett mumbled sleepily,a stupid grin on his face.. “And Mer, Varric and Anders will nap with us. It will be a great big cuddle!” Garrett said playfully.  
“A mission…for napping?” Isabella said, pushing Garrett’s head back onto her breasts, running her hands through his jet black hair soothingly.  
Garrett rubbed his face down into her cleavage again, with a content sigh he answered, “mmmhmm. To the fade.”

Isabella laughed loudly, making Garrett’s head bounce. “Aye? Into the fade! How lovely! I have a few exe’s I have to speak to!” She said, pushing Garrett off roughly and standing naked. Garrett rolled on his back, tucking his hands behind his head, and watched her get dressed; comparing her body to Merrill’s unintentionally. She looked at him over her shoulder as she put on her tall pirate boots first, gloriously naked and bent over.  
She raised an eyebrow at him, “Enjoying the view?”

“Mmmhmm” Garrett replied, winking. Isabella turned and strutted over to the bed seductively. Garrett just watched keeping his hands tucked behind his head. She crawled up the bed and straddled his lap and began grinding against him and purring for a few moments. She suddenly stopped and smacked his chest with a tsk. “You’re no fun!” Isabella barked crawling off him. She was mad at his lack of arousal.  
“My heart belongs to Mer, Isa.” Garrett said pleadingly, “Though if you’d catch me in the morning, then…” he said under his breath.  
“Your cock too, apparently!” Isabella said petulantly, pulling her smalls up her thick thighs.  
“Isssssaaaaaaa…” Garrett cooed, climbing off the bed and coming to stand behind Isabella, wrapping his arms around her naked waist. “Don’t be mad at me, Isa. You know I love you, just not in that way, Isa.” He said rocking her from side to side, his chin resting on her shoulder.  
“So you’re interested in her?” Isabella said, leaning back into Garrett’s embrace.  
Garrett nodded into her shoulder, running his nails across her firm stomach, “I have feelings for her. I love her, Isa.”

“Well, that’s good. She always seemed a little lonely.” Isabella said and stepped out of Garrett’s embrace. “I get the feeling the girl’s messing in something big and dangerous. Look out for her, will you? Make sure she doesn’t hurt herself.” She stated, wrapping her corset around her bare breasts. Garrett stepped behind her once again and started pulling on the laces, tightening it for her. “Oh and Garrett, if you do anything nasty to her, I’ll cut off your balls!” Isabella said, reaching around and grasping Garrett’s balls tightly in her fist, to prove her point.  
Garrett let out a breath of pain, wincing, “If I ever do anything nasty, or hurt her, I promise to hand you the knife, Isa..”

\--

He had helped Feynriel before; his mother had come to him and Merrill one evening begging for help. Her son was a fade walker, a Dreamer and was sent by him to the Dalish, rather than Kirkwalls circle, for training to control his abilities. He and his crew were called on again to seek out the errant half elf child, this time in the fade. He had chosen to take Anders, Merrill and Isabella with him on this journey. Marethari sent them into the fade, hoping for the best but expecting the worst.

It had been a disaster from the very start. Anders became Justice; Isabella fell to a demon offering her a ship and crew. Merrill, his sweet dove, had turned on him. The demon knew her weakness and offered her power enough to become savior of the Dalish. She attacked him fiercely, as if he were a stranger, or worse an enemy. He was unable to attack her, tried to immobilize her best he could without hurting her, Justice had to take her down and it broke Garrett’s heart to watch. He happily killed the demons; he wasn’t tempted by what they had to offer, he already had Merrill, and freed Feynriel. He would make arrangements for Feynriel to go to Tevinter to study his magic; Garrett felt his gifts were too rare not to develop. When he woke from the fade, Merrill and Anders were gone. He hugged Isabella as she apologized, but he barely heard her words, he needed to get to Merrill, make sure she was okay.

Merrill was sitting on her bed, her arms wrapped around her knees, her head down “I…I can’t believe I turned on you… with the demon…in the Fade…I’m so sorry. Ma serannas.” She had tears streaming down her face and her apology came out sorrowfully. “I’ll understand if you can’t forgive me.”  
Garrett crouched down in front of her, pulling her chin up to look her in the eyes. “You didn’t betray me, the demon made you do it, Dove.” Garrett said reassuringly. Merrill unclasped her knees, slipping her arms around his neck, embracing him tightly.  
“I should have recognized I was being manipulated.” Merrill said squeakily, her head buried in his shoulder. Garrett sat back on the floor, pulling her into his lap and rubbed her back reassuringly, while she clung to him.

”I’ve been so careful in all my dealings with spirits until now. To make such an obvious mistake…” Merrill said guiltily. “It frightens me. It takes so little for a mage to fall.” She sniffled and took a deep breath, “I can never let that happen again.”  
She started to pull away from Garrett but he tightened his embrace, trying to console her. “No please lethallin. I c-can’t tell you…I need to let go.” He let her pull away. “Let me go. Please.” He stood when she did and became nervous as she began pacing her tiny bedroom. 

“Mer…What is it?” Garrett asked, concerned.  
“You’ve shown me what I could have…what we could have.” Merrill sighed loudly, “It is a nice picture. It is so far from what I have.” She crossed her arms across her chest, “The promises you offer are not unlike what the demons offer. “  
Garrett’s jaw dropped, “What are you saying?” He stood and faced Merrill, his back to the doorway.

Merrill replied nervously, “I just…I’m one of the elvhen. I’m supposed to preserve who we are, and if I…There are reasons that it’s bad to…is it warm in here? Elgar’nan, I can’t give you the life you want.” She rapidly said, her words a blur.  
“If you were Dalish, my people would have a kingdom by now. And half of Thedas would be attacking us. So maybe things worked out for the best.” Merrill rambled, pacing the room nervously.

Garrett raised his eyebrows, “Does it bother you that I’m human?”  
“No! I’m not saying I’d change you for…I’m making things worse, aren’t I?” she sighed and added fidgeting with her fingers to pacing. “The Keeper…my whole clan…will object if we…not that they can possibly hate me anymore, I suppose, but I have to keep to the path I have chosen.” Merrill gestured with her hands, “I can’t be with you, and I can’t give you what you want!”  
“I don’t care what they think of us. I only care about you. Don’t do this Mer, let me look after you.” Garrett pleaded, his eyes following her as she paced, his heart raced.  
“I don’t need you, or Marethari, or anyone else to look after me!” Merrill raised her voice and made Garrett take a step back towards the doorway warily; he’d never seen this kind of hostility and agitation from her before. “I’ve given up everything to rebuild my people’s past. I will not choose you over them…I can’t”

Garrett gestured helplessly, “I never asked you to give anything up! Mer I…”  
Merrill stopped pacing and stood across the room from Garrett and looked at him, interrupting him, “I need you to leave, Hawke.” She said Hawke as if it were a curse word. “Get out of my house. I never want to see you again!” She pointed at the doorway behind him, her chest heaving angrily.

Garrett asks through clenched teeth, the muscles in his jaw flexing, “Is that what you really want? You want me to leave you alone?” It was easier to be angry than hurt.  
Merrill turned her back on Garrett, arms crossed over her chest. “Why is it everyone questions what I want when I’ve just said it?” She yelled the animosity clear in her tone.

Garrett felt his chest clench, how did he let this, them, go so wrong. He nodded angrily, even though she couldn’t see him. As he turned to walk out of her house he dug into his pocket and pulled out the key she had given him. He rubbed the silver covered thing with his thumb sadly; to him it represented her trust, and set it on her table.

Merrill crumpled to the floor moments after he left, the key still warm from Garrett’s pocket, after finding it on the table. Lamenting her loss she cried out, tears streaming from her green eyes, “Ar lath ma, vhenan. Ir abelas”, but no one was there to hear her; she made her choice and was now alone.

Garrett had ended up in Darktown, a dejected mess. He stumbled into Ander’s clinic not knowing where else to go, the rim of his eyes red and swollen. Anders had comforted his friend while he listened to what Garrett had to say; put him in his bed and kindly gave him a potion to sleep a dreamless sleep. Anders curled around Garrets back and held him while he slept, falling for the unattainable man even further.

\--

Garrett had the whole crew with him, even his mother and uncle Gamlen, as they walked to Hightown where the expedition to the deep roads gathered. He couldn’t take them all; Bartrand was only allowing him to take two. He had decided despite his mother’s plea to take Carver, as well as Anders. He wanted to take Merrill, but the thought of her down there in the dark for weeks scared him beyond reason, he couldn’t do it, he needed her to be safe; despite her recent rejection.

“Hawke?” Merrill called out to Garrett from behind him, her voice rough; as they were approaching the expeditions gathering. “A word? Please.” Garrett didn’t turn around but stopped walking, his stomach twisted. Anders raised an eyebrow at him, hauling his large bag up on his feathered shoulder; asking without words if he wanted him to stay. Garrett shook his head and Anders shrugged while walking away.

“Back at my house…I should never have said—“Merrill stood in front of Garrett not making eye contact, her red rimmed eyes roamed everywhere else. “I should never have said I never wanted to see you again. I didn’t mean it” Merrill said quickly.  
Garrett smiled down at her, “People say a lot of things when they’re angry. I knew you didn’t mean it.” His heart raced with hope.

Merrill fidgeted with her fingers nervously, “I still can’t give you what you want…but I…” she said looking down at her feet. “I wanted to wish you luck, be safe Hawke an..”  
“I won’t abandon you…” Garrett interrupted. “…Never again. Don’t you dare ask me to again.” Garrett said, hurt and determination driving his words. “We will talk, Merrill. When I return.” His voice was commanding and threatening, he never talked to her like this before and it made her flinch.

Merrill looked up into his face, anger moving across her soft features, “Maybe I want you to abandon me. Did you consider that?” She grabbed his arms tightly, shaking him slightly, “If you stick with me, you and everyone you love will be in danger” she said raising her voice, pleading with him to understand. “Do you understand? I…I can’t bear it if anything happens to you because of me!” She dropped her arms to her sides in defeat.  
“It will be alright, Merrill.” Garrett said softly, raising his arms to pull her into an embrace, she stepped back.

Merrill shook her head, turned her body around and walked towards the group, “No it won’t.” she whispered under her breath, but Garrett heard.  
“Dareth shiral, Hawke” Merrill called over her shoulder.

Garrett turned and walked away, he needed a minute to breathe. He rounded the nearest corner of a grungy stone building, dropped his bag and staff to the ground and sat against the wall. It smelled bad here, like old piss and just old, he noticed but didn’t really care. He raised his knees to his chest and thumped the back of his head against the stone wall behind him, squeezing his eyes shut. His mind was reeling with the desire to stay here and forget the Deep Roads. He knew everyone would be angry with him, especially Carver; he didn't really care. Merrill needed to understand what she meant to him and felt he didn’t have a chance to explain himself before everything unraveled. He could die down there, it was a strong possibility he knew, and Merrill would never know. His head was starting to ache from thumping it against the stone so he rested his forehead on his knees. If he died down there without an heir for The Grandfather he wondered what would happen, who he would go to. He remembered his father’s words from so long ago and wished he was here now to help him figure out what to do.

__

Garrett was turning fourteen in a few days and was feeling grown up as he followed his father around the woods gathering herbs and other plants. He was plucking the flower off of a thistle when he felt a sharp sting on his finger, a bee stung him.

__

_“Ouch!” Garrett shouted, dropping the thistle flower to the ground and squeezing his pained finger._  
_“What’s wrong son?” Malcolm called out walking hurriedly to his son._  
_“Bee.” Garrett said, scrunching up his nose and raising his finger up to his father; it glowed blue as he healed himself.  
_ _Malcolm sighed and squinted at the wounded appendage “Buggers! We need a break anyway, hungry? Let’s sit and have lunch.” Malcolm said while he watched his son heal himself._

_Malcolm and Garrett munched on apples and bread under the canopy of the forest. Garrett sat with his legs crossed; his black hair was messy, tousled by the afternoon breeze. He had a smudge of mud on his jaw and a tear on the knee of his breeches. Malcolm smiled wistfully at his son; he was growing too fast and would have children of his own soon enough._

_“How’s your finger, son?” Malcolm asked._  
_“s’fine.” Garrett replied through a mouth full of apple._  
_Malcolm nodded, “You know, it’s ironic that a bee stung you today of all days. I brought you out here for a reason, son. We got to talk about the birds and the bees.” Malcolm leaned and said birds and bees as if he were telling a scary story.  
_ _Garrett swallowed nervously and his eyes got wide, “Ah Papa! I know where babies come from!” he moaned._

__

_“Do you now?” Malcolm laughed,” We’ll I have a little more I need to tell you about that, but it can wait for another time i think. I do have something else to talk to you about though” The Grandfather had came to Malcolm in his dreams for the past week, telling him it was time for Garrett to make his choice, time to take his son into the fade to meet him and bind with him._

_“Son, we are a little different than the rest, you and I. We have a connection to…I call him The Grandfather, so let’s call him that so things are less confusing. Hmmm?” Malcolm said to his son who nodded in agreement. “So. The Grandfather lives in the Fade. He has been with me since before I was born, and he has been with you before you were born too, though you have yet to meet him.” Malcolm gestured with his hands.  
_ _“When I was around your age, my father introduced him to me without explanation. I do not want to do that to you, I want you to understand that you have a choice, you ALWAYS have a choice, son. I want you to have no pressure put upon you to make a choice you don’t want, okay? This is a decision you must make and live with, as will your child after you.” Malcolm says seriously._

__

_“What happens if I don’t have a child Papa? What happens to The Grandfather? Does he die?” Garrett asks.  
_ _“Bloodlines are bloodlines, no matter how watered down they are. The Grandfather will find a host no matter; he is ancient and will not die so easily. He wants you, because you are the strongest in our bloodline. He is so excited to meet you and wants to teach you, as he has me.” Malcolm said excitedly._

__

_Garrett’s mouth falls open, “H-he wants to teach me?” Malcolm nods at his son with enthusiasm.  
_ _“Yes, he does. He’s proud of you already, as your mother and I are. You have a gift son; your magic is strong and beautiful.” Malcolm crawls over to his son and tucks a stray strand of hair behind his ear. “This is why we call him The Grandfather. He is a spirit of Vitality, and revels in our success like families do.” Malcolm says a prideful smile on his face._

_Garrett knits his eyebrows together, “Oh. He’s not a demon though?”  
_ _“He is very different than a demon, as we are very different from a blood mage, you must always remember that son. The Grandfather actually protects us from the strongest of demons when we dream; we still have to be vigilant though, his protection can only reach so far. The Chantry and everyone else will have you believe we are abominations and I tell you now, we are not.” Malcolm says firmly, “I have a trusted friend coming in a couple days, before your nameday. He is going to help you and I enter the Fade together where you can meet The Grandfather.”_

__

_Malcolm stands and begins gathering his things, the sun is beginning to fall and he wanted to get home before dark.  
_ _“Dad?” Garrett calls, gathering his nearly full herb pouch and slings it over his shoulder. Malcolm responds with a hmmm, “You trust The Grandfather? You’re not afraid to become possessed?”_

_Malcolm wraps his arm around Garrett’s shoulder, “I do trust him. As my father did, his father before him and so on. He does not want to possess, has no desire for it because if he were to possess us, his life would be only one lifetime. He lives because we live, he thrives when we thrive and your successes become his. He wants to continue existing through us, through generations. Understand? You have a choice son. The Grandfather will show you what he offers and I will support you no matter the choice you make.”_

_Garrett wraps his arm around Malcolm’s waist, “Will he make my magic strong?”  
_ _“He will teach you many things if you chose to bind with him, magical and beyond. Always remember, my son. Your magic will serve that which is best in you, not that which is most base.” Malcolm squeezes Garrett’s shoulder in reassurance as he speaks and they begin to walk home._

“Hey.” Anders said softly, looking down at Garrett.  
“Hey.” Garrett replied, his word muffled by his body.  
Anders dropped his bag and staff next to Garrett’s, sitting shoulder to shoulder next to him. Garrett rested his cheek on his knees and sighed deeply, looking into Anders eyes. Anders rubbed Garrett’s back in soothing circles.  
Concern heavy in his voice Anders asked, “You okay? What’s going on?”  
“I want to…I don’t want to go to the Deep Roads.” Garrett sputtered.  
Anders put his hand over his heart and acted startled, “Oh thank the Maker! Is that all? No one WANTS to go into the Deep Roads, especially me.” He laughed heartily, “I heard there are darkspawn down there.”  
Garrett rolled his eyes and tsked at Anders, “No shit? I thought it was covered in flowers and rainbows down there!”  
Anders laughed and stood, Garrett’s eyes following him, “Common we got to go, the expedition is waiting for you.” Anders held his hand out to Garrett. Garrett accepted the hand and with a groan he rose to his feet, gathered his things and off they went to join the awaiting expedition, his heart filled with dread.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
> Ar lath ma, vhenan: I love you, my heart  
> Ir abelas: I am sorry.  
> Dareth shiral: Safe journey
> 
> “Sweet Dreams” - Marilyn Manson


	8. "Rolling in the Deep"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long chapter where we enter the Deep Roads, which is deep….like Garrett’s emotions.

\--

It had taken the expedition two and half weeks to travel to the entrance of the thaig Bartrand vowed would make them all rich. The expedition needed a break and Bartrand had decided to stop and spend a couple days in a relatively safe place, to prevent a revolt. Garrett gained a stronger rapport with Varric and Anders as they traveled, especially Anders. His brother, no matter how hard Garrett tried to get him to travel with the three, had stayed away from him, travelling with Bartrand's laborers instead.

Garrett missed the surface, and Merrill, with a longing he had never known. He read books, mostly on Dalish customs to pass time and to help ease his heavy mind before sleeping. Time was nonexistent down in the deep roads, no sun and moon to guide them. Each night The Grandfather would torment his dreams with the usual ritual and each morning he would wake his cock achingly hard, craving Merrill. The privacy traveling with the expedition was nonexistent, so most days he had to just tuck it away and suffer with it.

They could not stray far from camp, or each other, Bartrand had assigned them expedition partners. Anders was his and took the appointment seriously, rarely leaving his side, which Garrett didn’t mind so much, except for the fact he never got the time to relieve himself. On one occasion Garrett was reminiscing with Anders about Fereldan, when they had realized that they were literally a stone’s throw from each other, at one point in their lives. Garrett’s chest had tightened at the sad look Anders gave him at the discovery. He knew what Anders was feeling, the what if’s plagued his own mind at the idea of what they could have been, if they were fated to meet then. What Anders’s life would have been if he would of met him during one of his many escapes from the circle. His mind would always go back to Merrill and the life he wanted with her though, pulling his treacherous thoughts away from Anders.

During the break Bodahn and Sandal had set up casks of ale around the largest of the campfires, drawing most of the dwarves to it. Several boisterous games of Wicked Grace were being played; stories were being told, but the thing that caught Garrett’s eye was a Dwarf sitting by the rowdy campfire getting a tattoo of an ogre. The tattoo had made him think of Merrill’s Vallaslin and it made his stomach clench at the pain she must have endured silently; even the dwarf hollered every now and again. Garrett needed Merrill, whether she rejected him or not, and he couldn’t think of a better way than to get her Vallaslin put on him. He would be able to look down and see a part of her, to touch her whenever he wanted, allowing him to be close to her.  
Garrett winced loudly; the dwarves around the camp laughed and raised their mugs, shouting obscenities at him. “Anders, fill me up please.” Garrett pleaded between clenched teeth.  
The sight of Garrett shirtless made Anders hands shake as he poured ale into the mug, Garrett's skin had a sheen of sweat, the reflection of the fire danced across his skin. He was imagining himself filling Garrett up with his cock and wondered if he would clench his teeth like that for him.  
“Let me heal you, Garrett.” Anders crouched next to Garrett and looked up into his pained face, resting a hand on his knee. Garrett smacked Ander’s hand off his knee, spilling his mug of ale down his lap; he could feel the healing magic coming from his hand.  
“I said no, Anders!” he said, laughter in his voice at the petulant pout on Anders face, “besides, It’s nearly complete.” He looked down at the dwarf that was poking him with inked needles. Nearly all the curves of the intricate pattern on the left side of his chest had been tattooed in black ink. The pattern matched Merrill’s Vallaslin for Falon’Din, his favorite part was the little wisps under his nipple matching the ones on her chin. 

“Aye! Nee’ a break?” the heavily tattooed dwarf asked Garrett, a stick with a needle in one hand, pot of ink in the other and another needle stick clenched in his teeth.  
Garrett shook his head, “No, please continue.” Anders tsked and stood, placing his hands on his hips. Garrett drank down what was left in his mug, ale dripping down his chin sloppily, he burped rudely making the dwarves near him cheer and raise their mugs. Garrett winced as the dwarf continued poking him with ink and needle; he lifted his empty mug up to Anders with an overly sweet and toothy smile, batting his eyelashes. Anders refilled his mug devotedly with a short laugh.

When the tattoo was finished Garrett stumbled over to the fire, joining the dwarves for more mugs of ale, war stories and show of tattoos from everyone. Garrett laughed in hysterics at one dwarf who whipped out his massive cock to show a tattoo of a nug down the length of it. Anders stayed close watching him cautiously and when he almost fell into the fire with his drunken stumbling he led him to their shared tent, an arm around his bare waist for support.  
Anders stumbled and nearly dropped Garrett entering the tent while trying to light a lantern with his free hand. Garrett fell to his back comically like a turtle flipped on his back, making Anders laugh in loud bellows, tears from laughter falling down his face. He could hear the dwarves echo his laughter in reply to theirs. Anders fell over next to Garrett continuing to laugh hysterically making Garrett laugh until he pissed his pants, then they looked at each other aghast, making them go into another bout of laughter. They quieted down after some time and Anders got up to help a snoring Garrett with is pants, their tent was starting to stink of piss and ale, making him miss The Hanged Man.

Anders covered Garrett with a blanket before reaching under and pulling his breeches and smalls from him. He rolled the soiled clothing into a ball and set them outside the tent, to be taken care of in the morning, before reentering the tent and healing his drunk friend; soothing his future hangover. Anders ran his fingers over the freshly made tattoo on Garrett’s chest, healing it tenderly. He placed his lips reverently on the tattoo, kissing it, before he rolled over, extinguishing the lantern with a wave of his hand and went to sleep with a sigh.

Garrett woke hours later, overly warm, despite being naked and pressed against a body, his leg draped over two clothed legs. He squeezed the body instinctively, thrusting his impressive hardness against them. His mind filled with the images of the ritual driving him to rut. He rubbed his face on their chest sleepily; rousing the still body from sleep that he was draped over. An arm caressed his and he moaned softly at the contact. His hand explored the clothed, overly warm body, until he felt a hardness that rivaled his own.  
Garrett sat up quickly, staring at the shadow beside him; he cast a small spark of fire in his hand to light the tent, “Shit! Anders….I…did we?” He stammered, his voice rough, looking down at his naked body then back at Anders.  
Anders shook his head and replied sleepily, “No.”; he crossed his hands behind his neck, watching Garrett’s face closely. “I could never take advantage of you…no matter how tempting.” Anders bit his bottom lip brazenly, his eyes grazing down Garrett’s body. Garrett watched Anders eyes grow wide and dark the lower he looked, it made his cock twitch; and Anders mouth fell open, his eyes went wide at the sight.  
Garrett’s eyes were drawn to the notable tent in Anders breeches, swallowing hard he asked with a gravelly voice, “Why am I naked?”  
Anders sat up, crossed his legs mirroring Garrett’s pose, pulling up his robe mid thigh. He leaned forward close to Garrett, as if he were going to tell Garrett a secret, or kiss him, “Because you pissed your pants.”

“Oh…” Garrett said sheepishly letting the flame in his hand die out. “I don’t’…I’m sorry?” Garrett whispered in the dark, embarrassed. He could feel his face flush hotly.  
Anders whispered back, “What for? “ He caressed Garrett up and down his arm with his fingertips. He could feel the goosebumps rise on his skin as he went; it made him smirk arrogantly to himself. He boldly ran his fingers over Garrett’s chest, dragging his nails over his nipples.

Garrett breathed heavily, “Anders…” his mind raced at what was happening. Anders was touching him and his body didn’t want him to stop, his heart was racing, his cock was throbbing with his heartbeat and his mind was still fuzzy from all the ale. He took Anders skillful hands in his and kissed his palms.  
Garrett whispered, massaging Anders hands in both of his, “I don’t…I...”  
Anders was on his knees before Garrett could blink. “I do…let me help you Garrett.” He whispered into Garrett’s ear, his hands running up and down Garrett’s arm again, his tongue tracing the rim of Garrett’s ear.  
Garrett groaned and thrust his hips forward instinctively trying to find friction, “My heart…is full of her…It's not, I can’t” he pleaded, trying to pull away.  
Anders pulled back, sitting on his heels and took Garrett’s face in both hands, his thumbs caressing his stubble cheeks, “I’m not asking for your heart”; he whispered the lie to Garrett.

“Please…”Anders pleaded desperately, his mouth pecking Garrett’s, “let me help you…”he breathed heavily, his hand running down Garrett’s chest, abdomen and curving around his cock.  
Garrett’s resolve broke at his touch. He claimed Anders mouth in a hungry kiss, licking and biting his lips before pushing his tongue into his mouth and sucking the breath from him. Anders stroked him expertly while his mouth was ravished. Garrett growled into Anders mouth, as he came into his hand after only a few pumps of Anders’s fist.  
Garrett fell back, his breath ragged, heart hammering in his chest and his cock still half hard. Anders lay on his side next to him, head propped on his hand. He felt Garrett’s chest rise and fall heatedly when he laid his hand tenderly on top of his tattoo, his fingers tracing the pattern. Anders’s pulled his hand away relaxing in palm up on his hip and cast a tiny flame to light the tent; his breath hitched at the sight of Garrett, he was beautiful.  
Garrett swung his eyes to Anders and he reached out to him caressing his face with his thumb. He whispered, “You’re so beautiful, you deserve so much, Anders.”  
Anders sat up, dropping the flame spell from his hand and pulled his shirt over his head, “I always get what I deserve…” he said haughtily. Garrett hummed and Anders swung his leg over Garrett’s, straddling his thighs.

Anders’s lips brushed over Garrett’s, “I will go as far as you want me to.” he whispered into his lips seductively. “Tell me what you want Garrett…tell me what you need.”  
Garrett answered by digging his hands into Anders hips, grinding their hips together roughly, “Just hands…” he panted onto Anders wet lips before licking into his mouth. Garrett growled Anders could feel it in his chest; they were pressed so closely together, making him moan lustfully and grind down hard pressing their cocks together. Anders reached between them, his hands surrounding both their cocks, and cast an oil spell slicking up their cocks and bellies. Garrett stroked and kneaded his hands into Anders ass as they rocked into Anders slick hand; their thrusts becoming frantic. They came one after the other, hands and mouths on each other greedily.

Anders slid off Garrett, after their breaths steadied, to his side. He rested his head on his tattoo and ran fingers across his chest, tracing random patterns. Garrett twiddled his fingers through Anders hair as he held him.  
“Anders…” Garrett began speaking. “You are amazing Anders, I just want you to know tha..”  
“When I was in the Circle, love was only a game. It gave the templar’s too much power if there was something you couldn’t stand to lose.”Anders said interrupting Garrett, “No mage I know has ever dared to fall in love. We learn early to take our pleasures where we may and move on. I am no threat to her, Garrett.” Anders explained, wishing it could be more but knowing it never would.  
“Want a sandwich?” Garrett asks rubbing his knuckles up and down Anders back.  
“You will be an inspiration to generations of romantic poets.” Anders snorted, pulled his robe back over his head and left the tent to find some food for Garrett.

Garrett sighed and scrubbed his face with both hands, they still smelt of him and Anders. Guilt crashed into him, the buzz from alcohol and sex fading. Maker! What the hell did I just do, he scolded himself as he rummaged around his bag for a clean pair of smalls and trousers not bothering with a tunic. He used his magic to fill a bucket with ice then cast fire to melt it, making water. He put a fire rune on the bottom to make the water hot and steamy as he got a rag, bar of soap and cleaned the evidence of what he and Anders did off his belly and chest first, before washing the rest of himself. He dunked his head in the bucket washing the sweat off his head. He dressed quickly, letting the droplets of water fall from his soaked head down his back. He was too hot, the tent was too hot, the deep roads were too hot. Stupid lava pits everywhere, he thought to himself petulantly.  
Garrett took the bucket and exited the tent. The smell of piss and stale beer hit his nose and he snorted in disgust, looking down where the smell was coming from he snagged his soiled clothes and plunged them into the bucket. He stalked off to the side of the tent, angry with himself, scrubbed his soiled clothes with an unnecessary roughness making his hands feel raw. He shook the clothes out and left them on a rock to dry, once he was sure the piss smell was gone. He emptied the bucket, filled it with ice then fire to make water and sloshed it out before dumping it over the piss water he washed his trousers in. He stalked back into the tent and lit the lantern, placing the bucket by it, so Anders would see. He used his magic to refill the bucket full of water and left a fire rune in it so it would be steamy hot for Anders to use. It smelt like sex, piss and stale ale in the tent so he dropped a few pieces of dried elfroot into the steaming water, hoping it would help with the odor. He stalked back out the tent and skirted around the back of camp before Anders could see him.

He knew he was being cowardly but he didn’t want to face Ander’s right now, he messed up and he knew it. They didn’t have sex, but he still had heavy guilt telling him he did wrong and he was not used to those kinds of feelings. He’d been with many people and never felt this before; he just needed to clear his head. Garrett clambered up a rock on the outskirts of camp and watched as the campfires flickered against the tents. He locked his hands around his raised knees, resting his chin on his knees as he thought about what just happened; he blew out all the air in his lungs in a frustrated huff.

It was a really hot experience, he’d enjoyed it, and Anders enjoyed it, he needed Anders to teach him that oil trick. His body needed that release for days and could tell now how bad it had him wound up; his body was actually relaxed for a change. Now if only he could get his mind to relax too. He stretched his legs out and lay back on the hard rock, it dug into his skin but he relished the pain, it helped him to focus on now. He stared up at the expanse of uninteresting rock, his fingers traced the outline of his new tattoo; this was why he was feeling so much guilt.

“What are you doing to me, hmmmm?” he whispered into the deep roads, not expecting an answer. He was thinking of how much Merrill changed him, mostly for the good. He was never so possessive before her, that was the only thing he would change, or would he really? She had bewitched him from the start, it seemed fated that way. Her eyes enchanted him with their tones of green that reminded him of home. The softness of her voice and smile beguiled him, making him smile at just the thought of it. Her lithe body allured him, wanting to touch any part of her she allowed, constantly wanting to take her, to fill her belly with his child. His palm rubbed at the tattoo on his chest and he closed his eyes, his mind bringing memories of her beautiful face, lit in sunshine.  
He scrubbed his hands over his face and through his hair, with frustration, sitting up. He punched the air a few times; it didn’t help, and scanned over the camp with his eyes. Anders was standing stiffly by the nearest campfire, arms crossed over his chest. He’s angry, Fuck! Garrett thought, hopping down from the rock with ease. His bare feet made echoing slapping sounds, as he walked towards Anders.

“Seriously?” Anders gestured, annoyed, towards Garrett.  
Garrett just ran his hands through his hair, pulling some, and shook his head, stopping right in front of Anders. “Just needed a minute to think...” He shrugged.  
Anders flattened the hair on Garrett’s head, with a tsk, it was sticking up in the oddest places.  
“What’s there to think about, hmm?” Anders asks softly, his hands sliding from his head to his cheeks and jaw.  
Anders could see the shine come to Garrett’s eyes, he wanted to pull him in and kiss the unshed tears away. He wanted to love this man, but knew he never would have the chance.  
“Mer…” Garrett said, his voice cracking, “I feel…like I’ve betrayed her…” Garrett whispered, his voice full of emotion, his eyes searching Anders.  
Anders tsked and held Garrett’s hands, squeezing them reassuringly, “What we did was not wrong Garrett. She told you she couldn’t be with you, essentially broke up with you. We didn’t even have sex, technically.” Garrett shook his head and a tear fell as he looked down at their joined hands.

Garrett squeezed Anders hands before letting them drop, “It doesn’t feel that way…” he said walking past Anders back to their tent, feet flopping on the overly warm stone. He rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his hands, pressing until he saw red and cleared his throat as he went. His chest ached and he rubbed it, ducking into the tent, tumbling onto his bedroll and covering his red eyes with his forearm.  
The tent smelled better, thankfully covering his shame. Garrett heard rustling as Anders came in and fiddled with things. He felt Anders fingertips graze his abs gently and he engulfed his hand in his own, squeezing softly.  
“Sit up, I made you a sandwich.” Anders said, tugging gently on Garrett’s hand. Garrett sat up and gave Anders a big, sad puppy eyed, toothy smile as he was presented with a glorious sandwich. “It’s roast nug, your favorite.” Anders smiled and shook his head at Garrett’s expression.

Garrett took huge bites, making suggestive noises as he chewed with his eyes closed. Anders sat crossed legged and pushed his cock down as it was hardening at the sounds Garrett was making, unintentionally he was sure. Anders handed him a mug of iced cold water and Garrett drank greedily, slurping in appreciation.  
“Okay. So.” Anders stated, “I understand. You love Merrill, want to have babies with her, she is the Sun to your moon, all that sugary-sweet nonsense, I get it Garrett.” Anders placed his hands together and chopped them at Garrett at each word. “So this is what has to happen. I won’t touch you; sexually that is, you won’t touch me. You belong to her body and soul.” Anders rolls his eyes in exasperation at his last statement.  
Garrett listens and watches, stuffing the last of the sandwich in his mouth greedily, nodding when he thinks he should.  
Anders leans forward towards Garrett, if he leaned down too, their lips would meet, “You have to take care of yourself.” His eyes fell to Garrett’s crotch and he raised his eyebrows nodding towards it.  
“What? I do, it’s hard down here!” Garrett complains.  
Anders pinches his fingers over the bridge of his nose, sighing at the pun Garrett missed, “Your cock was purple Garrett. Purple!” He shouts and raises his arms up to emphasize his point. “I really did only want to help you, not that I didn’t want you, or enjoy myself…but as a healer I’ve seen some horrors” Anders rambles.

Garrett looks down at his crotch as if it was on fire, “What? Really?” he fumbled with the laces of his breeches and pulled back his smalls to look at his cock. The head was more purplish than normal, but everything else looked normal. “Dreams have me hard every morning. Not like I can help it! No privacy, not a corner without a dwarf in it down here!” Garret whines.  
“Right. So. This is what we are going to do Garrett, for your health…and my fun.” Anders scoots back onto his bedroll facing Garrett he pulls up his robes around his hips, his cock hard and pointing up. “I sit here, you sit there. We look. We don’t touch.” Ander’s strokes himself and leans his head to the side, watching Garrett.

Garrett stares at Anders hand as it becomes instantly slick as he casts his oil spell, the man was really well endowed. He could easily match his length, but Garrett was thicker, his head was bulbous and Anders was sleek. Garrett looks up to Anders face, “You are so beautiful Anders…” he breathes. “You deserve more…so much more than this.” He gestures between them with one hand; his other grasps his hardening cock through his smalls.  
“This place is…bad…for the both of us. Let’s just do what we can to help each other hmm?” Anders pleads, offering his free hand to Garrett, slicking it with oil.  
Garrett kneels and rubs his hand over Anders, “You going to teach me that trick?” he stays on his knees and pulls out his fully erect cock and strokes it with Anders’s oil, his jaw going slack at the sensation.  
Anders barks out a laugh, his eyes watching Garrett, his hand moving to match the same rhythm, “For you. Anything.” He says, and means it. “Tell me about your dreams Garrett.”  
Garrett growls, thrusting lazily into his hand as he watches Anders follow his movements, “I…we, Merrill and I. mmmm…I watch a fade version of us fucking. I push into her……then I…”  
Garrett explains the ritual to Anders thoroughly, after a few tries. He begins to realize that this is actually helping him to talk to someone about his needs, the demand that is being asked of him. Anders began calling them his therapy sessions, jokingly; but for Garrett it was accurate.

\--

Garrett covers his eyes with his hands, the brightness of sunlight making them ache. He stumbled to the side of the entrance of the deeproads and fell to his knees in the grass. He rubbed his hands in it, blissful at the smell and color of it being green, like Merrill’s eyes. He falls softly onto his belly and outstretched his arms gripping green grass in his fists. He wanted to cry, he never thought he’d see another blade of grass again, but he didn’t have the energy to let loose the tears. His body was weak from lack of nutrition and constant battle, his mana in a perpetual state of depletion for weeks, and his heart ached for his brother Carver. His companions were in worse shape; Anders fell to his back on his side, taking his hand weekly in his. They looked at each other, with weak smiles on their faces, Anders had dark shadows under his eyes, making them look sunk in and skeletal, his lips were cracked and he was far too pale. Varric fell between them, the back of his head resting on their joined hands.  
“I love you guys.” Varric blurted out, hands resting on Garrett’s back and Anders belly, patting them softly. “We made it. Barely! But we are alive to tell another tale.”  
Anders snorted in reply. Garrett pulled his hand out from under Varric’s head and wrapped himself around the Dwarfs side, leaving a great clump of grass on his bare chest. He pulled Anders to the other side, making a Varric sandwich.  
Garrett kissed Varric’s bearded cheek and jaw playfully , even though his face was filthy and he stunk of decay, saying, “I. Love. You. Too. Varric. “, between each kiss. Anders giggled and tucked his head weakly into Varric’s chest and just breathed in the fresh air that surrounded them. Varric squeezed them to his side gruffly and they groaned at the pressure, laughing happily.

They napped safely, in each other’s arms, until the sun nearly set in the sky, the sounds of crickets waking them. They sat in the grass and talked about what they were going to do next, deciding to search the area for food and water, and stay here till morning. Anders was in charge of the fire, there were branches all around and would take little effort to collect, thankfully. Varric was in charge of scrounging food and Garrett was in charge of looking for water. 

Garrett helped Anders clear a space for the campfire, near the entrance, there was a rock wall that would protect them from one side. They needed to keep an eye on the entrance; they had stashed bags of treasure just inside, buried under rubble and did not want nor have the energy to drag them out yet. He gave Anders’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze before wandering off to see what he could find. He spent most of the time touching everything he could, reveling in the feel of nature, his face turned up towards the sky. He took in gasping gulps of fresh air into his lungs, making him dizzy. He did not walk far till he heard the sounds of a stream rustling and hurried towards it. He wanted to drink but knew better, unclean water would kill just as quickly as a blade. He knelt next to it, taking handfuls of water and pouring it over his head. He shook his head like a Mabari to clear his sopping wet hair of the water and gasped at the coldness of the breeze on his wet skin, it had been too long since air had flowed over his skin. He washed his face and forearms and stood to go and get the others so they could be refreshed too.  
Varric had beaten him back to camp; he was skinning a pair of rabbits, fat ones. Garrett clapped his hands and whooped at the sight, his belly rumbling at the idea of eating anything but mushrooms and dehydrated deepstalker. Anders lay on his side, head resting on his arm, the fire crackling behind him. He gave Garrett a weak smile gesturing for him to come to him.  
Garrett sat on his heels in front of him, ran his knuckles down Anders’s dirty, scruffy cheek, “Are you okay?” he whispered, concern lighting his eyes.

Anders took his calloused, but clean, hand from his face and squeezed, “Yes. You smell like water.” Garrett stood and pulled Anders to his feet gently, he’d carry him, if he had the strength.  
Garrett wrapped an arm around Anders waist, for support, “There’s a stream not too far down. I’ll take you down first okay?” he said gently tucking a strand of dirty hair behind Anders ear.  
“Varric I’m going to take Anders down to a stream to clean up, you okay cooking’ those delicious things you caught?” Garrett licked his lips dramatically, making Varric laugh.  
“Yeah, I got this, chuckles. You just take care of him.” He nodded to Anders, concern written on his overly beardy face.  
Garrett nodded and walked towards the stream with Anders leaning into his side. They walked quietly, stunned at their surroundings. When they came to the stream he set Anders on the bank and helped him off with his boots.  
“I’m going to look and see if I can find a pool to warm up. I don’t want you freezing to death on me, now.” He said over his shoulder as he moved down stream. He found a pool that was not too deep, just to mid thigh, several rounded rocks sat under the water, which meant they wouldn’t get mud in their cracks. He cast several fire runes around it until the water steamed up the bank eerily. Anders hobbled down to Garrett, carrying his boots in one hand, the other held out for balance.

Garrett sat on the bank, tore off his boots and socks, grinding his toes into the damp soil and smiled blissfully at Anders. He helped Anders with his robe and brought him to sit in the heated pool, before undressing himself. He rinsed his socks and smalls in the stream ringing them out thoroughly. He set his socks by his boots and carried his smalls down to the pool to wash with.  
“Gross but necessary.” he told himself and Anders, who didn’t much care. He washed Anders first, taking the time to run his fingers through his hair, with each handful of water he poured over his head; releasing the knots that had gathered. His hair became blonde, soft and silky again.  
“Look at that Anders, your blonde again!” he teased; Anders smiled and closed his eyes enjoying the sensation. Garrett noticed his friend leaning over in exhaustion; Justice hadn’t let him sleep in days. Garrett pulled Anders sideways on to his lap and leaned him against his chest, his head on his shoulder. He washed him the best he could with a pair of smalls and plain water. He washed himself, the parts he could reach anyway, the best he could with a man cradled on his lap. Anders began drifting to sleep and Garrett’s heart hurt at the idea of having to wake him, but there was food and they needed to eat.  
They put their soiled clothes and boots back on; Garrett stuffed his wet socks and smalls into a pocket. They made their way back to camp just as the sun was setting and could smell the lure of roasting meat the closer they got. Varric grinned at them as they approached and raised a stick with meat on it at them, gleefully. They ate; Garrett fed Anders bits of meat as he leaned against his chest. After he fed as much as he could to Anders, he made water in his hands with his magic by casting ice then fire. Anders drank from him in tiny thirsty gulps, he offered Varric and he drank from his hands too.  
“I’m going to go get cleaned up. Here use this for Blondie.” Varric said, pulling off his coat and setting it in the grass.

Garrett nodded appreciatively, “Streams straight that way. Look for eerie fog on the bank, then look for fire runes in a pool.” He points the way then stands, easing Anders softly to the ground, moving to find a grassy patch near the fire to make a makeshift bed for them to rest. He puts his socks and smalls on a rock near the fire to dry before he spreads out his own jacket on the ground for them to lie on. He picks up Anders easily from the ground, astonished at how light he was. He kissed his temple tenderly before laying him down on his side, waist up on his jacket, facing the fire and covering him with Varric’s jacket. Garrett sits facing the fire, tucking Anders’s robe around his ankles to keep him warm and smiles as Anders snuggles his face into his jacket beneath him, sighing in contentment.

Garrett pulls his knees to his chest and stares into the fire, watching the flames lick up with every soft breeze. It reminded him of that monster, that Demon, in the Deep Roads and it made him shiver. The past weeks had been a struggle for survival wrapped in betrayal. Bartrand had betrayed them all with greed, he sealed them in the deep roads for treasure and it cut Varric deeply. Garrett had betrayed Carver by handing him over to the Grey Wardens against his wishes, he would have died from the blight if he hadn’t, could be dead right now for all he knew; but at least he had a chance. Garrett felt no guilt for his choice but dreaded having to tell his mother.

He let his mind wander to Merrill and wondered if she would be happy to see him, time underground had filled him with doubt and it hurt him to think of her rejecting him again. The dreams had stopped weeks ago, he wasn’t sure what that meant but he didn’t have time to think about it much, down there; but now wondered if that meant she had found somebody to bed. It was all about trying to stay alive and keep his two friends alive with him down in the Deep Roads; it was enlightening how much he cared for Anders and Varric, he loved them and found he would gladly sacrifice his life for theirs if it came to it. Anders tried to convince Garrett that she would come to him when she was ready, and he knew he was right. Garrett put his hand on Anders leg for comfort, rubbing circles on his knobby knee with his thumb.  
His ears perked up at movement in the bushes, “Just me.” Varric called out. Varric sat by the fire “Thanks for leaving those runes. Was like a hot tub. Nice trick chuckles!” Varric whispered.  
Garrett laughed softly, “Mages have their uses.” He climbed behind Anders and wrapped his arms around his waist; Varric lays his head and shoulders next to theirs on the other half of the jacket. They had slept like this for weeks, for warmth and protection. They did not feel safe yet and took comfort in each other.  
“Night Varric.” Garrett whispered before snuggling into Anders hair.  
“Night Hawke.” Varric said draping his leg over Bianca before falling into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Rolling in the Deep” - Adele


	9. "Without You"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett gets his "ducks" in a row.

\--

Garrett grunts at the persistent knocking on his door and tries to snuggle deeper into his pillows to make it stop. The knocks continue and he rolls over on his back, “What?” he shouts.  
“Hey Chuckles, let me in…we got a situation we need to discuss.” Varric’s voice booms through the door.  
“It’s open, Varric” Garrett calls out, blinking himself awake, lacing his fingers behind his head.  
Varric cracks the door and peeks in, “You’re not naked are you?”  
Garrett snorts, “No. What’s up? My most favorite crossbow wielder in all of Thedas. ”  
Varric leaves the door open and walks to the side of the bed, belly flopping on top of Garrett’s legs, “Well it seems we need go find a rare flower today.”  
Garrett kicks at Varric as he tries to tickle his feet to no avail, so flicks Varric’s ear instead. “What are you talking about?” he says giggling, he has sensitive feet.

Varric snort laughs and stands up, “I can’t find Daisy.”  
Garrett sits up with a start, “Varric, what do you mean you can’t find her? I thought you were having your people trail her!” Garrett jumps out of bed, stark naked; he lied.  
Varric groans and covers his eyes dramatically, “I do! They lost her at the docks!”  
Garrett stumbles as he tries to pull his smalls on, “The docks! Why the hell would she go to the docks?” Garrett tugs on his socks, then nearly trips himself as he tried putting both legs into his breeches at once, “You don’t think she was trying to leave? Makers Balls, Varric!”  
Varric raises his hands in the air, “I know. I know. Hurry and let's go find her!”

Garrett whistles for Mercy and she comes bounding up the steps, her ears perked up, “We gotta go find Merrill, girl. You remember her scent?” Mercy tilts her head and whines a no. Garrett goes to his wardrobe, tugs on a tunic and vest before pulling out a rolled up tunic. He offers it to Mercy to smell, she sticks her nose deep into the fabric and snorts before pulling her head out, giving a sharp bark. “We’ll thank the Maker! She has her scent.” Garrett explained stuffing the tunic back into its spot in the wardrobe. “Varric, go gather the crew, meet me at the Hanged Man in two hours. If we don’t show up, come to the docks and rescue us.” Garrett grabs Varric’s face in both hands and kisses the top of his head. He quickly throws on his jacket and pats his pockets like he’s forgetting something.  
“You got it, Chuckles.” Varric said, “Hey, What’s with the shirt?” He called out after Garrett ran from the room.

Garrett ran most of the way to the docks from Hightown, Mercy at his heels, his heart was pounding and his lungs were burning. Mercy loved it, it had been awhile since they went for a good run, and her tongue hung out panting happily.  
Garrett pulled in large gulps of air, “Okay Mercy. Let’s try and find our girl, okay?”  
Mercy woofed and sniffed the air, one paw pulled up to her heaving chest. She barked and started to walk towards the pier, Garrett followed. She trotted down to the pier, sniffed and then whined before walking in circles.  
“Loose the scent?” Garrett asked his mabari. She whined and sniffed the air again. Garrett ran his hands through his hair in fear and frustration, what if she had left, what if she was taken; images of her bound and gagged in some slaver ship hold made his stomach churn and he wanted to vomit. Mercy spun around, her ears perking up and bound down a set of stairs and around a corner; before Garrett knew what was happening. He ran after her, hoping.

Garrett came to a halt, his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. He would laugh at the sight if he had enough breath. Merrill was on her back, soaking wet but laughing and Mercy was licking her face, her whole mabari body wiggling in happiness.  
Garrett whistles after a minute and Mercy bounds to his side, hopping all around him in pride and happiness at her accomplishment for finding Merrill.  
Garrett scratches behind her ears, “Good girl! I’m getting you a big ole juicy nug steak for dinner!”Mercy barks her approval. Garrett tries to rein in his emotions before facing Merrill; he had thought the worst. He wanted to run to her and kiss her.

Garrett walks over and squats in front of Merrill, “You okay, Mer? What happened?”  
“I fell off the pier. The harbor is really deep!” Merrill looks pathetically into Garrett’s face, and coughs. Garrett pulls off his jacket and drapes it over her wet shoulders.  
“What were you doing on the pier, Mer?” Garrett asks pushing her wet hair out of her eyes with a finger.  
“Oh! I thought I saw a fish jumping!” Merrill smiled happily, squinting as she looked up, the sun in her eyes. Mercy barked.  
Garrett pulled her to her feet, rubbing her shoulders under his jacket, casting heat into his hands to try and warm her some.  
“I keep getting lost here. The last time I went to hightown by myself, it took me four hours to find my way home.” Merrill said leaning into Garrett’s side as he pulled her to him, “How come you never get lost?  
“I do. Sometimes.” Garrett shrugs, guiding her out of the docks towards lowtown.

Merrill snorts in disbelief, “I’ve never seen it! And everybody follows you, and you always seem to know where you’re going.” Her feet make little wet slapping sounds on the stone ground as they walk; making Garrett want to carry her.  
Garrett shrugs and runs his hand up and down Merrill’s arm, “Just act like you know where you’re going, that’s usually enough.”  
Merrill wipes the water dripping down from her hair off her forehead l, “I try that sometimes! But there’s no amount of confidence that makes up for walking into the Grand Cleric’s airing cupboard.”  
Garret squeezed her into his side reassuringly, “What about that time I led us in circles around the Wounded Coast for 3 hours?” He nodded to people he knew as they went, some were his and some Varric’s; most were supposed to keep an eye on his friends, someone didn’t do their job today and he was going to find out who.  
Merrill exclaims,“Oh! I thought you were just admiring the view! It was a lovely day at least.”  
Garrett thought back to that day and remembered he was admiring the view, of her. It was the day he told Anders about The Grandfather and asked for his help.  
“Everything here is cold, hard stone. I wish I’d worn shoes with soles, now” Merrill blurts out solemnly.  
Garrett stops and stoops in front of her, his back to her front, “Wrap your arms around my neck, legs around my waist, Mer.” Garrett grips her legs and stands, hoisting her up his back, Merrill giggles and wraps her arms around his shoulders; hands resting on his chest. Mercy barks, jumping up to nip at Merrill’s dangling feet playfully.

Merrill taps her hands on Garretts chest, “Have you heard from Carver at all?”  
Garrett bounces her up his back, “Not a word. I’m not even sure if they are allowed to write.” Merrill hmms in reply. “It hurts my mother the most. She doesn’t quite believe me that Carver didn’t die.”Garrett says sadly, Merrill tightens her arms over his chest in an awkwardly positioned hug; making garretts sadness fade.

“Where are you taking me lethallin?” Merrill asks as they walk, laying her chin on Garrett’s shoulder.  
Garrett smiled at her calling him lethallin, he learned what it meant by reading about her culture in the deep roads; it meant friend, trust, family and it made him hopeful, “To The Hanged Man. Everyone should be there waiting for us.” He turns his head and kisses her temple, not caring that her wet hair smells like fish, before bouncing her up to get a better grip.  
Merrill claps her hands happily, “Oh how exciting! Isabella said the next time we were there she would teach me to do something called ‘body shots’.” Garrett groaned, shook his head.  
Mercy barks, Merrill smiles and Garrett growls; his mind spinning images of him taking shots of liquor off of her body, among other wicked things he wanted to do to her. He rearranges his arms backwards to grip her bottom with his hands, bouncing her up again. 

They make it to the Hanged Man before the two hour mark and everyone was happy to see them. Isabella fawned over Merrill, as well as Varric. Fenris patted her on her back then wiped his hand on his pants and Anders smiled tightly in her general direction.  
Merrill leaned over to Anders and whispered so only he could hear, “Can you stop by my house tonight please?” Anders furrowed his brow and nodded in agreement.

“Hey, since we are all here…anyone want to run to the bone pit?” Garrett asks his friends, knowing they all hated going there. Everyone complained, instantly throwing whatever they could reach at him and Garrett laughed heartily as an empty mug bounced off his chest. “No? How about tracking down some criminal for the magistrate tomorrow then? Good coin in it!” Everyone cheered and Garrett grinned a big toothy grin, raising his arms in triumph. “Aveline, Fenris, Merrill; you three in?” He clapped his hands and ordered a round for the table after the three agreed. He hadn’t been out with Merrill on a mission in awhile and was excited about the adventure, he missed fighting at her side; their magic worked so well together.

\--

Merrill answered her door excitedly, “I’ve got something to show you! Come and see!”  
Anders followed her curiously through her entryway into her bedroom, “Hello to you too Merrill.”  
Merrill stood in front of a broken mirror grinning, “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”  
Anders raised an eyebrow at Merrill’s back, “Of all the mirrors in your house, Merrill, this is easily the nicest.” Anders thought the mirror was creepy, twisted with branches, cracked and held no reflection; it gave him the chills.  
Merrill bounced on the heel of her feet in excitement, “I knew, if anyone understood, you would.” Merrill turns facing Anders, “I’ve spent the last few years restoring this. Two of my clan stumbled across it in a ruin. We never found Tamlen. And Mahariel came back…poisoned by the eluvian. Sick just from being near it.”  
“Tell me you didn’t bring the killer mirror to Kirkwall just because it’s pretty.” Anders said his mouth agape, “I have heard the story from Mahariel’s own mouth, and you have got to be kidding me right now. That thing tainted and nearly killed her Merrill!”  
“It’s not dangerous, I promise! I fixed it. Or tried to. With blood magic. The mirror won’t hurt anyone.” Merrill said trying to persuade Anders.  
Anders crossed his arms over his chest, “I cringe every time you say that. You have no idea what you’re messing with. How could you be so careless?”  
“I do! I have it totally under control.” She says flatly, “But…it doesn’t work. I’ve tried everything and I think it’s because it needs to be finished with a special tool. I need your help to get it.”  
Anders huffed, “This a habit of yours to bat your eyelashes at men and get them to do what you want? I am not that easily persuaded.”

Merrill stared at Anders, confused “What? I didn’t bat my eyelashes at you.”  
Anders pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and finger, “Not figuratively. Look. Let me ask you something first, why did you break it off with Garrett? I thought that’s why you asked for me to come here, to talk about his broken heart…not this…broken mirror”

“What he asked…He wanted me to give up too much. I just couldn’t. He wanted a child, Anders, my decision was not thoughtless. ” Merrill said sadly, “I need to stay focused on helping my people…”  
“He wants a partner, a family, what wouldn’t someone give up for that? He chose YOU to strengthen his bloodline and you tossed him to the side like his choice was nothing! Do you know how many would line up for a man like Garrett?” Anders lowers his voice, Merrill flinched startled, “He’d do anything for you, probably burn all of Thedas and set the ashes at your feet if you asked it of him. Why are you not going to him for this?” Anders could hear the blood rush in his ears, he was so angry. They didn’t hear Garrett come into the house over their bickering, they had left the front door cracked open; Garrett heard everything.  
Merrill looks down and fiddled with her fingers, “I don’t think he will help me. I don’t deserve it, after what I d-did.”

Anders snorts, exasperated, “Damn right you don’t.”  
Merrill flinches and waves her hands in front of her, “We are getting off topic, I need your help to complete my mirror. Not your help to fix my life or relationship with Garrett.” Merrill gestures with her hands, “Besides, I didn’t have a choice. He was trying to stand in my way of helping my people.”  
Anders put his hands on his hips and leaned forward, practically fuming at the mouth, “You have choices! You always had choices! Stop using blood magic. Get rid of that damned mirror.” He steps towards Merrill his face flushed and angry, “Chose Garrett while you still can! Are you really that stupid? Makers Ass! Garrett branded himself with your mark, to keep you with him. He doesn’t want to stand in front of you, stupid girl! He wants to walk by your side, and all that mushy nonsense! He loves you without reason and is willing to give up everything. For . You. YOU are HIS people, his mirror, his cause!” Anders throws his hands in the air and nods vigorously as Merrill’s jaw drops open, dumbfounded. “Now you fucking get it, stupid girl!”  
Merrill bristles at being called stupid and yells, “Oh in that case, I will throw it away, right after you abandon the plight of the circle mages!”

Anders yells, “Don’t change the damned subject! Do you have any idea how much he suffers? I know you have seen his dreams; you have to know how it affects him. It has been like that since the day he met you and how long has that been? He wakes every damned morning, hard as stone craving ONLY you! Every. Single. Day. I had to help him down there; I’m surprised his dick hasn’t fallen off! Do you eve…” Anders points a finger accusingly at Merrill.

“Anders!” Garrett roared, stepping into the bedroom and interrupting Anders, “What do you think you are doing?”  
Merrill jumps at Garrett’s booming voice suddenly being in her house. Anders sighs, placing a hand on his forehead, the other on his hip, “Trying to talk some sense into her!” Anders turns to look at Garrett and regrets it; Garrett is enraged and looks frightening.

“By berating her? You thought that I would be okay with you telling her these things, Anders?” Garrett walked right up to Anders close enough to lean in and kiss, his fists clenched, his eyes burning in anger. “You think you have any right to me, I told you I couldn’t…. Why are you even in her house?”  
Anders shakes his head in disbelief, the fear of Garrett easing out of him, “She asked me here, Garrett!”  
Garrett looks over Anders shoulder at Merrill, as if confirming her invitation. Anders snorts a laugh of disbelief, raising his hands in the air, “I…just can’t. I am leaving.” He steps around Garrett, brushing his shoulder softly with his, looking at Merrill over his shoulder. “Sorry, but I will not help you. And Garrett, you shouldn’t either.” Then he walks out of her house, and they hear him slamming the door behind him.

Merrill looks at Garrett, not knowing what to say. Garrett looks around the room, trying to look anywhere but her; he was embarrassed. His eyes settled on the mirror, “What’s that?”  
“An Eluvian.” Merrill says, sitting on her bed, pulling her red pillow onto her lap; hugging it to her chest without thinking.  
Garrett smiles roguishly at her, crosses his arms over his chest and leans a hip into the doorframe. Images of that night he walked in on her with that pillow flooded his mind, cooling his anger, “Kept the pillow I gave you?”  
Merrill throws the pillow behind her, as if it were on fire, before jumping to her feet, “Tea? I’ll find something relatively clean for you to sit on.” She brushes past Garrett, without touching him, “Maker is it hot in here?” she mutters as she passes him.  
Garrett chuckles at how red she is and follows her into the entryway, pulling his eyes reluctantly away from the pillow and her bed.

“Can I get you something to eat or drink? I have…tea!” She says nervously noticing the basket on the table, looks like the one Leandra always sent over for her. It explained why Garrett was here and she sighed, she had missed his regular visits.

Garrett sits on his chair, or the chair he would normally sit on when he came to visit. “Thank you.” He says. “I’ve missed you. I miss spending time with you.” He whispers.  
“By the Dread Wolf! Why is my house always a mess when people are here? It’s clean sometimes, I swear.” Merrill rambles grabbing for a book in front of Garrett’s chair.  
Garrett darts his arm out and grabs her wrist, “It’s okay, Mer.” They look into each other’s eyes a moment and Garrett releases her. Merrill walks around the table and busies herself with making tea.

Garrett leaned his forearms on his knees and looked at her thoughtfully, “This thing is what made the Keeper send you away, isn’t it?”  
“The Keeper wanted me to destroy the fragment I kept. She said our ancestors meant it to be forgotten.” She said sadly, “But it’s a Keeper’s place to remember! Even the dangerous things. We argued. I…left.”  
Merrill stood and pulled the kettle off the hearth, setting it on the table, “She’s wrong. This mirror could teach us so much about who we once were!”  
“What are you trying to do with this mirror?” Garrett asks, watching her movement, his eyes roving her body; his mind churning memories of her on a stormy night, the taste of her mouth.

“At first, I wanted to find out what happened to my friends. Maybe I could still help them.” Merrill pulled two mugs off a shelf, a small box and a jar of honey and set them down on the table, “I suppose the Great Hero of Ferelden doesn’t need my help now.”  
Garrett’s eyebrows rose, “What does The Hero of Ferelden have to do with anything?”  
“Ander’s knew her. I w-was hoping he’d help me because he did.” Merrill said sheepishly, pinching herbs from the box and letting it fall into the mugs; putting two pinches into Garrett’s mug because he likes his strong. “Anyway, I know I can use it to help my people recover what we’ve lost.” She dipped a spoon into the honey pot and let some drip into each cup, more in hers than Garrett’s.

Garrett rubbed his fingers through his hair and looked down at his boots,”Anders is important to me Merrill, we have become close since the Deep Roads. He’s hurting because I am hurting. I’m sorry he said what he did, but he meant well…I think.”  
Merrill’s eyebrows rise into her brow, “Oh. Oh! You’ve moved on, with Anders?”  
Garrett gasps, “Makers Balls! No! That’s…not what I meant.” He gestures with his hands, “You don’t understand...he’s dear to me, a very dear friend”

Merrill looks into her tea, “I see.” She says sadly, she knew she had no claim on Garrett but her heart lurched at the thought of him with Anders; the way they were together. This was a new feeling and she didn’t know how to express it.  
“You don’t understand me Merrill. I don’t want to move on.” Garrett growls, frustrated at trying to find the words to say without making things worse, “What he said…about the deep roads. I was in bad shape, the dreams had me…you know.” He gestures to his crotch, “He really had to help me, as a healer. At one point it, uh, turned an unsightly shade of purple.” Merrill makes a horrified face and looks down at this crotch.  
Garrett rubs his palms on his knees nervously, “Anyway, we are getting way off topic. What kind of help do you need?”

Merrill poured steaming water into the mugs, but she keeps glancing at his crotch nervously, “It doesn’t work. I’ve tried everything, and I think it’s because it needs to be finished with a special tool, called an Arulin’Holm. My clan has one; it’s been in their hands for generations.”  
Garrett sits back in the chair, crossing his ankle over a knee, his hands fiddled with the hem of his sock; trying to cover his crotch from her eyes, “I hear a but coming.”

Merrill shakes her head, “I can’t go back there alone. You have an idea of how it was…The Keeper, I can’t talk to her. We fight or talk circles around each other.”  
“I remember.” Garrett says, watching Merrill carefully. The memories of the day he met her flooded his mind, he remembered how hostile her people treated her, and he thought it odd at the time. It was becoming clearer now, however, why they would behave that way.  
“She has a disappointed frown that turns your bones to jelly! Please help me? I know I don’t deserve your help, but I need it.” Merrill whined.

“I will go with you. But I need you to do something in return.” Garrett smiles softly; taking his tea in both hands and blows the steam off the top. He knew he shouldn’t use her need for help as a tool to try and get her back to him, but he couldn’t resist. The Red Iron had taught him to play people this way, it was engraved into who he had become.

“You’ll help me? What do you want me to do?” Merrill asked her eyes round with surprise.  
“I need you to reconsider us. It has been a long time since…” Garrett’s gestures a hand between them. “I will help you anytime you need me, for any reason. Merrill I need you to know I am here for you, regardless of you not being with me the way I want you to be.” Garrett reaches across the table and takes her hand in his, rubbing a thumb in soothing circles across her soft palm, “I am yours; however you want me, as a friend, a lover, or just a pillow...I thought I’d never see you again, never touch you…down in the Deep Roads, we almost…could have died…a-and I just can’t live without you in my life anymore. I have tried waiting for you to come to me…I’m not waiting anymore, Mer.”

Merrill becomes stiff and her eyes big with fear; Garrett releases her hand. “I’m not trying to pressure you okay? I just needed you to know how I felt. I just need you to reconsider, okay?”

Merrill nods, blushing, “I can do that.”

Garrett sips his tea tentatively, hands tightly wrapped around the hot mug, his heart was pounding in his chest, “mmm, this is good. Thank you.” Garrett smiles at Merrill, his grin overly sweet, batting his eyelashes coquettishly, “And Vhenan, tell me you don’t deserve me again and I’ll put you across my knee.” She spit out a mouthful of her tea across the table.

\--

Garrett stands against a wall at the clinic, his arms crossed across his chest; knee bent, foot resting on the wall behind him as he watches Anders heal. He was still angry about how Anders spoke to Merrill and had come to confront him about it. As he watched him move from patient to patient, healing and bandaging; his anger faded and fear settled in his belly as a woman was being carried in, her legs covered in blood, her dress clinging to her large rounded belly.

_Garrett was scared, there was so much blood and his mother was screaming.  
“Son, go fill the water bucket please.” Malcolm called out to his five year old son, his hands glowing bright as he pushed healing magic into his wife as she pushed, she had gone into labor early and was alone to deliver their child, “Hurry Garrett.” He really didn’t need the water, but wanted to occupy his young son._

_Garrett’s eyes went round with determination to do as his father asked. He grabbed the water bucket from the kitchen and his little legs ran as fast as they could down the dirt path to the well. He pulled the rope up, struggling with its weight and pulled it onto the wells ledge, splashing water all down his front, soaking his clothes. He tipped the well bucket and poured water into his bucket. He waddled hastily back to the house, both hands wrapped around the buckets handle in front of him, splashing most of it out as he went. He set the bucket down and heard his mother scream as he pushed the door open; then he heard the squeal of a babies cry as he picked up his bucket to bring to his father, trying very hard not to spill any on the floor as he went._

_Garrett set the nearly empty bucket of water down by his father’s feet and looked up in awe at the tiny wailing baby on his mother’s chest. Its little hands were fisted and trembling as it screamed; the baby had streaks of blood all over it and Garrett thought it was hurt._

_“Papa, what’s wrong with the baby! It’s hurt! Fix it Papa!” He cried out as he pulled himself up to sit next to his panting mother and the little wailing baby._

_“She’s not hurt son. It’s okay.” Malcolm called out from between Leandra’s legs, he was still pushing healing into her._  
_Garrett put his tiny hand on the babies belly to sooth her, but still she wailed, and shook her fists into the air._  
_“Malcolm! The contractions aren’t stopping!” Leandra wailed and pressed her new daughter into Garrett’s tiny hands._  
_“Another one is coming love, push for me.” Malcolm crooned to his wife, he had thought they were going to have a very large baby, not two._

_Garrett set back against a pillow and held his tiny screaming, bloody sister in his arms; making little shushing noises that he remembered his mother and father making to comfort him. Garrett noticed his little hands were glowing faintly blue, like his fathers did sometimes; he ran a finger down his sister’s cheek and her wails quieted some, into whimpers._

_He looked up, his mouth agape, when he heard another baby cry. His father reached up and set another bloody baby on his mother’s chest; his father’s gaze falling to Garrett’s glowing finger caressing his sister’s cheek._  
_Malcolm grinned, “Leandra, look at Garret, love.” His chest filled with a pride he never felt as his son used his magic for the first time._

_Leandra turned her head to look at her eldest son holding her daughter, a smile covered her tired, sweat dampened face at the sight. “Oh Garrett.” She said softly, tears falling from her eyes; as she pat the baby on her chest softly, maneuvering him to her breast._

_Garrett looked at his mother and smiled in return; his little sister wiggled her head around and found Garrett’s finger; she instinctively sucked it into her mouth and made little suckling noises that made Garrett giggle. Malcolm and Leandra smiled; joined their son and giggled happily at the sight._

Garrett slid down the wall and sat on the ground, his hands wrapped around his knees. He watched as Anders brought another life into the world while saving its mother from an otherwise untimely death. He was in awe of his friend, he had the power to give and take life freely and that was something to call heroic.

Garrett’s chest tightened pleasantly, as Anders looked up from the basin he was washing his hands in and smiled joyfully at him. Garrett knew without doubt that he could fall in love with Anders, if his heart was not already full of Merrill. With guilt tickling the back of his mind and admiration in his heart he knew he needed to set boundaries with Anders.

“You okay?” Anders said as he kneeled in front of Garrett, resting his chin on Garrett’s knees, wrapping his arms behind his calves.  
“Yeah, just thinking about my father. You remind me of him sometimes.” Garrett said affectionately, tucking a loose strand of Anders hair behind his ear, tenderly. I need to stop doing that; Garrett thought to himself and sighed.  
Anders sat back on his heels, resting his hands on Garrett’s knees. “You know, you’re the only person I’ve met with a mage parent he actually remembers.” Garrett places his hands over Anders and squeezed before taking them off his knees. “At the circle, any accidental babies are taken away before the mother even sees them.”  
Garrett stands and offers a hand to Anders, “That’s horrible. And the Chantry says it’s all about protecting families.” He pulls Anders up gently, ”My father would never stand for that and neither will I.”

Garrett lays a hand on Anders shoulder and guides him towards the clinic door, “I have something for you. I was going to wait, but I don’t think I can anymore.”  
“Oh?” Anders stops and presses his hands into Garrett’s chest.”What is it? A Kitten? Oh, I hope it’s a Tabby!”  
Garrett snorts, “A present, of sorts.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny pouch and hands it to Anders. “The key opens the cellars below my house. You can get in from Darktown…if you ever need a quick escape.”

Garrett walks out of the clinic, Anders at his heel, stopping at the rubble that looks like any other part of Dark town. Garrett steps around it and moves into the musty passageway leading to the outer door to his cellar, casting a flame in his palm to light the way. Garrett turns, a smile on his face, expecting to see happiness reflected on Ander’s face, but instead he sees dejection.

“Are you sure? There’s a lot of ugliness in my life. You should stay away from me.” Anders says, his head lowered.  
“Not.A.Chance.” Garrett says softly poking his chest with a finger as each word falls from his lips, then pulling Anders chin up to look him into the eyes. “I love you. You are my dearest friend Anders. Use your key, so I can show you your present.”

Anders smiles and shyly walks forward to put the key into the lock, “It means more than I can say to have had a friend like you these past years, Garrett.”  
Anders walks into the dimly lit cellar of the Hawke estate, Garrett following behind him. Garrett lays a hand on Anders shoulder to halt him.  
“There is one more door here, it will be runed and magically sealed, you and I will be the only ones who know the spell to break it.” Garrett shows Anders the spell and lets him use it to open the door into the lower part of his house. 

Anders grins and follows Hawke as he moves down a long hallway with several doors, stopping at the end. “It isn’t quite finished, but…I couldn’t wait any longer.” Garrett says excitedly, bouncing on the balls of his feet and gesturing for Anders to open the door.

Anders smiled and turned the knob opening the door to a very large, sparsely furnished room. The moonlight drifted through windows at the top of one wall, displaying dust motes in the air; it looked magical, like they were standing in a cathedral instead of a basement. Garrett waves his hand around the room, igniting a hearth and several lanterns hanging on the walls. Anders could see two doors and more furniture, draped with fabric in the corner of the room. Anders turns and raises his brows at Garrett, questioning him.

Garrett smiled and walked towards one of the doors, opening it, “Bedroom, bathroom.” He points to the other door at the word bathroom as he disappears into the room. Anders doesn’t know what to say and just follows him into the room. His jaw drops at how large and furnished the room is, hosting a huge bed beneath more windows above it. A desk was on one side of the room, shelves aligning the wall, full of books.

“Do you like it?” Garrett asked nervously, perching on the desk.  
Anders nodded, his eyebrows furrowing, this was a lot to give to someone; he didn't know how to deserve it. He walks towards Garrett; eyes wandering around the room “Uh…Garrett, what’s this about?” he asked, stopping in front of him.  
Garrett smiled, and runs a finger down Anders cheek to get his attention, “It’s all yours.”  
Anders blinks at Garrett, putting a hand on Garrett’s knee, “Are you sure you want me here? Are you sure Merrill will want me to be here?” Anders whispered looking down at his hand.

Garrett sighs, putting his hand over Anders reassuringly, “Absolutely.” Anders looks up and Garrett sees his eyes change from doubt, to desire. Anders presses forward bringing his lips to Garrett’s tenderly, a thank you kiss. Garrett grips the back of Anders neck and deepens the kiss briefly, before pulling away and hopping off the desk. Garrett takes Anders hand in his and leads him out of the bedroom into the other room.

Garrett squeezes Anders hand before releasing it and sitting on a chair by the hearth, gesturing for Anders to sit in the one across from him, “I’ve asked her to reconsider being with me. I think she is going to say she wants to, Anders. She is my future” Anders pulls the chair close to Garrett and sits, their knees nearly touching. Garrett puts his forearms on his knees and leans forward taking Anders hands in his, his eyes focused on his long slender fingers. “I lost who I was for a while…my heart was so broken She...”

Garrett fiddles with Anders fingers nervously, “We can’t continue like this, it isn’t fair for any of us. I need you in my life, as a brother, as a friend. I need you to be safe and close, so I give you this place…so you can have a home that you deserve. Your beautiful and I find you attractive, but I can’t…we can’t…keep…” Anders pulls Garrett’s chin up to look at him, interrupting him.  
Anders smiled sadly, “Thank you. I understand, I always have.“ He leans in and kisses Garrett’s cheeks, his eyebrows, and his forehead. “One last kiss...” He whispers as his lips touch Garrett’s.

Garrett nods, kissing Anders tenderly; pulling him onto his lap, pulling Anders robes up his thighs to gather around his hips. He deepens the kiss and runs a hand up Anders back to press into the back of his neck, angling him the way he wants; his other gripping his bottom. Garrett bites and licks at Anders lips softly, making Anders whine. Anders hands rub up and down Garrett’s sides and darts out his tongue against Garrett’s mouth begging for more, and Garrett lets him, their tongues twirl around each other. Anders moves his hands to Garrett’s breeches laces and Garrett pulls his hands away with a tsk; pulling them behind his back and holding his wrists together with one hand.  
Anders whines into Garrett’s mouth, afraid Garrett was going to pull away. “I got you.” Garrett breaths biting and licking Anders neck; reaching under Anders robe and taking his cock into his hand. He cast oil and heat into his hand making Anders pull away from his lips to arch his back; he leaned back holding himself up by putting his hands on the chair he was sitting on.

“You are so beautiful.” Garrett whispered as he tightened his grip and speed on Anders cock. “You deserve so much Anders. Someone who will love you completely.” Anders groans and thrusts his hips up into Garrett’s fist, so close. “You are so amazing. I know there is someone waiting to love you like you need, like you deserve.” Garrett strokes one more time and Anders is coming into his hand. Garrett pulls him back onto his lap and kisses his lips tenderly.

Anders rests his forehead against Garrett’s breathing heavily, his body still sending jolts of pleasure through him, “I will change the world for you, for your children. I will be the friend to you that you need, and I will try to be a friend to Merrill as well, because that is what YOU deserve.”  
Garrett smiles and tucks a stray lock of blonde hair behind Anders’s ear with a sigh, one last time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
> Arulin’Holm – an ancient elven tool used for woodcarving.  
> Vhenan: Heart  
> Lethallin: Casual reference used for someone with whom one is familiar
> 
> “Without You” - My Darkest Days


	10. "Broken"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garrett loses his shit…then finds a little relief after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic stuff ahead...just sayin'.

\--  
Garrett stared down, enraged, as he watched the pool of blood spread around the mangled corpse. Garrett’s chest was heaving from his rapid breaths; he had his foot pressed against the still body’s chest. He twisted his glaive into the corpse’s belly, feeling the metal grind against the stone beneath the corpse, his knuckles white from holding it too firmly in his hands. He cast force on the corpse’s head over and over; it no longer resembled anything human just a mass of bone, blood and brain matter.  
Something in Garrett snapped. The corpse of Kelder represented all the pain, all the injustice he’d experienced and witnessed since Lothering. The weight from all of the terrible things he had to do in the name of The Red Iron came crashing down, his past crashing into his present. 

Fenris was beside him, “He’s dead, Hawke. Step away” He whispered, his voice uncharacteristically tender, laying his hand on Garrett’s back. Garrett cast a force spell sending Fenris sliding on his bottom across the stone floor away from him. Fenris raised his hand in warning for Aveline and Merrill to stay away, the concern clear on his face.  
Garrett pressed down with his foot harder, feeling and hearing Kelder’s ribs break beneath his feet, in a savage reply to Fenris’s approach. Garrett roared, his foot stomping the already battered corpse, the rush of adrenaline making his ears ring. The sickening sound of cracking bones and the spreading pool of bright red blood goaded him to keep twisting the blade; he wanted to kill this man over and over for what he had done. His mind kept replaying Kelder’s smug look as he said, _“She had no right to be so beautiful, so perfect. She needed to be taught a lesson, like all the others.”_

Garrett’s stomach churned at what this monster did to that little elf girl, Lia. He stabbed the corpse over and over as he roared out every curse he knew at his unhearing target. The pain and anguish he repressed over the years came crashing out of him; tears of anger spilled from his eyes to blend in with the sweat, Kaddis and blood running down his face. He couldn’t let go of the image of her tiny hands trying to keep her torn dress together, of her scraped knees. He kept seeing his little sister, Bethany in her place. He felt his sanity wither and fray as he wailed and continued to batter the corpse savagely. Merrill skirted around Aveline, placing her hand on her shoulder as she went, nodding reassuringly. Aveline cautioned Merrill so only she could hear, “Some people are simply broken.” Merrill furrowed her brow at the comment and tried not to cry, the held tears stinging her eyes. She tentatively approached Garrett, she had never seen this side of him and she was scared, but knew beyond a doubt that he would never hurt her on purpose. His pain was breaking her heart and she wanted, needed, to wrap him up and take him away until he was safe.

_“The man you’re after, he targets elves! He dragged my daughter into those ruins and killed her! I want him dead!” The hostile male elf shouted at Garrett. “My girl, Lia, she wasn’t his first victim. Over the years he’s taken dozens of our children and not once has he paid for his crimes!”_  
_Garrett furrowed his brow in disgust at the revelation, “A man who murders children won’t survive long in the courts of Kirkwall.”_  
_“No! Don’t you understand? If you take him in, he’ll be free again by nightfall!” The elf shouted, his arms gesturing in front of him angrily._  
_“You have so little faith in the law?” Aveline spoke up next to Garrett._  
_“For all my damned coin, I’m still only an elf to these shemlen. There’ll be no justice for my girl in the courts of Kirkwall.” He stared angrily._  
_“This murderer cannot be allowed to walk free.” Garrett replied coldly, knowing the truth in the statement._  
_“Then that bastard will finally get what he deserves. Thank You.” The elf said, no joy in his voice._  
_Stupid guard walks up, “Not wise, stranger. You try to take justice into your own hands; the magistrate’ll have your head.”_  
_“Only if it’s reported.” Aveline said defiantly._  
_Garrett killed everything that moved in the ruins with brutality he hadn’t felt since the escape from Lothering. His companions simply followed and did what they could to help. He was taking this personal, he wasn’t going to allow a child killer to live in his city._  
_“Who are you? Please, can you get me out of here? I just want to go home.” The little elf kneeling on the stone floor said. Garrett’s stomach twisted at the sight of her ripped clothes and the garish bruise across her youthful face, she had the same color hair as Bethany had._  
_"Don't be afraid, da'len. Everything's going to be all right now." Merrill cooed to the small elf child, kneeling down in front of her and taking her hands. His heart lurched as he watched Merrill comfort the hurt child._  
_“Lia? Your father sent us.” Garrett spoke softly. ” I’m going to heal you okay?” Garrett said softly, crouching down next to Merrill._  
_“Papa? Kelder said that he’d hurt my family if I didn’t come with him…” Lia said her eyes staring blankly into Merrill’s. She didn’t seem to notice Garrett’s hand touching her as he poured healing into her. “He hit me, told me I was nothing. I begged him to stop hurting me…H-he…” Tears began to fall down the girl’s cheek, flowing over the tear stains already present. She grasped the pieces of her torn dress closed around her legs, revealing her boney scrapped knees. “I didn’t think he would, but out of nowhere, he pushed me away and just…started crying.” She sniffled. Suddenly she looked up into Garrett’s eyes, as if noticing him for the first time, and grabbed onto his arms with both hands clenching tightly._ _“Don’t you see? He didn’t mean to hurt me! He told me! There are demons; they make him to do these horrible things!”_  
_Garrett clenched his teeth hard, the muscles in his jaw flexing in anger, “I’ll have to remember to use that. “A demon made me do it!” He said carefully, trying not to scare Lia any further._  
_“But…it’s true! How else could he do something like this?” Lia pleaded. Garrett stood and gently took the little elf’s hands in his raising her off the stone floor. He picked her up, cradling her to his chest, “It’s okay Bethy, I’ve got you.” He whispered into her hair. They walked her back to the entrance and her waiting father, all the while pouring healing into the fragile little elf in his arms, satisfied as he watched her knees heal._

Garrett’s fists relaxed around his staff, Merrill’s shaking hands encircling his, and he pulled the staff up and out of the mangled corpse. It felt, to him, like it had been an eternity since their skin touched and he longed for her desperately; her touch pulled him back to his senses. He did not miss the trembling in her hands over his, or the fear in her beautiful eyes. He forced his body to relax, his attention turned from Kelder’s corpse to Merrill’s warm touch. He was panting, the adrenaline making his hands tremble as he caressed the back of her cheek with his knuckles. Merrill wrapped her arms around Garrett’s waist and whispered in a soothing voice, “Fen’Harel ma ghilana, lethallin” She stepped backwards, pulling him away slowly from the mangled corpse, her eyes never leaving his. His mind calmed and his body relaxed as Merrill walked them backwards. He could feel his energy draining from his body, he cast one last spell setting Kelder’s corpse on fire, draining the last of his mana. He dropped his staff to the stone floor with trembling hands. Garret encircled her within his arms as they went, the anger in his eyes softening at the sight and feel of her. She stopped walking and he leaned down nuzzling her neck and breathing in her familiar scent.

“Ir abelas” Garrett replied, whispering in her ear, his arms tightening around her body as if she were going to fade away. Merrill gave a squeal of surprise at Garrett’s words; she had heard him speak her language candidly only once before and that was when he had called her Vhenan. She pulled her head back and looked into his face, her eyes wide in surprise, “You...”  
Garrett interrupted, “I didn’t mean to scare you, Mer. I’m so sorry.” He said apologetically, his voice wavering, sniffing and trying to rein in his emotions. He felt drained, his mana was dangerously depleted; he slid down to the stone floor on to his knees. He wrapped his arms around Merrill’s thin waist and wept openly; mourning his sister he lost so long ago. Merrill ran her fingers through his hair soothingly; her heart was breaking for him. Her diminutive body shook with each anguished sob, his arms wrapped tightly around her. Without warning his arms dropped to his sides and he slumped over onto his side, everything fading to black.

\--

Garret woke blinking his eyes rapidly, turning is head from side to side, his throat burned and his head felt heavy, he couldn’t remember where he was. He determined he was on the ground and outside by the way the light from a fire flickered on the tree above him and the firmness under him. Merrill was next to him holding a cup, she scooped her hand under his neck to help him sit and drink. He drank greedily from the cup, water dripping down his chin. He gave a mumble when the cup was empty.  
“I’ll get you more.” Merrill said hastily and stood to go refill his cup. He watched her as she walked hurriedly away, taking in the camp. He could see Fenris’s curled back lying on the other side of the fire. What he had done rushed to the front of his mind as he stared into the fire. He replayed his gruesome behavior and it made him want to vomit. Merrill came into view. She had a wary smile on her face as she carried the full cup to Garrett.

“Ma serannas. I don’t think I could have…stopped” Garrett said sitting cross legged on the ground taking the cup from Merrill as she offered it to him and guzzled it empty.  
“You have learned some Elvish I see?” Merrill said kneeling on the mat in front of Garrett’s crossed legs, trying to change the subject for now; she thought his pronunciation was atrocious but loved that he was trying for her. She could see the pain was still raw in his eyes and she wanted to make it go away.  
Garrett leaned forward tucking a strand of hair behind her pointed ear. He leaned in, pressing his lips to her forehead before whispering, “I’ve learned a lot of things since the fade, my dove. I want to be whatever you need me to be. Your people are important…I wanted to be…”  
Merrill scrambled onto his lap, straddling his hips, “Shhhhh. You are everything I want you to be.” She ran her hands through the hair on the back of his neck, scratching lightly with her nails; making his eyes half close in pleasure.  
His eyes opened lazily and searched hers, “I cannot let you go. I cannot be me without you.” His palm caressed her cheek lovingly, “I need you.” Garrett said, emotion filling his eyes and making his voice thick. Merrill shut her eyes, turning into his hand and kissing his palm. “Even if you can’t…Even if you can’t give me what I want…It doesn’t matter.” Garrett's voice cracked as he said, barely a whisper, “Don’t make me leave you again...please Mer. Nothing matters without you.”  
Merrill whispered into his hand,” Var lath vir suledin, Ma vhenan. Neither can I.” Garrett lifted her chin up and brought his lips to hers in a needy kiss, understanding her words. Garrett gripped her hips and pulled her as close as she could get to him, thrusting his hips up into her.

Merrill moaned into his mouth before reluctantly pulling away, “I want you Vhenan, everything you offer...bu”  
Garrett growled and pushed her back onto the ground, his mouth ravaging hers with pure greed and desire; interrupting her words. He felt like had been waiting for her to say those words for an eternity and his restraint broke; desire to claim her overpowering his thoughts. Garrett’s hands shakily tried to strip off her armor, his hands impatiently pulling down her breeches without unlacing them.

“Vhenan, not here.” Merrill panted into his mouth,trying to still his desperate hands by grasping them; she raised her hips attempting to buck him off. Her movements were misunderstood by him, they mirrored the urgency he felt; making Garrett pull and tug on her breeches harder, ripping them and allowing just enough give for him to pull them down her thighs.

“Vhenan, please…w-wait.” Merrill yelped. Garrett looked down at her exposed mound, her tempting slit glistening in the firelight, the steps of the ritual tumbling out of his mind at the sight and smell, of her. His hand fumbled with his own breeches, pulling on the laces till they opened; his eyes were blown black with lust and the world did not exist outside of the two of them, his need to take her overwhelming him.

Merrill took his face into both hands, pressing her fingertips firmly into his face, looking into his eyes, “Stop! Vhenan, not here!” she pleaded loudly, and Garrett jerked back at the word stop.

“Merrill?” Fenris called out, stumbling around the fire his sword in hand ready to attack; her yelling woke him from his sleep.  
Garrett leaned back, sitting on his heels before pulling Merrill’s tunic over her nakedness, shut his eyes tight and pulled in gulps of air; trying to rein in his lust. He clenched his fists and laid them on his thighs, digging his nails into his palms to center himself; he could feel the warmth of his blood in his hands grounding him.

“Everything is okay, Fenris. Please can you…g-go keep watch with Aveline?” She asked her eyes not leaving Garrett’s pained face. Fenris gave a huff of disapproval.  
“He will not hurt me. Please Fenris.” She turned her head to look at Fenris, giving him a reassuring half smile. He re-sheathed his sword and turned to do as she asked without another word.  
“Scream if he tries.” Fenris called out in the dark as he walked away.

Merrill pulled a leg out of her torn breeches letting them cling awkwardly to the other leg. She crawled urgently onto Garrett’s thighs, taking his clenched hands into hers, massaging his hands until he relaxed them open. She turned his hands over and gasped at the wounds he inflicted, “Vhenan…” she whispered her finger tracing the wounds. Garrett cast healing and the moon shaped cuts disappeared.

Merrill whispered, “Vhenan…look at me.” She caressed his face with her palm before trailing her fingers down his clothed neck, chest and abdomen.  
Garrett opened his eyes slowly looking into hers, they were still heavy with desire, it made Merrill’s cheeks flush; her belly burning with want. Garrett raised a hand to her and caressed her cheek with his thumb, leaving a trail of his blood there. He sucked in a sharp breath, the sight of his blood on her face making him think of the ritual and how close he came to not completing it because of his selfishness, “I won’t hurt you my love. You should go with Fenris; I only have so much control…you half naked and sitting on me is going to make me lose myself again.”

Merrill shook her head and pulled his hand down to her mound, she was soaked with desire, “Just use hands for now, Vhenan. Please…I need you.” She pleaded, before being pushed backwards, Garrett’s mouth demanding, his lips nipping, his tongue pushing into her mouth; his fingers delving into her soaked slit seeking her pearl. She moaned and bucked into his hand, desperate for release as his fingers rubbed faster until she tensed and arched as her orgasm took her; he swallowed her cries of pleasure greedily wanting more.

Garrett only waited a moment before leaning back and pushing down his smalls; taking his aching cock in hand. He shuffled backwards, stroking himself and lay himself between her legs; his mouth and tongue immediately lavishing where his fingers had been. Garrett growled at the taste of her, she was so sweet. Merrill cried out in surprise and passion; her hands tugging on his hair as he coaxed her body into another orgasm with his tongue.

Garrett was relentless, giving her only a few moments to come down from her orgasm. “Give me one more.” He growled between his tongue licking, his mouth sucking, his teeth nipping at her thighs and pelvis before returning back to her pearl, demanding her body to climb and bloom into another body wrenching orgasm for him; as he stroked himself vigorously. His lips pulled in her swollen, over stimulated pearl into his mouth and began sucking on it delicately. She arched her back off the ground and screamed into the night as she came harder than ever before; he followed her over the edge, sending pulsing jets over his hand and onto the ground, releasing his mouth from her to growl out his own pleasure.  
Garrett laid his head on her stomach wearily, breathing in short pants of cool night air; he was exhausted and could fall asleep easily. He could feel her muscles tremor from her last orgasm and it made his ego swell. She ran her hands through his hair looking down and watching as his head rose and fell with each heavy breath she took. “Ar lath ma, vhenan.” She whispered lovingly to Garrett, she could feel him smile on her stomach as he sluggishly kissed her belly.

“Makers Balls!” Aveline called out next to the fire, spinning herself around, not wanting to look at her friends in this intimate position. They had heard Merrill scream and came running, thinking the worst. Both had seen Garrett lose control earlier and were wary to leave him alone with her. Fenris stood in front of her, his brow raised as he leered at Garrett and Merrill; realization of why she screamed dawning on him. He smirked and re-sheathed his sword, shaking his head at Aveline. “There is a time and place Hawke! This is not it!” Aveline shouted. Garrett and Merrill laughed breathlessly; Fenris’s relieved laughter followed there’s into the night.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
> Fen'Harel ma ghilana: Dread wolf guides you  
> Ir abelas: I am sorry  
> Var lath vir suledin: Our love will endure  
> Ma vhenan: My heart  
> Ar lath ma, vhenan: I love you, heart/my heart
> 
>  
> 
> “Broken” - Seether


	11. "Alone in the Dark"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The deed gets done and things get....bloody.

\--

Garrett knocked on Merrill’s door but she did not answer, he was unsurprised. He took the key from his pocket and let himself in.  
“Mer?” Garrett called out into the dark house, the hearth was unlit and he waved a hand using his magic to ignite it. “Vhenan?” He called out as he stepped in her room, but it was empty, she wasn’t home. The eerie mirror stood in the corner, cold and unreflective; he turned away from it and walked back through the bedroom door. Garrett was tired and frustrated; he had a long day and had planned on curling up beside her, finally sleeping soundly now that they were back together. He cracked his neck from side to side and huffed before walking out of the house to find her.

He stood by the steps of the alienage and made a bird whistle with his mouth, after a moment an elf stepped out of the shadows by her house. “Do you know where Merrill is?” he asked the elf, this was one of Varric’s men.  
He nodded, “Yes serah. She headed for Hightown before nightfall. Hasn’t come back since.”  
Garrett nodded and pulled a few coin out from his pouch and handed it to the elf. He figured she headed to his house, he just hoped she didn’t get lost this time; he quickened his pace. He ran into no trouble on the way, thankfully. When he walked into his house Bodahn and Sandal were wearing coats, they were about to leave.

“Bodahn? Going out?” Garrett asked as he pulled off his boots and set them under the bench he was sitting on.  
“Ah. Yes. Messere Hawke. My boy and I are going to visit friends. Set your dinner in the larder. Merrill is upstairs waiting for your return. She has been waiting for a few hours. She’s a very patient girl.”  
Sandal scratches his butt and stares at Garrett, “She smells nice.”  
Garrett grins, “Thank you Bodahn, have a nice evening. You too Sandal.” He ruffled Sandals hair with a wink making the boy smile.  
Bodahn guides his son towards the door, “You as well! We will be back tomorrow.”  
Garrett pulled off his jacket as he walked up the stairs; he hung it over the railing. His vest came off next and he laid that over his forearm before opening his door. He walked in and stood open mouthed as he watched Merrill rise up from the steam of the tub she was sitting in, naked. Her skin was pinked from the hot water and her cheeks were flushed beautifully. She raised an arm out to Garrett, water droplets flowed down her skin and Garrett wanted to catch them with his tongue.

Garrett stumbled forward a few steps before Merrill smiled and asked, “Close the door please.”  
Garrett backed up and shut the door with his bottom, his hand fumbling to find the knob to lock it. He leaned his back against the door; pulling his tunic off over his head in a rush, not wanting to take his eyes from her for a moment and dropped it to the floor.

Merrill gasps in surprise, her eyes falling on his tattoo; she points, “Oh! That’s what he meant when he said you branded yourself with my mark!” she exclaims.  
Garrett rubs a hand over his tattoo reverently, “It’s so you will always be close, ma vhenan.”  
Garrett’s eyes roamed her naked, wet body, glistening in the firelight. She didn’t have a flaw on her skin that he could see; her nipples sat high up on her breasts pink and taught. Her belly button was a gentle dip in her stomach in the shape of a t, and below that.. Garrett raised each foot and pulled off his socks before his fingers fumbled to his belt and breeches laces. His eyes stilled on her mound, she was hairless and her cleft was drawn inward making it look like she had a short line that split her between her thighs. He had seen her before, but never had the chance to study her like this. He tugged down his breeches dragging his smalls with them, he stroked his cock a few times to ease the ache before letting it bob in front of him. Garrett swallowed thickly as he stepped out of his breeches; his eyes returning to her face.

Merrill breathed out huskily, “Come here. I want to wash you before the ritual.” Her head turned; eyes falling to the bed and Garrett’s eyes followed hers. She had the bed covered in white sheets; bright red flower petals dotted them and on the end of the bed was a white towel with a small silver jeweled dagger laying on top.

She held out her hand to him again and he walked forward taking it in his. “Maker you’re beautiful.” Garrett whispered as he stepped into the tub drawing her to him. One hand gripped her bottom and the other moved to the back of her neck to guide her mouth to his. He took his time worshiping her lips with his tongue and teeth before pushing his tongue into her mouth, tasting her. She pulled back and pushed gently on his shoulders, guiding him to sit in the water.  
Garrett smiled roguishly at her and trailed his mouth from her neck, across a breast, down her belly button, her pelvis; till he knelt in front of her in the water. He caressed her thighs and hips bringing his thumbs to circle around each side of her mound. Her hands ran through his hair and she moaned at the sensation of being touched. He watched her face as he opened her cleft with his thumbs and lapped at her with his tongue; she gave out an open mouthed moan and pressed his head against her mound frantically, desperate for more pressure. Garrett twirled his tongue around her pearl, one hand rose to pinch and twist her nipple between finger and thumb, the other massaged her entrance with his thumb pressing just enough to loosen but not hurt. Merrill clutched at his hair, painfully, and moaned deeply as she came. Garrett caressed her bottom and kissed her belly before sitting back in the tub and pulling her hips down to sit with him.  
Merrill straddled Garrett’s legs and leaned down on his shoulder breathing heavy, “By the Dread Wolf! You’re good at that.”

Garrett laughs, cupping water in his hands to pour down her back, “I cannot wait to show you all my tricks, love.” He pressed his lips to her head tenderly.  
Merrill kissed his shoulder, her lips moving along his chest and she stopped to caress his tattoo with her lips; placing kisses over the pattern that matched hers. Garrett trailed his fingers up and down her back while her fingers caress his thighs, he jumps when her fingers move up and touch his cock. He reached down into the water taking her wrists in his.  
Merrill looks up at Garrett’s face; hurt and confusion mar her features, “Why can’t I touch you?”  
Garrett leans his forehead against hers, “Because, my love, if you keep touching, we won’t be making it to the ritual. Wouldn’t it be a shame to cum this far to blow it now?” He releases her wrists and runs his hands up and down her sides.

Merrill puts a hand over her mouth, leans back and laughs heartily. Garrett laughs too, as he watches her breasts bounce, “Oh that one you got, huh?” Merrill just nods still laughing.  
Garrett stands, pulling her with him, “I think we are clean enough.” He says, lifting her bottom up with his hands so she wraps her legs around his waist, his cock trapped between them. He steps out of the tub and walks towards the bed, stopping half way there.  
He nudges her nose with his, “Mer…I don’t want to hurt you, I can use healing magic, but it is still going to hurt at first.”  
Merrill caresses his cheek with her fingers, “I know vhenan. It is natural and my body is supposed to hurt and bleed for you. I want to feel everything; I want everything to be natural. Not that what we are going to do isn't natural. No magic. Except for the ritual. But you already know that. I’ll shut up now.” She rambles nervously and kisses him. Garrett continues walking and sets her on the bed; crawling over her as she scoots back.  
Garrett sits back on his heels and looks down at her, “You are not scared, my love? There is no going back…” Merrill shakes her head from side to side, a smile on her lips as she reaches out for him.

\--

He pushed her knees out and down until they rested on the bed, exposing her completely. Garrett leaned down and licked her from pucker to pearl, locking eyes on her as she watched and moaned. “You taste so sweet, Mer.” Garrett whispered against her sensitive flesh, smiling as her cheeks reddened and she started panting. He licked her up and down until he felt a surge of wetness come from her; then he raised to his knees gripped his cock and rubbed the head of it up and down her cleft, stopping to circle around her pearl.

“Can you come for me one more time before I fuck you hmmm?” Garrett bounced the bulbous head of his cock against her pearl, he slid his cock up her pelvis and her eyes grew wide at the length compared to her body, it reached up to her shapely belly button. She didn’t think it was going to be possible for him to push all the way in. “Want my mouth love?” he asked Merrill, his voice dark and lustful, licking his lips and pulling his cock back.  
Merrill’s hands grasped handfuls of sheets trying to keep still, “Please…” she begged. Garrett grinned, leaned down, drawing his tongue from her pucker to her pearl again; reveling in the sounds his action were pulling from her. He licked her pearl into his mouth and watched her face as he sucked softly, rhythmically. Her mouth opened and she wailed as her orgasm rolled over her body in waves.

Garrett rose to his knees, rubbed his cock over her entrance, circling and pressing gently, groaning at the tightness; waiting for her to come down before he pushed in. She opened her eyes and looked into his, breathing heavily.

Garrett pushed gently and she winced, he thought of using the oil spell, but she wanted to be natural; she was soaked from her orgasms. “Love. Do you want me to just push in fast, get the pain over? Or do you want me to go slow?” Merrill nodded, “Fast…” she replied and her eyes grew round with fear, making Garrett hesitate; he began stroking her up and down with his cock until her expression softened again. He pushed the head into her before grasping her hips, pulling her to him and thrusting until he was nearly sheathed. He closed his eyes tightly at the initial sensation, he’d waited for this for so long and her tightness was intense, he had to focus or he would come before they even started and ruin everything; but his eyes opened and looked into Merrill’s as she cried out in pain.

He held her hips firmly, pulling her to him as she instinctively tried to scoot back up the bed away from the invasion in her body. She expected pain but this was nothing like she felt before. Her body ached, burned and pinched from the inside as he pushed into her. The throbbing fullness was overwhelming as he stilled and it took all her will to keep her defensive magic restrained. She squeezed her eyes shut tight in concentration as obscene Dalish words fell from her lips.

“Shhhhhh, dove. The worst part is over now”, he wanted to heal her, but wouldn’t because she asked him not to. Garrett whispered soothingly to Merrill, “Do you want me to heal you?” She shook her head vigorously from side to side, pressing her lips together. He fought with the feelings of guilt from causing her this pain and the gratification that no one but he had taken her.  
“Be still a moment.” He pleaded, hissing through clenched teeth, the need to thrust nearly engulfing him as she squirmed. He took measured breaths and waited for her body to soften as she acclimated to him. Her hands began to ease around his wrists and he could feel the muscles in her hips relax. He made little circles on her hip bones with his thumbs, soothing the imprints he had left. Her eyes finally blinked open and met his; he smiled roguishly, the gratification out winning the guilt, raising a hand from her hip to wipe a falling tear from the corner of her eye.

“You okay Mer?” he whispered the concern evident in his voice, despite the smile. Merrill replied with a nod of her head and a hard swallow in her throat. He brushed the side of her face with the back of his hand, “Look down, Vhenan, look where we are joined. You’re so beautiful wrapped around me.”  
Merrill looks down and her eyes grow wide at the sight, “How did you even fit inside me?” she gasped and blushed, shifting her hips upwards; making a moan escape them both.  
Garrett breathed out a short laugh, “I’m made to fit inside you. It won’t hurt like that again.” He whispers, his eyes closing for a moment as the need to pull out and thrust back in become overwhelming. “As in everything, we are made for each other.” he whispers.

“I’m going to start now, okay?” he asked, opening his eyes, gently caressing her from cheek down to her belly. “I’m ready.” Merrill said softly, a hand caressing up and down his arm. His thumb gently whirled around her pearl as he pulled gradually out of her core, his free hand cupping underneath to catch any blood from their connected bodies. He rubbed the blood from his cock into his left hand; this was the hand he always used to cut. With his right he pressed two fingers into Merrill drawing them out and rubbing the blood onto his cupped palm. Merrill raised herself on her elbows to look down and watch, fascination in her eyes, she hissed in pain. He pressed the fingers back inside her and moved them in and out curling them upward to rub her, wanting the pain to turn to pleasure. Garrett bit his bottom lip as she moaned; his cock twitched at the sound, he was using every ounce of restraint to not continue. He pulled out his fingers and added to the collected blood in his palm.  
Merrill reached over and took the dagger into her hand; she sat up and unsheathed it. The dagger was so smooth and shiny that Garrett could see his reflection in it; he held his hand covered in her blood out to her and she tenderly cupped the back of it with her tiny hand. He nodded to her and she ran the sharpened tip over the meaty part of his thumb, without hesitation, where he always cut. He began stirring the blood with his finger and she sheathed the dagger, set it to the side and lay back down on the bed.

Goosebumps rose across her body as he began chanting in Tevene, it was as if it was his native tongue and the words were a song he knew since childhood; she found it beautiful and intoxicating. He was breathtaking and powerful as he leaned over her streaking her face with their shared blood. She could feel his magic pour from him into her and it made her arch her back as he stroked two fingers covered in blood down from her neck to her belly button. She thrust her hips up into his fingers as he stroked a line of blood across a hip; she thrust again, moaning in anticipation when he made the last mark on her hip. She wanted him back inside of her desperately, her hand dropped to her mound and she pressed her fingers against her pearl as she watched and listened to his beautiful voice.

Garrett continued chanting, his breath steady as he stroked his cock, coating it with the remaining blood from his palm; his eyes locked onto her fingers as she swirled them against herself. Merrill pulled her knees back, the way he had them positioned before and he knelt in front of her, pushing his cockhead into her entrance.

Garrett hooked his elbows behind her knees and placed his palms on the bed at her shoulders, restricting the movement of her body. This position raised her hips off the bed and let him keep eye contact as he pushed back into her, hesitating only a moment to groan at the sensation, before continuing the chant; foreign words falling from his mouth. Merrill gripped the bed sheets in her fists and cried out, it still hurt but nowhere near as bad, the stinging was gone now. The throbbing ache of being to full was manageable. Garrett started with soft shallow thrusts moving in and out slowly, watching her eyes carefully as he chanted, and waited for the pain to turn to pleasure. He wanted to ask if she was okay, but couldn't break the chant. When it did, he smiled in satisfaction and lowered his mouth to hers and whispered the chant on her lips tenderly, sucking in her breath as she moaned and pushed her hips up to meet his.

Garrett increased the speed of his thrusts and pushed in deeper each time, he could feel himself getting close and he chanted louder and faster in rhythm with the words flowing from his lips. He looked into Merrill’s eyes, pleading wordlessly for her to come before he did; his plea lost on her. He reached a hand down between them and pressed his thumb onto her pearl, circling madly as he thrust harder into her, the chanting falling from his lips in a hurried pant. He thrust into her one last time, sheathing himself completely and holding inside as he spurted streams of life inside her; he pushed down on her pearl with this thumb and that sent her over the edge; he could feel her pulse around him, her body drawing his cum deep inside her. The final words of the ritual fell from his mouth and he kissed her tenderly, falling to his elbows beside her shoulders keeping his cock inside her as he softened.

Garrett’s breath was slowing down after some time and he pulled out of her with a wince. Merrill’s eyebrows furrowed and she squeezed his arms as he did. “You okay love?” Garrett asked, laying beside her and resting his head on his hand.  
“So much more than okay vhenan. I love you.” Merrill smiled and rolled over to snuggle into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and laid his head on the bed falling asleep within moments. Merrill listened to his breathing and tried to fall asleep but was very thirsty, she had planned everything but had no idea she would be this thirsty and didn't think to bring something up. She waited until his breath was steady and he was deep asleep before crawling out from under his embrace.

She softly crawled out of bed, stopping to clean herself with the white towel and walked to the door where his tunic and smalls lay. She pulled them on and quietly unlocked the door, opening it without sound and slipped out into the hallway.  
She crept down the stairs in awe of the soreness between her thighs, she had always wondered what sex would feel like and had never imagined how good it was. She blushed and covered her mouth with her hand as she felt the burn of need grow in her belly and bloom outwards as her mind churned images of Garrett giving her pleasure again. She continued following the hallway that led to the kitchen, and walked to the back of the room where the mugs and cups were neatly lined up on a shelf. She turned and jumped as she saw Leandra leaning against a cupboard dropping the metallic mug, it made a loud clang as it hit the floor. Leandra looked at the blood streaking Merrill’s face and screamed, her hands waving in the air frantically. Merrill screamed too, not realizing what Leandra was seeing and Mercy came barreling into the kitchen barking and ready to fight; the hair on her back and neck standing straight up. They both stopped screaming and turned to the doorway when they heard thumping and running coming down the stairs.

Garrett barreled into the kitchen, trousers unlaced, hair tousled and blood spattering his hands. Both his hands lit with magic ready to fight, “Where is it! What’s going on?” he yelled in confusion looking everywhere in the kitchen even the ceiling. Mercy stood behind Garrett’s legs facing the opposite direction, fangs bared and ready to rip anything apart at his command. He watched dumbly as his mother ran to Merrill and embraced her. “Why were you screaming?” He asked incredulously. Leandra wailed and sobbed and squeezed Merrill tightly.  
“I don’t know. I dropped the mug and she started screamed at me. I am so sorry Leandra, was it a very special mug?” Merrill said softly patting Leandra’s back her eyes round with concern, she pleaded silently for Garrett to help.

Garrett dropped the magic from his hands and scratched Mercy on the back of her ear to calm her. He walked towards his mother and placed a hand on her shoulder, shrugging at Merrill, as she sobbed, “Maker! Mother are you okay? What’s happened?” he asked softly, confused.  
Leandra pulled back abruptly and spun around to wrap her arms around her son and wail into his shoulder. Garrett furrowed his eyebrows and rocked his mother from side to side making shushing noises into her hair, “It’s going to be okay Mama. Everything is okay.” He whispered soothingly rubbing her back soothingly, not knowing what else to do.

Leandra sniffled and laughed, pulling herself away from Garrett, “No son! It’s not going to be okay! It’s going to be wonderful!” she yelled happily and clapped her hands.  
Garrett cocked his head sideways at her, raising an eyebrow in question and Merrill turned to get the water she came for, thinking this was a normal human custom.  
“Mother, what’s going on?” Garrett asked reaching out for her, but she was already dashing out for Merrill. She wrapped her arms around Merrill, pinning her arms to her side, making her drop her cup of water onto the floor with a clang and splash; before she even got to take a sip.

“Babies!” Leandra cried out sobbing into Merrill’s back. Garrett raised his hands and ran them through his hair as Merrill looked over her shoulder at him, her mouth agape.  
Garrett laughed nervously, “Shit…” he swore under his breath, gesturing to the bridge of his nose in a swipe and raising his eyebrows at Merrill, her blood swipe was still on her face; the rest covered by his tunic.  
Merrill laughed too, “Oh! I didn’t think. Sorry Leandra. I just needed some water and rushed down.”  
Leandra pulled away and spun Merrill around to face her, “No need to apologize dear. Sit, I’ll get you some water? Are you hungry? You should eat more, now that you are carrying my grandchild.” she fussed, holding Merrill’s elbow as she guided her into a chair, as if she were injured.

Garrett blinks at his mother, crosses his arms over his chest and shrugs at Merrill. Merrill smiles at him and rests a hand on her flat belly, “Thank you. Yes I could eat a little something.”  
Garrett walks over to her and crouches in front of her, placing a hand on top of hers rubbing circles on her belly with his thumb; before leaning in and placing a chaste kiss on her sweet lips. Leandra started wailing again at the sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Alone in the Dark” - Flaer Smin


	12. "Roads"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is complicated ... It takes and gives on a whim.

\--

Garrett’s eyes and nose burned, the smoke from the pyre rolled over him as the breeze shifted off the coast to blow onshore. He wrapped his arm tighter around Merrill’s shoulder protectively, pulling her face into his chest. He felt the warmth of Ander’s strong hand through his thin shirt, knowing he placed it there to let him know he was not alone. He listened obediently as the Chantry mother spoke, “Though stung with a hundred arrows, though suffering from ailments both great and small, His Heart was strong, and he moved on. The deep dark before dawn's first light seems eternal, But know that the sun always rises. Though the lands suffer a thousand wrongs, The Maker yet notices the smallest of deeds.”

He heard the words, knew what they meant, even believed them at times but as he watched his mothers desecrated body burn to ashes before him he stared blankly ahead; numb. “Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the Maker be my guide. I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Beyond. For there is no darkness in the Maker's Light and nothing that He has wrought shall be lost.” The Chantry mother preached over to the crowd that had assembled to lay Leandra to rest. Many stood behind Garrett and his companions, all touched by her kindness in one way or another. There were three souls, almost four in just a few weeks, left in this world that he was now tied to; they were his family. Even so, it all felt wrong somehow; as if he were in the fade…she couldn’t be gone.

Varric stood with Merrill’s hand in his, tears flowed freely down his face as he looked up at Garrett’s solemn face. His arm stretched behind Merrill and rested on Garrett’s lower back. Ander’s stood on Garrett’s other side, his hand reassuring him as it gripped his shoulder; he was enveloped in the strength and love of his friends. Varric’s heart hurt for his loss and he wished there was something he could do to ease his pain, but knew there wouldn’t be anything that he could do to fix this. He remembered the first time he met Leandra; Garrett had brought him to his uncle's house to introduce them shortly after they had first met.

_Garrett introduced, “Mother, this is Varric Tethras. Varric … mother.” He rushed and pushed Varric towards a pulled out chair by the table before disappearing behind a door. Varric shrugged and laughed shyly up at the older woman. “A pleasure.” Varric beamed and extended his hand, kissing the back of hers as she placed her small hand in his. He smirked up at her, his eyes sparkling with mischief as he watched her pale cheeks flush with color from the gesture._  
_“Master Tethras, care for some tea?” Leandra offered and gestured for him to sit down at the table. Varric pulled Bianca off his back and propped it against a table leg, an arm’s reach away._  
_“That would be lovely, thank you. And please, just Varric.” He declared, scooting the chair closer to the end of the table before he sat on it and watched as Leandra gathered various things used for proper tea and set them on the table before him._

_“So tell me, Varric.” Leandra said with a bright smile as she said his name, “Do you ever wish you lived in Orzammar?”_  
_“Great Ancestors, no! You know what Orzammar is?” Varric asked and nodded in thanks as she set a cup and saucer in front of him, “It’s cramped tunnels, filled with nug…errr crap and body-odor.” He blurted as Leandra set a box of tea herbs and a pot of honey in front of him._  
_“You don’t say?” Leandra asked her face filled with fascination as she turned to take the tea kettle off the hearth._

_“And every person there thinks he’s better than you because his great-great-great grandfather made a water-clock or something.” Varric ranted as he pinched herbs and dropped them into his mug, moving on to add several spoonfuls of honey._  
_“But they’re your people. Don’t you ever wonder what it would be like?” Leandra questioned as she poured hot water into his mug and then to hers._  
_“I have a good imagination. Why would I waste it on that?” Varric said, stirring his tea with a tiny spoon, his pinky up. “Besides, I seem to have the ability to acquire people who are more…my people than any dwarf in Orzammar could wish to be. Like Garrett and Daisy.” He smiled and winked at Leandra as she made her tea and returned his smile._  
_Leandra cupped her hands around her steaming mug and smiled at Varric, “Your family used to be noble, right?” she asked before sipping her weakly brewed tea._  
_“By some definition of the term.” Varric replied._  
_“Do you ever wonder what your life would have been like, if you were still nobles?” Leandra asked her smile wistful._

_“Momma Hawke, nobility is just an expensive lifestyle. I’ve already got one of those.” Varric chuckled and pulled apart the bread Leandra had set in front of him on a lacey napkin. He popped a piece in his mouth and his eyes widened in surprise at how flavorful the heavy bread tasted._  
_Leandra nodded in agreement, “Nobles have power, too. And responsibilities.”_  
_Varric washed the tasty morsel of bread down with a sip of extra sweet tea, “estates, servants, investments, mercenaries, assassins? We’ve still got all those things.” He replied with a chuckle. “It’s sunnier here, and nobody calls me my lord. I think I can live with that.”_  
_Leandra hummed in reply as she sipped her tea. Varric pulled apart his bread and with a mouthful of it asked, “What is this? It’s fantastic! How much for the recipe?_ ”  
_Leandra laughed and reached across the table to pat the back of Varric’s hand softly, “Dear, that is something that I could never sell. It is a Ferelden recipe. I will make you all you can eat, just ask.” Varric smiled at Leandra and knew that she was one of his now, right along with her son._

“I am not alone. Even As I stumble on the path with my eyes closed, yet I see The Light is here. Draw your last breath, my friends. Cross the Veil and the Fade and all the stars in the sky. Rest at the Maker's right hand, and be forgiven.” The Chantry mother sullenly recited, bringing the funeral to a close.

Merrill rested her free hand atop her swollen belly, rubbing as the baby inside kicked her softly. Garrett rubbed her shoulder with his thumb and Varric squeezed her hand softly as they all watched the body of Leandra turn to ash before them. She sniffled as a new wave of grief washed over her and tears began to spill down her cheeks once again. Realization sunk into her that Leandra would never meet the child that moved within her and she knew how much she anticipated the day she would hold her grandchild. Merrill released Varric’s hand, turned into Garrett’s side and sobbed.

Garrett caressed her back and made soothing shushing sounds into her hair, he pressed her body close to him; her belly pressing into him. He could feel his child move against him, they’re clothing thin and unarmored in funeral attire; his hand moved to rub and sooth his unborn child. He was saddened that his mother would never see it be born; she wanted this child in her life just as much he did.

_Her blue eyes were filled with worry as she turned her head to look at her son. There was a dark tint that highlighted the fine lines underneath her eyes, from lack of sleep, enhancing her age. Garrett sighed wishing he could have done more to bring her the happiness she deserved. He remembered a time when those lines were not so prominent but his father and sister lived then and there were far less to worry about. Leandra smiled and reached for her eldest son’s hand, the smile not reaching her eyes._

_“What is it Garrett? Nervous about your trip to Vimmark tomorrow?” Leaning forward, his forearms on his knees he took his mothers small hand in his and ran his thumbs over her worn knuckles._  
_“Mother I need a favor from you, while I am away.” He looked up at her with a nervous smile._  
_“Anything you need, of course Garret.” Leandra said placing her idle hand on top of her sons._  
_“I need you to watch over Merrill for me. I don’t want to leave her alone, especially since she’s expecting. But this is something I have to do, for me and Carver...and Bethy” Garrett pleaded._  
_Leandra’s smile reached her eyes this time, her hand raised to caress her son’s cheek with the tenderness of a mother._

_“She’s grown on you hasn’t she? Beyond just what the Grandfather wants from you.”  
Hawke closed his eyes and swallowed hard, leaning into his mother’s hand. He couldn’t remember how long it had been since she had touched him like this. It was before Lothering, that he was sure of._

_“Yes. She has.” He looked into his mother's eyes and saw the softness there and wished he could paint her just as she was now. This was the mother he knew, this was what he missed. This was the mother they had, before they lost father and Bethany. He hadn’t realized how much he missed her until this very moment. Merrill had brought his mother back to him by mere mention of her name. If he could fall anymore in love with her, for this moment alone, he was sure his heart would ignite in his chest. Garrets eyes glistened with the emotion he felt, for his mother, for Merrill._

_“I love her, mother. She’s…I want to…” He didn’t know how to express how serious he was about her. Telling his mother that he loved her so deeply that he would burn the world and leave the ashes at her feet wasn’t something he should probably say out loud. “Mother, I want to marry her.” He said quickly above his mothers shoulder._

_Leandra’s breath caught in her throat in surprise and she raised her sons chin up so she could look into his face. Her eyes widened as she saw how serious her eldest was, “Maker! Truly?” She said barely said above a whisper her eyes searching Garrets. He nodded in determination. She wrapped her arms around her son’s shoulders and hugged him tightly to her. “I’m so happy for you my boy she is a lovely girl. I bet she will give you many children!”_

_Garrett’s eyes squeezed shut as his arms wrapped around his mother. The tears fell softly as the closeness of his mother and the overwhelming love he felt for Merrill spilled out. He breathed in the scent of his mother’s hair, familiar and soothing. “I’m not sure I deserve her, but I will spend my life trying to.”_

_His body shook gently as his mother laughed and pulled him back to look into his face. She placed both hands on his cheeks and wiped the tears from his face with her thumbs. “I love you so much, you know that my boy. You deserve everything. I will watch over Merrill and my grandchild don’t you worry.”_

_Leandra reluctantly let go of her son and stepped away. She clapped her hands together softly and bounced gracefully on the balls of her feet as she exclaimed, “Grandchildren! Maker, finally!”_  
_Garrett smiled down at his mother. “Thank you mother.” He kissed the top of her head and laughed happily._

The crowd had dissipated long ago and it was just the four of them standing in an embrace as the pyre for Leandra was now nothing but embers and ash. Garrett released his hold on Merrill’s shoulders and the hand that clung to Anders’s hand to step forward to the remnants of his mother. He crouched down and scooped a handful of ash from the ground, he watched as the ash trickled down from his fingers into the silk pouch he had opened. This was all that was left of his mother, he was alone now. His mind was blank and dull, emotionless at the thought.

He stood, turned toward Merrill and his friends, smiling despite his sadness at the sight. Ander’s had taken his place. He had his arm draped over her shoulder, his other hand rested on her belly protectively. Varric had an arm draped behind her and held her hand in his, his head rested against her shoulder. Garrett walked towards them, tucked the pouch of his mother’s ashes in his pocket, and extended his arms around all three of them. “I love you three more than I can say. Thank you for being here.” Garrett whispered to them, not knowing what else to say.

Anders kissed Garrett’s temple, “I know nothing I say will change it. I’m just…I’m sorry.” He pulls back and runs his hand up and down Garrett’s arm soothingly, “You were lucky to have her as long as you did. When the pain fades, that’s what will matter.”  
Garrett nodded and replied without emotion, “I appreciate it, Anders.”  
“Ir abelas, ma vhenan.” Merrill cajoled, “Leandra is in a better place now.” She wrapped her arms around Garrett’s waist. Varric mimicked Ander’s and ran his hand up and down Garrett’s arm, consoling him. “She’s with the Maker.” Garrett said flatly. “Or with Falon’din. You never know.” Merrill revealed with a slight smile upturning her lips sweetly. Garrett pressed his lips to hers chastely before kissing the top of Varric’s head and Ander’s forehead.  
“Let’s go home.” Garrett declared and tucked Merrill back into his side protectively before heading back towards the city that was his mother’s childhood home.

\--

There was so much blood, it was making him panicky; being a blood mage that was not supposed to happen, he was used to it. “Okay just one more! You can do this sweetheart okay?” Anders called out from between her legs. Garrett scrunched his eyes shut as she screamed, “I can’t! please….i can’t.” she cried out weakly. Garrett had watched helplessly as she struggled for hours.  
“Garrett!” Anders shouted making Garrett pop open his eyes again, they were wide with fear as they stared into Anders red rimmed eyes, “Garrett, she needs to push. Help her now. The baby is almost here.” he said lowering his voice and speaking calmly.

Garrett turned, rubbed the sweat from Merrill’s brow with his palm and smiled into her face filled with pain, “Love, you need to push okay. You are doing so good, you’re almost done.” He cooed at her, she shook her head weakly back and forth; mumbling “no.” under her breath. Garrett released his hand from hers and caressed her face tenderly pushing healing magic into her. “Yes you can Vhenan. You’re so brave. Our child wants to meet us! Come on love, deep breath and push for Anders, okay?” Garrett pleaded his voice soft and full of encouragement. Merrill nodded and breathed deeply, squeezed her eyes shut and pushed down hard, gripping Garrett’s hand and crushing it in hers. She screamed briefly and fell back to the bed shaky, as the sounds of Garrett’s child’s first cry filled the room.

Anders held the child up above Merrills legs in both hands as it wailed, letting the world know it was here. Anders smiled at Garrett and gestured with his head for him to come to his side, “Come meet your son Garrett.” He announced as Merrill and Garrett looked at each other and started to cry tears of happiness. Merrill nodded to Garrett and he took the few steps down the bed to stand next to Anders who held out his son to him.

Garrett took him in both hands and brought him close to his chest, careful not to tangle or pull on the still attached cord. His hands lit up blue with healing and warmth as he cradled his son to his chest, calming him and stopping the wailing. “Want to cut him free?” Anders asked raising a pair of shears up for Garrett to reach. “Mer?” Garrett looked up at her and she smiled and looked to Anders, they had discussed this before and wanted him to be the one to do it. “Anders. Please you do the honor.” Anders blinked in surprise and smiled back as he quickly clamped and cut the baby free. Garrett carried the baby over to Merrill and laid him gently on his mother’s chest, kissing her tenderly as she held her son for the first time. She positioned her son to her breast and they both looked down in awe as their son rooted around before suckling onto her greedily.  
Garrett laughed and laid on his side next to Merrill cradling her head under his arm, “He’s hungry! Look at him go.” he beamed, his eyes filled with wonder. Ander’s looked up and grinned at the sight, pulling a sheet down Merrill’s legs for modesty. He stood washed his hands in a basin and turned to walk out the door, leaving them to their bliss.

“Where are you going lethallin?” Merrill asked with a whisper, not wanting to startle her son.  
“I uh…I was just going to give you two some space…to do the…” Anders explained, drying his hands on the towel he carried in his hands.  
“Come here.” Garrett interrupted with a sigh, extending his arm out over Merrill and his son, offering his hand to Anders.

Anders walked over to the empty side of Merrill and sat down on the bed facing them. “Merrill, you did so well sweetheart.” he cooed and smiled, wrapped the towel around his index finger and began wiping the babies face and hair gently and slowly. “Look at all that hair!” He whispered as he stroked the boys head making his thick black hair stand up, a giggle escaped him and he looked up to both Merrill and Garrett smiling at him. “He’s beautiful. What is his name?” He asked, pulling his eyes away from Garrett’s and focusing back onto the baby.

“Malcolm.” Garrett replied full of pride and ran a finger over the clean patch of hair on the baby’s head. Anders pulled the towel off his finger and rewrapped it with a clean spot, continuing to clean the baby.  
“We wanted to ask…” Merrill whispered, her voice wavering as she looked to Garrett. Ander’s looked up at her with a smile, “…ask away.” Anders snorted, expecting her to ask a parenting question, he stopped cleaning the babies face and set the towel on the bed.  
“Will you … Anders will you do us the honor and be Malcolm’s guardian?” Garrett asked clearing his throat before he spoke, emotion filling his voice and making it waver as he looked into Ander’s eyes. His hand moved from his son to take Anders hand in his where he held it, Merrill settled hers on top of theirs and caressed them both with her fingers.

Anders’s mouth fell open as his eyes bounced from their faces in astonishment, “I uh..yeah, I mean, yes. Yeah. Yes!” He replied laughing loudly and set his hand on top of Merrill’s. He leaned down and kissed Malcolm’s cheek, shutting his eyes as they filled with overwhelming love and happiness. He cried as his lips sat softly on the baby’s soft cheek, tears spilling from his face and running onto the newborn. He had never believed his life would grant him this kind of joy and it overwhelmed him. Being a guardian was equal to being a parent and Anders had never thought in a million years he would ever be granted the opportunity to be either. Garrett ran his hand through Anders blonde hair lovingly and sniffed as he too was filled with emotion.

Merrill tipped Anders face up so she could look him in the eye. She smiled saying, “Whatever we were before, we are now family lethallin. Always and always.”, she began, speaking softly as her thumb caressed the tears from his cheek. “Malcolm will be like us one day, a mage, and if he's anything like his father a powerful one. He will need all the protection and guidance we can give him because he will never be taken from us and sealed away in a tower like they did to you. Never. Dread wolf take any who tries.” Merrill cooed, her eyes growing dark and serious as she talked about the dread wolf.

Anders sniffed and straightened, “On my life, I swear to you both I will never let that happen.” He laid a hand protectively on Malcolm’s naked back. He looked up to Garrett’s face and closed his eyes for moment, reining in his emotions. When he opened them Garrett saw the tenacious and unflinching will that was Anders. He nodded at Anders and squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, “We couldn’t place him in better hands.” Garrett assured. 

Anders backed off the bed and laid the towel over Malcolm, “I will be right back.” He said before standing and leaving the room.  
Garrett stood as well and took a blanket off of the desk by the door and cast warmth in his hands as he held it close. He sat back on the bed and pulled Merrill gently up and into his embrace, wrapping the warm blanket around the three of them. Merrill gathered her son and cradled him in her arms, turning him to face Garrett.

Garrett stared into Merrill’s face, his eyes wandering over her features; he never knew this kind of love existed and was amazed by it. Merrill looked down into their sons face and sang sweetly in her native tongue, “Elgara vallas, da'len Melava somniar Mala taren aravas Ara ma'desen melar Iras ma ghilas, da'len Ara ma'nedan ashir Dirthara lothlenan'as Bal emma mala dir Tel'enfenim, da'len Irassal ma ghilas Ma garas mir renan Ara ma'athlan vhenas Ara ma'athlan vhenas”  
Garrett’s hand caressed his son’s tiny head tenderly, stroking the black hair that covered it; it reminded him of his mother singing to Carver and Bethany when they were babies. Bittersweet emotion filled him and asked in a whisper, “You are so beautiful. You should sing more often. What does that mean, Dove?”  
Merrill nuzzled deeper into Garrett’s side as she cradled her son as he slept in her arms. “It is a Dalish lullaby, Vhenan. I will teach it to you in both Dalish and common.” She whispered sleepily before beginning to sing in common, “Sun sets, little one, time to dream your mind journeys, but I will hold you here. Where will you go, little one Lost to me in sleep? Seek truth in a forgotten land deep within your heart. Never fear, little one, wherever you shall go. Follow my voice--I will call you home. I will call you home.” Garrett held them in his arms as they slept feeling full to bursting with love.

Anders returned to the room moments later carrying a covered tray of food. He set it on the desk and walked back to the end of the bed and removed some soiled towels from under Merrill and replaced them with fresh clean ones. His hands lit up with magic as he sent waves of healing into Merrill. He nodded to Garrett, letting him know all was well as he watched with concern, before sitting on the side of the bed; Garrett pulled the blanket back as an offer for him to join them. Anders did not hesitate and crawled in alongside Merrill careful not to bounce the bed and disturb them, wrapping his arm around her and resting it on Garrett’s back. He kissed her temple before lowering his head to kiss Malcolm’s hair, breathing in the sweet scent of him. He looked up into Garrett’s eyes searching his; Garrett leaned forward and kissed Anders tenderly on the lips. When Anders pulled back from Garrett’s lips he looked down at Merrill smiling up at them sweetly before closing her eyes and falling back to sleep in their arms; all of them feeling warm and protected.

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vhenan: heart  
> Ir abelas, ma vhenan: I am filled with sorrow for your loss, my heart.  
> Lethallin: Casual reference used for someone with whom one is familiar.
> 
> “Roads” - Portishead


	13. "One Step Closer"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We skip ahead a little bit and things get ... interesting.

\--

Time flies when you’re killing bad guys, Garrett remembered his father telling him that when he was young. It wasn’t until recently that he understood. “Anders! Shit, get him, quick!” He yelled and ran down the hall in his socks, slipping and falling to his butt with a loud thump. Anders ran past Garrett, “Watch your language! Maker! It’s fast!” Anders yelled bolting around the corner and shrieking at what he saw there. He turned and ran back up the hall and past Garrett who was now lying on the floor staring up at the ceiling his hands covered over his mouth as his face turned red.  
“Run! It’s coming!” Anders shouted and hid behind the banister waving his hands at Sandal to hide too. Sandal hopped up and down, clapping his hands excitedly. Sandal was a dead man if the monster were to get him.

“Oh no!” Garrett shrieked and dramatically tried to crawl on his stomach to where Anders hid. “I. Won't. Make. It!” Garrett yelled as the monster barreled up the hallway behind him growling fiercely. Anders extended his arm through the balusters of the staircase out to Garrett, “Brother! NOOOOO!” he yelled as the monster jumped on Garrett’s back and began biting him on the neck.

Garrett fell face first to the floor, his body twitching and then went still, “Oh no! Y-you got him!” Anders cried out at the carnage. The monster roared and leapt off of Garrett’s back to attack its next victim, Anders. The monster had his arms extended as he growled viciously, coming closer to Anders; before being swept up in the air, a shriek falling from his drooling lips.  
“Haha! I caught you!” Garrett hollered and spun his little two year old monster around in circles and tossed him in the air playfully, his thick black hair sticking up messily. Malcolm squealed and laughed as Garrett flung him down to his chest and nibbled on his neck making loud gobbling noises.

“Papa no!” Malcolm babbled between giggles, his green eyes lit up with mischief, “You not monster! I monster!” he howled.  
“Is that so?” Garrett laughed and set his son down on the floor and flopped down on the last stair of the staircase, grabbing him as he tried to run away. He lifted his son on his knee and Anders came to sit next to them, laughing happily. Sandal had wandered back to what he was doing.  
Garrett leaned over and kissed Anders’s hair, he loved how much Malcolm made him light up; he’d never seen the happiness in Anders until Malcolm was born. “Mama will be home soon, we better get to bed. Don’t you think so?” Garrett asked his son as he bounced him gently on his knee.

“Okay.” Malcolm mumbled and reached out to Anders as Garrett lifted him up and held him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Anders held his hand out and Malcolm grasped his fingers as Anders followed them up the stairs.  
Garrett hoisted Malcolm up into the air and made a dragon noise before gently crashing him into the center of the bed. “All monsters have to sleep you know!” He said and flopped on the bed next to his son making him laugh as he bounced. Garrett pulled the blankets down and Malcolm scuttled down below them, reaching his hand up for Anders. Garrett smiled and kissed his son’s forehead, pushing his messy hair back with his hand. Anders kicked off his slippers and crawled under the covers with them, kissing Malcolm all over his face dramatically; making him squeal and giggle. Garrett mocked Anders and started to kiss his face all over too, making sure to make sloppy kissing sounds.

“What is going on in here?” Merrill bleated at the doorway to the bedroom her fists on her hips. “Mama!” Garrett, Anders and Malcolm all yelled in unison and reached out for her. She laughed and ran to the edge of the bed and leapt up on it making them all bounce, before falling down to the bed and joined in the obnoxious kissing of Anders. Even Malcolm had turned on his sworn protector and kissed him all over his face and head, laughing hysterically.

“Okay! Okay!” Anders shrieked and pushed them off gently, his stomach muscles ached from all the laughter; the crows feet on the corner of his eyes became pronounced as he grinned happily down at the people he loved most in all the world. Garrett gripped Merrill around the waist and pulled her back to his front, spooning her. “Sing for us, Dove?” he whispered in her ear.  
“Yeah, mama, sing!” Malcolm begged and turned on his side facing his parents, Anders snuggled up to his back. Anders leaned over and kissed Merrill chastely on the lips, “Please. We all love it when you do.”

Merrill smiled warmly and moved Anders stray hair from his face with her finger, “Okay.” she says. Anders grinned and scooted under the blanket, tucking it under Malcolm’s arm; tugging on his wrist weakly to pull his thumb out of his mouth. Malcolm gave a sound of protest making Anders shrug and stop trying to stop him from sucking his thumb, laying his head near his; breathing in the comforting smell of the boys hair.

Merrill’s voice filled the silence as she sung the familiar lullaby in Dalish then repeated it in the common tongue, “Sun sets, little one, time to dream your mind journeys, but I will hold you here. Where will you go, little one Lost to me in sleep? Seek truth in a forgotten land deep within your heart. Never fear, little one, wherever you shall go. Follow my voice--I will call you home. I will call you home.” Her fingertips grazed the side of Malcolm head, brushing his hair softly behind his ear, soothing him as he sucked on his thumb in complete contentment; her green eyes looking into her son’s eyes that mirrored her own.  
The three watched as Malcolm’s eyes closed sleepily and his hand went limp, thumb falling from his mouth as he fell to sleep.  
“I love you.” Garrett whispered. “Love you.” Anders replied as Merrill turned her head to look into Garrett’s face, “Ar lath ma, vhenan.” She breathed into his lips before he covered her mouth with his.

“I’ll take him to his room.” Anders whispered, a soft smile forming on his lips at the sight. He moved to pick up Malcolm’s sleeping form gently without jostling him. “Goodnight.” He said with a wink at the two, as he tiptoed to the doorway.  
“Come back.” Merrill whispered.  
Anders turned and looked at them both, “Uh…you sure?” he asked with hesitation, it had been nearly a year since he was invited to their bed; they had been trying for another child. He had told them it didn’t matter, he was a Grey Warden and that meant he couldn’t get anyone pregnant; because of the taint that coursed through his blood. Garrett and Merrill needed to be on their own, Anders knew and respected that; never questioning them. Garrett smirked and nodded before leaning down to ravish his lips against his beloved’s neck. “Yes…” Merrill replied with a soft moan flowing from her lips, her hands tugging off Garrett’s tunic.

Anders carried Malcolm to the next room and lay him down in the middle of his bed. He pulled the covers up under his arm and smiled down at him as he sucked his thumb. Ander’s loved Malcolm as if he was his own child. His heart was bursting with love for the child as he kissed his forehead goodnight. He heard the familiar tck tck tck of Mercy’s nails against the wood floor and looked up as she padded her way into the room. She hopped up on the bottom of the bed, walked in several circles and flopped down with a grunt. Anders patted her on the head, “Have a goodnight Mercy.” He cooed as he walked out the door, pulling his tunic up over his head as he reached the hall, “I know I will.” He whispered to no one and began unlacing his breeches as he walked into Garrett’s room shutting the door behind him with his foot.

\--

The three of them had agreed early on that one of them must always stay with Malcolm. Unless it was a safe mission that Garrett could bring a baby on, which was rare, then they never ventured out together. Today was going to be difficult and he did not want either Merrill or Anders to come, it was too dangerous. Anders insisted however and so he let him come along with Fenris and Varric to see Viscount Dumar about the Qunari. The Qunari were becoming a serious problem and it made Garrett very nervous. On more than one occasion he had planned to send Merrill and Malcolm out of the city secretly because he feared an up rise from them. It was either noxious gas, missing Qunari or rogue chantry mothers wanting to teach them a lesson; it was getting old, fast.

Today looked like it was going to be one of those days where he needed to set that plan in motion. The three of them along with Varric, had set up an escape plan to flee the city at anytime. Anders, Merrill and Malcolm would take a boat and head to a little village near Ostwick where Garrett had set his cousin, Charade, up with a nice home; as well as a false identity. Garrett or Varric, depending on the situation, would meet them there when they could.

Viscount Dumar did not great him as he usually did, just began ranting, “It is apparently not enough that the Qunari define my political life. They must also infect what I hold personal. It is my son, Seamus.” The older man continued his voice strong and commanding. “The life you saved, he would now squander by converting to the Qun. He has left for the Qunari Compound. Please, Serah Hawke. Convince Saemus to come home.” Viscount Dumar pleaded.

Garrett turned his head and looked at Anders who took a step closer, his eyes furrowed and dark with alarm; saying without a word that this was going to be trouble. Garrett wanted to pull him to his chest and kiss him fiercely, until his expression turned into something other than worry. He turned his attention back to the task at hand, getting more information from the Viscount before traipsing around Kirkwall and trying not to get him and his group killed by an overgrown surly Qunari. Garrett shook his head and sighed in annoyance, “The Arishok says nothing good about Kirkwall, yet he accepts conversion?”

“I cannot understand him—Maker knows I’ve tried but he landed with, what, a few hundred men?” Viscount Dumar raised his hand and rubbed it down his face wearily before he continued, “Add up the deaths and defections and the Arishok must need to bolster his ranks. I’m sure my son is quite the symbolic prize.”  
Garrett crossed his arms over his chest, cocking his head to the side in question, “He is of age. The decision seems rightly his.”

“I want to let him find his way, but in my position…” the Viscount admits, “He’s taken a great deal of inspiration from you. I want to allow his idealism, but not blindly. At best, my opponents will claim that my office is now in Qunari hands. At worst…I lose my son.”  
Garrett nods, he could not imagine loosing Malcolm and felt pity for the viscount. “Did anyone else see him leaving for the compound?”  
Viscount Dumar nodded in frustration, “He made no secret of it. I’m sure he intended it as another of his statements about closer relations. Your example inspired him. I might agree, but now is not the time. These matters are…delicate.”

“He’s politically dangerous, you mean.” Garrett said with a smirk.  
“The office must remain strong, Serah Hawke.”The viscount debated.  
Garrett cursed under his breath, shaking his head, “You know this will only end in trouble.”  
“Fitting, that’s where it started.” The viscount fired back, “My son is not foolish. He will listen to reason. And you are in the best position to offer that opportunity. Please, do what you can”

Garrett nodded and turned to leave, tugging on Anders sleeve. They left the Viscount’s keep quickly and Garrett stopped in front of an ally, pulling Anders down it by his hand. “Anders, you have to get them out. This is going to be bad.” Garrett pleaded gripping Anders by the forearms as Varric and Fenris stood watch at the opening of the ally.  
“I can’t leave you, not now! This is going to end badly Garrett, you need me!” Anders exclaimed, his eyes wide with panic.  
Garrett wrapped his arms around Anders and pulled him in a tight embrace, nuzzling his neck and breathing in his intoxicating scent, “You must protect Malcolm, love. I cannot. Please…”  
Garrett begged in a whispered voice muffled by Anders neck. Anders pulled back and brought his mouth to Garrett’s in a hungry kiss, trying to push all of his emotion into it. Garrett pulled back abruptly, searching Anders’s eyes, “Please…I ne…”  
Anders pushed his mouth against Garrett’s, biting and bruising his lips with his heated kiss before pulling away and stepping towards the ally exit.

“Meet us at the docks, within the hour.” He rushed, his voice rough. He did not want to leave Garrett, but the moment he accepted the role of Malcolm’s guardian everything changed and the boy had become priority above all else, even his own life.  
Garrett ran towards Varric and Fenris, “This is going to be bad. We geared for this?” he asked.  
“Not really.” Varric exclaimed, setting Bianca back into its holster on his back, nodding to Anders as he disappeared around a corner. “We need backup, chuckles.”

Fenris nodded in agreement, “Aveline is right here, she could be convinced to come.”  
Garrett shook his head in disagreement, “If things go south, the city will need her. Isa’s out of the question, Qunari creeps her out or something. Let’s go get Sebastian…” Varric and Fenris sighed, disgruntled at the idea, “Like we have a choice! Shit! Let’s just go grab Aveline.” Garrett fumed, flinging his arms in the air, frustrated at his lack of options. Sebastian was a good man, Garrett even liked him but when difficult choices had to be made Sebastian was always the one to protest and cause bigger problems.

They met Anders, Merrill and Malcolm at the docks. Garrett kissed them all with love and promised Malcolm that he would show him how to build a toy boat like the one he was going to ride on, when they got back. He watched and waved as the boat drifted out of the bay, Malcolm waving happily at him as they went, from atop Anders shoulders. Garrett laughed at his excitement and wished he could go with them, he smiled sadly as Anders wrapped his arm around Merrill’s shoulder as she tucked her face into his side; she was crying and was trying to hide her tears. Garrett sighed and turned to Fenris and Varric, “Let’s get this over with. The sooner we deal with this, the sooner I can get my family back.” he said with anger as they walked toward the Qunari compound.

\--

“Serah Hawke.” The Arishok greeted sitting on his massive throne.  
“I am here about the viscount’s son.” Garrett blurted his voice deep and rough with frustration and anger at the situation.  
Arishok leaned forward, placing his massive hands on his knees, “Are you?” He growled out. “In four years I have made no threat, and fanatics have lined up to hate us simply because we exist. But despite lies and fear, bas still beg me to let them come to the Qun. They hunger for purpose. The son has made a choice. You will not deny him that.”  
Garrett nodded, his anger fading as he listened to the Arishok, before replying, “Converting the viscount’s son...his opposition will have a field day.”  
“And?” The Arishok stated.  
Garrett quickly responded, he gestured with his hands, “The enemy of your enemy should be your friend?”  
“I don’t fear the whole of them together, and it is not my role to reject the free choice of Viddathari.” The Arishok explained calmly, “The son responded to this own demand of the Qun. He is neither my slave nor my prisoner. He is not even here. He went to his father. Ask the viscount why he would send you and a letter both.”

Garrett cursed under his breath. He knew that something was not right and hated being the center of a game that was being played, “That seems...strange”  
“They are meeting at the chantry. A last, pointless appeal, I assume.” The Arishok said.  
Varric spoke low to Garrett, “I doubt he’d involve the Chantry in such a personal matter.”  
“No. But we know who would. Mother Petrice.” Garrett remarked.  
The Arishok said his voice threatening, “A suspect in many things. If she has threatened someone under my command again, there is only one response.”  
Garrett’s fists clenched and he nodded his head, “I’ve had about enough of Petrice. Several times over.”  
“A threat against Viddathari can have only one answer. I will suffer only one outcome.” The Arishok decreed, “I will be watching, Hawke. The demand of the Qun is clear.”

\--

Garrett was staring down at the Viscount as he held the body of his dead son and wailed with grief. He felt his arm being pulled to get his attention, “Hawke, this won’t end well. We have to move now.” Garrett swallowed thickly and nodded at Aveline as she spoke, “I need to speak to you, please. Privately.”

They walked out of the chantry, avoiding the body of Mother Petrice, Garrett was in a slight daze; he was trying to forget the sound coming from the Viscount, “My house is near…let’s uh, talk there okay Aveline?”  
Varric walked closely by his side as they went. “It’s pretty here at night. Once the nobles are out of the way, you can really admire the scenery.” Varric joked and nudged Garrett in the side. 

Garrett crouched down and sat on his heels, running a hand down his face as he stared blankly out into the night. “Hey Aveline, Fenris, We’ll catch up okay?” Varric called out and patted Garrett on the back. Aveline nodded and they walked away, leaving them alone.  
“What the fuck just happened Varric. How am I supposed to get in front of this?” Garrett mumbled his hand over his mouth, his eyes blown wide and dark with fear. How could things have spun out of control so rapidly? Just days ago he was content and happy with his family, he allowed his mind to wander to the night before; when he had been in pure bliss as he shared a bed with Merrill and Anders.

_Garrett had pulled Merrill to the edge of the bed after undressing her. He knelt on the floor, her lithe legs resting over his shoulders; his mouth pressed to her mound as he brought her pleasure. He heard the door shut behind him and the groan of desire come from Anders and he smiled as ran his tongue up and down the sweet slit of his wife._

_Anders ran his hand across Garrett’s shoulder as he walked to the side of the bed and knelt down on the mattress beside Merrill. “Maker, you two are so beautiful.” He whispered and lowered his head to take a breast into his mouth. Merrill moaned and arched up into him, pleas of more falling from her lips; her hands reaching out and tugged on both their hair pressing their mouths harder onto her body. Both sucked hard on her, sending her over the edge together._  
_Garrett rose and tugged down his trousers as he looked down at Merrill as she came down from her orgasm. Anders ran his hands over her breasts and looked up Garrett and winked, “How do you want me?” he asked._

_Garrett smiled roguishly down at them both as they waited for his reply, he gestured for them to scoot up the bed and they did as he crawled up the bed towards them. “I want to be buried deep inside you...while you fuck my wife.” Garrett replied, his voice dark and full of lust. Merrill and Anders looked at each other, smiling; Anders leaned down and kissed Merrill tenderly, his hand moving to her mound and began stroking her._

_Merrill broke the kiss reluctantly as she moaned, “I’m at the peak of my cycle..” she said hesitantly, watching Garrett’s expression.”Good.” Garrett grinned wickedly, replying without hesitation. His hands stroking Anders side and back, “I want to watch your belly grow again, with Anders’s child.” Merrill grinned and looked to Anders as his hand stilled on her, it was not a surprise; her and Garrett had discussed it and had agreed to try._

_Anders shook his head, “I’ve told you. It isn’t possible Garrett…”_  
_“That’s what my father said, and then the twins were born.” Garrett retorted with a laugh and pulled at Anders, till he knelt between Merrill’s legs. He knelt behind Ander’s, his hands reached around him, one coming to rest softly but firmly around his neck while the other began stroking his cock lazily. Garrett kissed his neck and he looked down at Merrill as she watched them, her hands reaching up to cover Garrett’s as he stroked Anders cock lovingly._

_“Do you want that, Vhenan? Do you want him to fill you until you are carrying his child?” Garrett whispered as Anders whimpered, reaching behind him to stroke Garrett with the same rhythm.”Yes. Please Anders, I want you.” She begged and pushed Garrett’s hands out of the way, replacing them with her own. A sob escaped Anders mouth and Garrett stole anymore from his mouth, before they could escape him. He kissed him desperately wanting to show him how much he was loved and needed._

_Anders pulled back and nodded, “I never thought…I will try.” He whispered his voice shaky with emotion. “Hold your legs, Dove.” Garrett instructed and pointed at a pillow then down at her hips. She understood and stuffed it under her back, raising her hips higher off the bed. He ran his hand down from Anders neck and gripped Anders cock, pushing him forward towards Merrill with his body. He rubbed Anders cock from her pucker to her pearl, biting and licking at Anders neck as they both moaned together as he pressed his cock into her entrance. He pulled his hand away as Anders hips bucked and pushed into her. Anders leaned forward, his hands on the bed as he nibbled and kissed her neck and shoulders._

_Garrett cast the oil spell Anders taught him long ago, slicking his hand and fingers before sliding them between Anders cleft, finding the tight pucker and moaning with anticipation as he circled it with his fingertips. Anders sheathed himself fully in Merrill and stilled as Garrett slid his fingers into him readying him before he pushed his cock into him and began fucking him slowly._  
_Garrett held onto Anders hips and when he pulled back, he would pull Anders back out of Merrill. When he pushed into him he would push Anders down into Merrill; he was fucking her through Anders. The room filled with moans and curses of pleasure as the three enjoyed the love that had grown between them._

_Anders was first to reach his orgasm, Garrett pushed him into Merrill and held his hips down firmly keeping them joined as he picked up his pace. “Make her come for us, love.” Garrett panted into Anders ear, holding his release until Merrill was pleased first. Anders pushed his hand between them and circled his fingers firmly on her pearl as his body jerked with the remnants of his climax._

_Merrill pulled Anders mouth to hers, her fists gripping his hair as he sucked down the shouts that escaped her lips as she came. Garrett pounded into Anders, his orgasm bursting from him; making them both moan and cry out as he pushed one into the other._

_Garrett slept for a few hours before being woken by the familiar sounds of pleasure beside him. He woke to Ander’s making love to his wife and he watched in awe as they moved together. He prayed to the Maker that he would fill her with his child; he knew Anders loved Malcolm like his own but he wanted Anders to feel what he felt when he held his son in his arms, there was no other feeling like it._  
_He watched as Merrill arched beautifully under Anders sweat coated chest as she came, the sounds escaping her lips were beautiful. He watched as Anders muscles tightened in waves down his body as he released deep inside her, his groans of pleasure low and deep. Garrett stroked his cock lazily as they kissed and pulled apart from each other._

_“That was amazing…” Garrett said in a whisper, smiling sweetly as they turned to look at him. Merrill rose to sit up and Anders placed a hand on her chest and pushed her back to the bed gently. “We should use all the tricks we know.” He whispered as he lifted her hips off the bed and slid a pillow under her hips, lifting her legs up and together with a shy smile before leaning down and kissing Garrett sweetly._

“I’m sure you’re eager to punch something, Chuckles, but don’t look at me.” Varric teased raising his hands in front of him defensively. Garrett snorted and punched his hand playfully before standing.  
“I’m serious. What do I do now…my family is…” Garrett rambled as he continued walking.  
“You family is half way to Rivain for a timely vacation. They are safe and sound while you fix the world’s problems; which I recommend you do one step at a time. Let’s go see what our lovely guard captain wants to talk about first, hmmm?” Varric interrupted and answered Garrett’s question, the tone in his voice light as if they were talking about the weather instead of a Qunari rampage.  
“Why are you still here, Varric?” Garrett asked.  
“Starkhaven’s too pretentious for me and Cumberland’s too boring.” Varric quipped.  
“You always say you hate commitment, but here you are, how many years have we been together? You’re still at my side. Walking with me into danger once again.” Garrett laughed and squeezed Varric’s shoulder with affection before opening the door to his house.  
“Chuckles, I thought you’d have noticed by now; I lie a lot.” Varric laughed and followed Garrett into his house.

\--

After all was said and done Garrett was not surprised in the least by Isabella’s betrayal; it’s just the way she was, always in it for herself. Garrett lay on the blood soaked carpeted floor in the throne room of the Viscounts Keep. His head pounding and parts of his body throbbed with pain. The Arishok had gotten in a few good hits before he went down. The room was now clear of Qunari, nobles, and Meredith; only he and Varric remained.

Varric’s hands worked nimbly as he went over Garrett’s body, treating his injuries. “Here drink another.” He requested as he moved to help Garret sit up to take the healing potion he offered. Garrett groaned and drank down the potion quickly, trying not to gag on its taste. “Ugh! I hate that shit, I need Anders.”  
Varric laughed, “Yeah I’m sure he tastes much better than this stuff.” He said wiggling his eyebrows at Garrett, teasing him as only a best friend could. Garrett laughed and punched him hard in the arm; sending his squatting form to land backwards on his butt.

“Ow shit! Is that how it is now? Get a fancy title like Champion of Kirkwall and you start abusing all the peons?” Varric laughed as he rubbed his arm.  
Garrett stood and extended his arm out to Varric, taking his hand and pulling him up from the floor. “Never! Speaking of peon…let me tell you about this one time when I peed on Anders. See he was on his back and I…” Garrett teased, his arm around Varric’s shoulder as they stepped around the massive corpse of the Arishok and headed outside.

“NO! I’m not listening…lalalalaalalala” Varric covered his ears with his hands and hummed loudly, rushing ahead of Garrett as they went, not noticing that he had stopped talking and was now laughing as he walked behind him. Garrett felt the fear and tension leave him as he realized the Qunari threat was dealt with, he could now focus on getting this city back in order before bringing his family back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes:  
> Ar lath ma, vhenan: I love you, heart/my heart  
> Bas: thing; foreign to the Qun; purposeless.  
> Viddathari: A convert to the Qun.
> 
>  
> 
> “One Step Closer” - Linkin Park


	14. "Be Yourself"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders asks for help ... Garrett gives him what he needs.

\--

“I don’t want to hear it son, you’re in trouble. There are no excuses!” Garrett insisted looking down at Malcolm’s solemn face. Garrett always hated this part, the boy’s head barely reached his hip he was too small to be angry with.  
“But, papa. I just wanted to…” Malcolm looked up at his father, his palms up as he tried to feebly explain why he had left the house.

“You know better. There is no reason why you would ever need to leave the house alone, Malcolm, especially with your sister! Your mother has been worried sick, did you know that? Half the city is looking for you!” He looked down as he caressed his daughter’s blonde hair as he held her against his chest protectively. His heart was pounding in his chest, they had only been missing for half an hour but it seemed like an eternity. His mind conjured horrid images of what could have happened to them while he searched and he nearly lost his mind.

Malcolm hung his head and nodded in defeat, “Yes, papa.” He sniveled, wiping his hands on his wet cheeks; following behind his father as he marched up the stairs back home. Malcolm gasped in surprise as he ran into his father and would have fallen backwards if Garrett had not grabbed him by the arm to steady him. Garrett squatted down and gathered Malcolm into his side and rose lifting him up onto his hip, cradling both him and his daughter in each arm.  
“I love you son. The city is not safe for a five and two year old to walk around alone, no matter how big and tough the five year old is.” Garrett whispered into Malcolm’s hair, rocking him as he wrapped his small arms around his neck and cried. Garrett’s eyes stung with unshed tears of relief as he carried his children back to the manor.

He nodded to an elf as he approached, “Send word to call off the search, please. Get word to Anders immediately.” He said before opening the door and stepping inside.  
Merrill ran up to them and wrapped her arms around the three of them as she sobbed and kissed the backs of her children’s heads with urgent relief. “Malcolm! Lea!” she cried and tugged at them until Garrett set them down on the floor in front of the entryway fireplace. Merrill sat on the carpet and pulled them as close to her as she could get them around her extended belly, onto her lap. Garrett began to walk away to send for a messenger but Merrill grabbed his hand and tugged for him to sit down, “Penshra! Ghilas vellathan!” she cried out.

Garrett sat behind her and wrapped his arms around her, “It’s okay Vhenan. They are okay. Not a scratch, they were shopping in the market.” He said lightly and rubbed her back soothingly.  
“By the Dread Wolf! What were you doing in the market?” Merrill exclaimed and pulled Malcolm away from her chest so she could look into his face. She maneuvered Lea so that she sat on her thigh instead of pressing her to her chest, the two year old was starting to struggle and fidget; already bored with the situation.

“Ir abelas, mamma. I just wanted to get a present.” Malcolm looked up into his mother's face, his lip trembling, “I thought it would be okay and we could come right back while you had a nap.” He explained and Garrett tsked at his son.  
“Why did you not ask someone to go with you son?” Garrett asked, turning his head as the front door opened and Anders raced in, Varric right behind him.

Anders ran and fell to his knees scooping both children into his arms dramatically. “Maker! Where have you been? Are you okay? Did anyone hurt you? Who took you? I’ll kill them!” He asked his voice raised and angry in contrast to the gentle kisses he planted on both children’s faces and heads; his hands glowed blue and he pushed healing into them on instinct.

Garrett shook his head and nodded at Varric before explaining, “I was just asking Malcolm why he did not ask someone to go with him when he went shopping at the market.” Varric laughed and blew a raspberry out of his mouth in relief, wandering down the hall to the kitchen.

Anders exclaimed, his voice raising an octave in incredulity, “You were at the market!? Maker! Why would you go there alone, with your little sister Malcolm? You could have waited till I got home sweet boy.” Ander sat back and crossed his legs, his knees pressed against Merrill’s as Malcolm looked up at him with big green puppy eyes filled with unshed tears; his lip trembled and Anders caressed his chin softly. Lea looked bored and tried to escape their arms.

Malcolm tried again to explain, “I just wanted to get a present. Mama was sleeping and I thought I could go and be right back. I didn’t want to leave Lea alone.” He explained and turned his head to look up at Garrett’s face, “I am sorry Papa. Don’t be mad.”  
Garrett sighed and brushed his fingers against his son’s cheek, “I’m not mad son. You can’t do that again though okay?” Malcolm nodded and took Lea’s hand in his.

Malcolm stood and stepped out of the mass of legs that surrounded him and his sister. He reached for Lea and she took his hand, “I’m gonna go take Lea and play.” Merrill reluctantly let her children go.  
“Uncle Varric is in the kitchen, Da’len. See if he wants some cookies that you baked earlier?” Merrill suggested and turned her body to lean against Anders chest as Garrett fell backwards on the floor in front of her.  
“Uncle Varric!” Lea yelled and began to run towards the kitchen, her blond curls bouncing as she went; Malcolm ran after her laughing, the drama already forgotten.

“Maker! I think I just aged five more years. I’m going to be fully grey if this keeps up.” Garrett complained as he stared up at the chandelier above him. He shifted his body and lay next to Anders and Merrill; he held Merrill’s hand in one of his, the other rested on Anders thigh.

Anders had his hands spread over Merrill’s swollen stomach, “Your muscles are tight, Mer. You need to relax before contractions start. Take deep breaths.” He pushed warmth and healing into her as he rubbed her stomach lovingly, his large hands covering her belly protectively. Anders nuzzled her neck and ear placing soft kisses on her pale skin. She was two months away from being ready to deliver and he was worried. He looked down and met Garrett’s eyes as he looked up into Anders’s eyes concern clear on his face.

Garrett stood abruptly, “Let’s get you to bed and lie down, Vhenan.” He lifted her off the floor and carried her up the stairs, Anders following them as they went his palm resting between Garrett’s shoulder blades.  
Garrett set her gently in the middle of the bed before pulling off his boots and coat, Anders did the same before crawling in the bed next to her. Anders turned her towards him as Garrett lay behind her, his hand resting on her stomach. “Here Mer. Let’s get you comfortable, hmm?” Anders urged as he tucked a pillow under her tight stomach and one between her legs; he knew how she liked to sleep and needed her to relax. A small sigh of contentment escaped Merrill’s lips, “Thank you.” She whispered and set her hand over Garrett’s.

“How are you feeling?” Garrett whispered behind her, his eyes wide with concern as he looked into Anders’s amber eyes, “Your belly is still tight.” Garrett whispered as he kissed her hair. Anders cupped her cheek in his hand and caressed her with his thumb, she shook her head.

“The child wants to come…I-I don’t think he will wait, this one is impatient.” She whispered and snorted a laugh as her stomach tightened under Garrett’s hand. “He?” Garrett and Anders both asked at the same time, making Merrill laugh. “It feels like it…” Merrill smiled sweetly and nuzzled down into her pillow, eyes closing before she dozed off.  
Anders and Garrett gazed into each other’s eyes intimately, the concern for Merrill flowing between them as their healing magic flowed into her. Anders reached his hand to Garrett’s face guiding him into a kiss. They showed each other how much they cared for each other with the tenderness of their mouths as they hovered over the woman they both loved.

 

\--

 

Malcolm woke in the middle of the night to his father shaking him gently, “Malcolm, wake up son. I have someone I want you to meet.” Garrett whispered into the quiet room as he gently shook is sons shoulder, trying not to wake Lea who slept in the bed next to Malcolm’s. Malcolm stretched his arms over his head and yawned, “What?” he asked in surprise as he looked at his father and the small bundle he held in his arms. He sat up and giggled as he leaned in and saw a tiny baby wrapped in the blankets his father held.

“Meet your brother, Carver.” Garrett whispered and handed his newborn son to his eldest. He pulled the blanket away from the babies face and rubbed a finger across his jet black hair.  
“He’s so tiny.” Malcolm cooed as he held his brother in his arms. He had never seen a baby so small and was scared to hurt him, so he was very gentle and made only the tiniest of movements.  
Garrett hummed and leaned down to kiss the top of Malcolm’s head, “He was born early, but he is strong.” Carver had been born prematurely and had taken all the healing both he and Anders could give him. “I have a little brother too you know, his name is Carver as well. When he was born, my father brought him to me and told me I had to watch over and protect him, because that is what big brothers do. I want you to do the same for your little brother, just like you take such good care of Lea.”

Malcolm beamed up at his father and smiled brightly before kissing the baby on the cheek, “I always will papa.” He vowed proudly making Garrett smile just as bright. Garrett took his youngest son back into his arms and whispered, “Go back to sleep son, it’s early yet.” Malcolm nodded and wiggled back into his bed and shut his eyes.

Garrett carried his son to his room where Anders lay next to Merrill caressing her hair gently as she slept in his arms, her black hair spread across his bare chest. She had delivered their son within a few hours, Carver’s birth was unlike the other two; he had came quickly and easily. Anders smiled at Garrett and reached an arm out for him. Garrett laid his new son in the bassinet next to bed and crawled in next to them. He leaned in and kissed Anders tenderly before kissing Merrill on the temple.

“I love you so much.” Anders whispered and caressed Garrett’s face tenderly, “You keep making my dreams come true and when I think my life cannot be any more complete you do something remarkable like this.” Anders whispered and nodded towards Carver. Garrett grinned and tucked a strand of hair behind Anders ear, “We make beautiful babies, don’t we?” then leaned down and kissed Anders.

\--

Garrett let go of his son’s hand when he stepped into Anders clinic. “Don’t get under feet, Malcolm.” Garrett called out as his son went to the back room where Anders kept all of his supplies along with treats he would tuck away on purpose for the children to find. Orana had spent most of her time at the clinic helping Anders and learning all she could from him when she wasn’t with Fenris. The two had been together the past year and it made Garrett happy that his friend had found love. Malcolm enjoyed visiting her whenever he could; she would always tell him stories about Tevinter. “I won’t!” Malcolm called over his shoulder as he slipped around the corner.

Garrett walked up to Anders who was tending to a patient, “I’ll be in your old room.” He muttered as he passed, Anders nodded and smiled before returning his focus back to his patient.  
Garrett sat on Anders old bed and laughed at the memory of the first time he was here with him. 

He had wanted to kiss him then, but didn’t. He couldn't imagine the possibility of loving anyone other than Merrill at the time. Garrett slipped down and lay on the bed, lacing his hands behind his head and closed his eyes, he was tired. He couldn’t remember the last time he had a full night of uninterrupted sleep. 

Lea had woke him up in the middle of the night with a nightmare; he had spent hours walking and rocking her through the halls of his house trying to calm her back to sleep. The nights he was able to sleep was filled with dreams of The Grandfather, he had been hounding him again; training him and teaching him stronger magic so when he woke he felt un-rested. Garrett closed his eyes and dozed off quickly, unintentionally.

Anders watched Garrett sleep for a few minutes, he was beautiful when he slept; the worry lines on his forehead and face relaxed and he looked youthful, with the exception of the grey streaks at his temples. Anders smiled and stroked a finger over the grey, straddling Garrett’s thighs and pressing his lips to his; waking him with a kiss. Anders rolled his hips against Garrett’s, it was rare they got a moment alone and he was about to take advantage of the time they had. Garrett woke with a moan and gripped Anders hips, grinding up into him, “Hey.” He whispered sleepily against his lips, “Malcolm’s in the back, love.”

Anders groaned in frustration and sat back onto the bed between Garrett’s legs, “We need a babysitter. Do you think Fenris will do it?” Anders laughed, half joking. Garrett laughed in return and leaned up on his elbows, “Uh. I think I would like our children returned in one piece.” Anders leaned down kissed Garrett on the forehead before standing.  
“I’m glad you came by. I wanted to talk to you about something.” Anders said as he walked over to his medicine cabinet and began fiddling with bottles of various dried substances. “I’m going to be trying something, and I thought you’d want to be part of it.”  
“You know I’ll do anything I can.” Garrett replied instantly, sitting up at the edge of the bed, watching Anders made him have dejavu.

“We’ve both been wrong. What I did with Justice was unnatural. It should never have happened.” Anders urged. He was referring to the previous mission he went on with Garrett. It had started out a mission to save a mage from an abusive templar named Ser Alrik, but as most things went it had gone terribly wrong. Justice had over powered Anders and nearly killed the mage he was trying to save. Anders had been helping the mage underground for years but felt guilt for not doing more for the cause. He was trying to balance the needs of his growing family with the needs of those he and Justice wanted to save.  
Garrett leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees, “Is there some way to undo it?” he asked softly.

“Your patience with me…I marvel every day that you haven’t thrown up your hands and left. I’ve spent the past three years researching the methods of Tevinter magisters. They’re the only ones who have ever sought to reverse spirit possession, not just behead the victims.” Anders explained enthusiastically, “I believe I have a formula for a potion that can separate Justice and me. Without killing either.” Garrett rose from the bed and wrapped his arms around Anders waist.  
“Is it dangerous?” Garrett whispered. His heart started to race out of fear, he did not want to lose him; he squeezed him tighter.  
Anders kissed the side of Garrett’s head, “There are always dangers with magic. But I believe this will be worth the cost.” He said lightly as if there were no risks.

Garrett’s stomach clenched at the thought of trying something so untested but he pushed his fear to the side, knowing this was important to Anders, “Surely that’s worth any risk it entails.”  
Anders whispered, “I knew you’d stand behind me in this, even if…”  
“What?” Garrett interrupted tugging on Anders waist turning to face him. Anders smiled and whispered, “Nothing.”, before wrapping his arms around Garrett’s neck and kissing him, his mouth biting and licking at Garrett’s. Anders pulled back before things could get any more heated, he could feel Garrett harden between them already.  
“I’ve gathered most of what I need, but there are some… outlandish ingredients I was hoping you’d help me collect.” Garrett brought his hands to Anders back side and began kneading it with his hands as he bit and licked up the side of his neck. Anders continued talking, “A powder the Tevinters call sela petrae and a small amount of drakestone.”

Garrett hummed and brought his mouth to Anders ear, whispering seductively, “Is it just a potion? Hmmm. Is there anything more to this ritual?” His tongue ran up the shell of Anders ear as he waited for a reply.  
Anders moaned and tugged Garrett’s head back by his hair, his cock throbbing at the groan escaping Garrett’s lips. “No, no ritual.” Anders replied; freeing himself from Garrett’s grip and walked to the doorway. “Just mix the ingredients up and…boom. Justice and I are free. You…stay right there, do not move a muscle.” Anders asserted and left the room. Garrett tugged off his boots one by one and sat them neatly together on the floor, he pulled off his jacket and laid it on top of the counter and waited arms crossed for Anders to return. Anders returned a few moments later, shut the door behind him and started pulling of his boots and robe as soon as he entered the room.

Garrett groaned and unlaced his breeches in anticipation, he stroke his cock as Anders walked to him from the doorway, gloriously naked. Anders crooned against Garrett’s lips, “We can take our rightful place among free mages.”, as he was hoisted up by Garrett’s hands. “We just need to get the items then …”  
Anders wrapped his legs around Garrett as he was carried to the bed Garrett quieting him with his mouth. “I assure you, we’ll find them.” Garrett promised as he knelt between Anders legs and conjured the oil spell to coat his hand and fingers. He leaned down and took Anders sleek cock into his mouth as his finger stroked and pushed into his pucker. Anders moaned and gripped Garrett’s hair as he whimpered in a needy voice, “I could not have begun to do this without your support.”

Garrett let Anders cock slip from his mouth and he looked up into his face, smiling roguishly, “You shouldn’t still be able to talk.”, before adding a third finger and curling them upward; making Anders’s head roll to the side and a moan fall from his lips in pleasure.   
“That’s better”, Garrett bragged and pulled his fingers from him to replace them with his cock. He pushed in slowly before lowering himself to kiss Anders hungrily. Garrett pounded into him relentlessly, the way Anders liked; he set a punishing rhythm with his thrusts and wrapped a hand around Anders’s cock to stroke him in the same rhythm. Anders’s growled loudly. “Shhhhhh.” Garrett whispered with a chuckle, pulling out of Anders and standing on the side of the bed. “Come here.” He demanded and pulled Anders up before pushing him down, hands on the bed. “You can’t keep quiet can you, Kitten.” Garrett whispered into his ear, making Anders moan low in his throat at the word kitten. He only used the nickname when they were alone and it made Anders wild; every time. 

Garrett stood behind him, a hand pressed over his mouth the other held his hip as he pounded into him. “Stroke that beautiful cock of yours, kitten. My hands are full.” Garrett panted, “You’re going to make me come already. You’re so tight and beautiful, Kitten.” Garrett’s thrusts became fast and jerky before he came inside of the man he loved, his mouth clamping on to his shoulder to silence his shout. Garrett pulled out of Anders and pushed him softly onto the bed; Anders was still stroking himself and Garrett tsked at him, pulling his hand away. He knelt between his legs and filled his mouth with Anders cock, sucking with his mouth and stroking with his hand he brought him over the edge and swallowed greedily as he came. Garrett grinned in satisfaction and laid down next to Anders on the small bed, laying on his chest while draping an arm and leg over him.

“There is one more thing I need of you, my love. And I can’t tell you why.” Anders ran his knuckles up and down Garrett’s back as he asked, “I must get inside the chantry, without being seen. Will you talk to the grand cleric for me? Distract her long enough for me to do what must be done?”  
Garrett made a content noise into Anders chest, “What do you want me to talk about?”  
“Food? The weather? What does it matter?” Anders said with a chuckle.  
“Let’s go tonight, on the way home. Malcolm has been asking me questions about the Chantry; he has a few hundred questions he could ask her.” Garrett laughed and sat up pushing Anders gently so he would follow his motion.

Anders stood and walked over to his boots, giving Garrett a view of his behind, “Perhaps she’ll be more inclined to listen to him.” Anders stood once his boots were on and Garrett was behind him wrapping his arms around his waist, running his hands across his abdomen.

“What are you plotting, love?” Garrett whispered into his neck, concern lacing his voice; he rocked him side to side softly not wanting to let go. Anders turned his head and brought his lips to Garrett’s kissing him tenderly before replying in a whisper, “You would not thank me if I told you. Just know it supports freedom for mages, for the future of our children. So that they can live free of the templars’ grasp. I am doing only what is necessary. That’s all I can say.”  
Garrett pulled back and took Anders’s face in both his hands, he trusted him with his life, with his heart, with his wife, with his children and he would trust him with this. “You do what you need to do.”  
Anders embraced Garrett and guilt flooded him, “I do not deserve your love.” He pulled back, gripping Garrett’s hands in his and continued, “I promise; whatever happens, it’s on my head. It will not come back on you and our family, my love.”  
Garrett’s brow furrowed and opened his mouth to speak but Anders interrupted him as he pulled his robe over his head, “Go to the chantry. Talk to the grand cleric. I will join you when I’m done.” Garrett nodded with a sigh and dressed himself as Anders left the room.

Malcolm ran up to Garrett with a smile, as he exited the room. “Papa, Orana taught me how to do a finger splint today! Look!” He raised his finger in the air towards his father; it was wrapped as if it were broken.   
“Look at that! That’s great new son, we could use that knowledge with our wild family.” He chuckled, squeezing the wrapped finger playful and took his sons hand, leading him out of the clinic.

\--

Garrett hoisted his six year old off of his shoulders as they walked into the chantry. He squatted down and ran a hand through Malcolm’s hair trying to get it not to stick up before speaking in a low voice, “Don’t forget Malcolm, ask what you will, but be respectful.” Malcolm nodded and looked around the chantry, his eyes flitting over everything. They walked up the stairs to where Grand Cleric Elthina stood.  
Elthina smiled at Garrett and spoke softly, “Maker’s blessing, Champion. Have you come to pray?”

Malcolm tugged on Garrett’s hand, “Have you met my son, Malcolm?” Garrett asked and guided his son to stand in front of him; he rested his hands on Malcolm’s shoulders. The Grand Cleric smiled down at him and nodded in greeting.  
“Hello.” Malcolm greeted, extending his hand out to Elthina in greeting. She extended her hand and he took it and kissed the back of it. Garrett smirked and patted his son’s shoulders before stepping back.

“My son has many questions and is eager to speak with you, if you have the time.” Garrett said.  
“A learned child is a blessing upon his parents and unto the Maker. I will listen and answer.” Grand Cleric Elthina offered with a smile down at Malcolm.  
Garrett nodded, “I will leave you to it Malcolm. I will be just over there.” He pointed to a bench not far from where they stood.  
Malcolm did not wait for his father to walk away before he began firing off questions, “What does your Chantry do? And why are your statues so big? Is it so the Maker will see them? Why do you wear that symbol….”  
Elthina rose a finger in the air and Malcolm stopped talking, his mouth agape. She spoke softly but firmly, “One question at a time. The Chantry does many charitable works. It cares for widows and orphans….”  
Garrett smiled as he walked away, not able to hear the conversation. He sat on a bench, closed his eyes and began to thank the Maker for all he had. He sat for some time and when he opened his eyes he looked over at Malcolm and Elthina, still carrying a conversation. He smiled in pride at his son as he walked up to him; standing behind him once again he rested his hands on Malcolm’s shoulders.

Malcolm held his hands out palms up, “The Maker created mages. Why doesn’t he protect them?”, he asked innocently. Elthina looked into Garrett’s face and he nodded and raised his eyebrows in question, he would like to know the answer to that as well.  
Elthina knelt before Malcolm and took his hands in hers; she spoke sincerely, “I feel for the mages, I do. I would not wish to be locked in the Gallows. We are all the Maker’s creatures, but magic allows abuses beyond the scope of mortals…”

Anders called out interrupting, “There you two are! I’ve been looking for you all over!” He walked up to Malcolm and pulled him to his side hugging him. Garrett offered his hands to The Grand Cleric, helping her to stand. Anders nodded to Elthina, “Your Grace.”  
Malcolm tugged on Anders hand trying to get his attention, as Elthina spoke, “Your soul is troubled, child. I hope you found a balm for it here.” She nodded to all of them and smiled sweetly down at Malcolm before walking away.

Anders hoisted Malcolm up and held him to his chest, as if he were small, “Let’s get home hmmm? I bet mama misses us.”, he whispered into Malcolm’s hair and searched Garrett’s eyes with his. Garrett nodded and placed his hand on Anders lower back as they went. Malcolm talked non-stop about all he had discussed with the Grand Cleric, all the way home, through dinner and even when Merrill, Garrett and Anders tucked him into bed. A learned child indeed…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Penshra! Ghilas vellathan!: I prefer that you remain close.  
> Ir abelas: I am sorry.  
> Da’len: little child; little one
> 
> “Be Yourself” - Audioslave


End file.
